Is Scheduling Sex Ever Sexy?

Image by TeroVesalainen from Pixabay

In modern life, overwhelming busyness is an unpleasant reality for many. Sensuality, intimacy, and connection are all too often pushed to the wayside.

Pleasure gets relegated to the end of the to-do list, or bumped off it altogether.

The reality is that prioritizing your sexuality and sensuality can really enrich your life and improve your relationships. In fact, it can even create the feeling of having extra time in your day.

So why are so many people resistant to scheduling sex?

Sexual Spontaneity

You can schedule sex with a partner, or just with yourself, both are important and should be prioritized. The most common response I get from clients when I suggest scheduling sex is “but that’s not sexy!”. They feel that spontaneity is required for sexuality, which isn’t always the case.

Scheduling sex doesn’t mean that your sex life is boring or stale, or that sex is just another task on your daily to-do list. It means it’s important to you. That pleasure, joy, and intimacy are all important to you.

Also, the sex itself can be very spontaneous, even if the timing isn’t. You certainly don’t have to schedule what type of sex you’ll have and when.

I’m not suggesting: 6pm meet in bedroom, 6:02pm make out, 6:10pm remove bra… you get the picture. Instead, it’s about making the space in your life for sexuality to bloom, and prioritizing pleasure.


Scheduling Solo Sex

Regardless if you have a partner or not, scheduling solo sex is a wonderful and beneficial addition to everyone’s life. Even if you do have a partner, I actually still recommend scheduling time for solo sex. Scheduling solo sex is a profound statement to yourself that you matter, and your pleasure matters.

It reinforces that pleasure is as important to you as anything else on your to-do list. It helps facilitate and nourish a relationship to your own sexuality, and an inquisitive nature to your pleasure. Deepening your sexual relationship with yourself also enriches any romantic partnerships, and does not detract from them.


Scheduling Partnered Sex

When you’re in a romantic relationship, scheduling sex can be a beautiful way of showing your partner how much you care. It shows you value your connection and prioritize protecting and nurturing it.

Especially considering how busy many people are these days, it also just makes good practical sense. You can sit down with your partner and assess when would be a convenient time, considering both your schedules. In this way, scheduling sex increases your chances of actually getting to have it.


How to make scheduling sex sexy

Okay so back to business, sexy business. How can you make scheduling sex…sexy?

1- When you’re making the plans, remind yourself that what you’re doing is prioritizing something important to you.

2- Try and keep the tone light and fun when figuring out which days work best. Just because you’re making a plan doesn’t mean this is a business meeting.

3- Once the day is set, enjoy the tingly anticipation as it approaches

4- Prepare in any way you’d like to help get yourself into a sexual mindset. Eat light, healthy foods so you won’t feel really full and lose interest. You might want to take a relaxing bath with a glass of wine, read erotica, or have a solo dance party.

5- Let the sex itself be spontaneous and take its own form. Release your expectations and just enjoy this time of pleasure that you prioritized.


Help! I’m not horny anymore!

This is actually fairly common. The day and time are set, but when it rolls around you’ve both had really long tiring days. Someone got yelled at by their boss and just wants to curl up and lick their wounds. You accidentally went too hard at the gym and everything hurts.

No worries! Redefine what ‘sex’ means to you. You might want to try some mutual masturbation instead, or give each other massages, or masturbate in the bath with your Womanizer while they read erotica to you, or cuddle, or even take a nice long walk together.

Try and uphold the true goal you made, prioritizing pleasure and intimacy. Shift your definition of sex if you need to. Removing the pressure really helps increase your chance at success too.

Have fun with it!


Top Four reasons to schedule sex:

-It’s fun to have something to look forward to

-Pleasure is important, scheduling sex shows you prioritize it

-A practical approach maximizes your chances of having sex (solo or partnered)

-Pleasure has amazing benefits, so why not enjoy them!  



Isabella Frappier is an Australian ex-pat living in LA, who swapped gumtrees for palm trees. She’s a writer and a holistic Sexuality Doula, who specializes in body literacy, sexual sovereignty, and BDSM.
She is also a host on the popular new Sex Magic Podcast. When she’s not busy championing her sex positive agenda, she—oh wait—she’s always busy doing that. Follow her adventures on Instagram.
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