Self-Taught Lessons in Sex & Self Love
Sexual interest began pretty early for me. I started masturbating when I was 7, lost my virginity at 15, and over the course of the following 12 years have had a full and diverse sex and dating journey. As my adulthood progressed, however, I found myself growing ever so slightly complacent. I noticed myself coasting along the crest of a sexual plateau, and falling into hazardous dating cycles and retrogressive romantic patterns. All my orgasms (even my self-induced ones) felt essentially the same, as did my interactions with prospective mates.
Unwilling to succumb to the undertow of unfulfillment that so many women fall victim to, I have recently decided to take my happiness and pleasure into my own capable hands. Since there’s no one to blame for my carnal disenchantment but myself, there’s no better teacher to train myself out of my old ways and into new ones than little old me. So, I have begun to teach myself a lesson or two…or three… One for masturbation, one for sex, and one for love.
I’ve always been an orgasmic lady — Hell, I’ve been popping out O’s since grade school! — But multiple orgasms had eluded me most of my life. I knew of them well, had friends that experienced them often, but believed that they would always be a sort of unicorn or dragon or low calorie cream pasta of my sex life; often dreamt of and never met. Then one day, it happened.
I had just taken home a new (now favorite) toy, the Touch by We-Vibe. Vibrators were no stranger to my underwear drawer, but this one and I seemed to have a special connection. The shape of the Touch contoured to my vulvar shape like liquid and its penetrative vibrations matched my preferences like an all-you-can-eat Italian buffet. What truly took me by total surprise was how much I enjoyed the factory set vibration patterns. In my masturbatory experience, I has always stuck to strong and steady vibration to catapult me into orgasmville. With the Touch, however, I found myself enjoying the extended buzz then pause setting… then the cha-cha-cha setting… then the wave setting… Before I knew it, I was into my 4th and 5th orgasms in the same sitting! WHAT?! HOW?! WHEN?!
My mind (and my vagina) was completely blown! I had my first multiple orgasms ever and couldn’t wait to do it again! So I started to reenact my first experience. I taught myself how to recreate the sensations and learned what I needed to do to make my masturbatory experience the best it could be. I prepped myself for it before I even got home, fantasizing about the moment(s) of bliss waiting for me upon my arrival at home. I would eliminate all distractions, undress slowly, and seduce myself into prime multiple O susceptibility before I turned on the factory setting and rode them to climax. If I only came once at first, I kept at it. “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough” I would tell myself. And after a while, I successfully taught my body how to do something I was convinced it couldn’t do, stepping my self-pleasure game up to pro-level. Lesson one complete.
Due to the fact that every orgasm I’ve ever had has been clitorally induced, I’ve never paid too much attention to what was going on with the inside of my vagina. When with a partner, I thought of intercourse as more of a bonus aperitif or dessert that followed the main course of cunnilingus. Then I got into a relationship with a person who, for the first time ever, made me think that maybe I wasn’t “tight enough” down there. This, coupled with my recent discovery of the presence of multiple orgasms in my sexual toolbox, prompted me to get serious about my pelvic floor strength. I wanted to train my vagina to be stronger and more effective, and so I started to Kegel.
I began at first with free-standing Kegels, clenching my pubococcygeus muscles in quick intervals every chance I got. I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing or if I was doing them right, but but I did them almost nonstop. Then I was introduced to the Intensity by Pour Moi. This amazing rabbit look-a-like is an insertable toy that actually stimulates your muscles from the inside, doing your Kegels for you! Although intimidated at first, I eventually warmed up to the fact that I could exercise my PC muscles in a more effective and effortless way, and I could actually feel the difference the Intensity made. After using it for a couple weeks, I could tell that my free-standing Kegels were fuller and stronger, and intercourse started to edge out cunnilingus as the main course.
Now that I’ve gotten started on the Kegel train, I have no plans of derailing. I’ve even added the three-step Kegel exercising system Ami by Je Joue to my regimen, a set of 3 different Kegel balls that you can keep in for extended periods of time to strengthen your pelvic floor on the go! As my PC muscles get more jacked and intercourse continues to increase in enjoyment, I know that my training will eventually lead to the G-Spot O I’ve so long been searching for. Lesson two complete.
Like so many of us ladies, I have a history of dating douchebags and lowlifes, the ones who seem not to care about me, or anyone else for that matter. Maybe it’s the “bad boy” thing… Maybe I just want to take care of somebody. But for whatever reason, I seem to have a hard type and a bad picker.
In order to break this pattern, I decided to engage in duty dating, a practice of saying yes to dating people that you might not normally be attracted to. I cut off the toxic half-relationships that I had been wrapped up in and resolved to embark on a fresh start. I ventured into the pool of potential suitors and tried to ignore the profiles I was immediately attracted to, choosing instead to pay close attention to the men who would be nice to me instead. I broke a couple of my own rules and responded to some advances that I would have normally passed over, and before I knew it, I found love.
I didn’t have to teach my body something it had never done before, I just had to cut out the riff-raff and allow myself to be wooed. And wooed I was.
Well there you have it. Three lessons I’ve taught myself to own my pleasure and happiness in this season of gratitude and reflection. If you’ve never had a multiple orgasm, done a kegel, dated a nice guy, or anything else on your self-improvement task list…do yourself a favor and teach yourself a lesson!