Sex as a Single Woman

Single Women face a lot of criticism about their sex lives. They are either having way too much sex or not enough sex. By slut shaming and prude shaming people try to control female sexuality.

If single, how can women avoid being hung up on lack of sex, intimacy, romance…?

Being single is great because it gives you free time to work on yourself and pursue your interests. Keep life full by spending time with friends and finding out what you love. Obsessing about being single and brooding about your unsatisfying love live will do nothing to change your situation. Pursuing your interests and discovering what you’re truly passionate about will.

If you’re single and not having sex, spend this time exploring your body and find out exactly what turns you on and how you like being touched. The more you know about your body, the better you will be able to communicate with your next partner and the sex will be so much better because of the time you invested in yourself and your body.

What’s your advice on approaching sex as a singleton?

Figure out your boundaries and do your best to stick to them. If you know that having sex with someone you’ve only just met leaves you feeling less than full, then try to avoid these situations. If you want to wait to have sex with someone you just started dating, then wait. Also, don’t assume just because you’ve had intercourse with a new partner that you’re in a committed relationship. There’s no commitment until you have a conversation about commitment.

If in a relationship, how do women know if their relationship has the right dose of intimacy?

People speak different languages when it comes to intimacy. Some people are intimate through sharing their deepest thoughts, holding hands, or making a home-cooked meal for their partner.

To know if you’re getting the proper dose of intimacy you have to understand how your partner demonstrates intimacy and how that translates to your intimacy needs. If they’re being fulfilled -you’re moving in the right direction if not, it’s time to communicate with your partner about your needs.

What do you think about casual sex?

Casual sex can be great for some people and less pleasant for others. You have to examine yourself and your past experiences before committing to casual sex. How do you feel about yourself afterwards? Check in frequently with your feelings and emotions so you know if you’re on the right emotional track.

Can you ever have too much casual sex?

If you’re safe, enjoy casual sex and feel good about yourself afterwards I’m not sure how one would measure “too much” casual sex,

You might be having too much casual sex if you feel pressured, don’t enjoy the experience, and don’t have positive feelings afterwards.

How does a women know if she can handle casual sex?

Every woman needs to ask herself these questions:

1. Do I enjoy the act of casual sex? Does it actually feel good?

2. Do I feel good about myself after having casual sex?

3. Do I trust the people I have casual sex with?

If the answer is no to any of these questions you probably should wait until you know someone better, and establish some trust before having sex with a new partner.

Can a woman reach a point at which she becomes ‘a slut’?

No. ‘Slut’ is a word men assign women to control their sexuality.

Some women reach a point where sex becomes destructive. That does not mean they’re a slut, it means it’s time to reevaluate their sex life, set boundaries and look at the deeper issues surrounding their sexual expression.

Is there such a thing as being too promiscuous?

The word promiscuous implies that it is wrong for women to have casual sex. Women need to decide for themselves what’s right or wrong in their own sex life.

While there’s is no such a thing as being too promiscuous, there is such a thing as having too much sex that makes you bad about yourself or unfulfilled.

Should women have one-night stands?

Women should be able to do whatever they want with their own bodies, whether that means having one-night-stands or not.

Some women feel like they shouldn’t have casual sex because they don’t want to be viewed as “sluts,” But they actually enjoy having it.

Other women feel like they should have casual sex because they want to feel sexually liberated, but they’re aren’t getting anything out of it.

True sexual liberation is doing what you want, whether that means having casual sex, having sex in an intimate relationship, or not having sex at all.

How does pornography affect women’s sexual lives?

Porn is made to look good, not feel good. Many men think they’re learning about sex while glued to their computer screen watching copious amounts of porn. This is unfortunately their only choice of sex “education”. But most porn is made for men, not women. How can something made specifically for the male viewing pleasure properly teach men how to please women?

Pornography informs the way men and women have sex by perpetuating the myth that everything needs to be bigger, faster, and longer. Most likely what women really need is for men to slow down, ask women what they want and listen carefully to their answers.

Should women allow their sexual partner to refer to them as ‘bitch,’ ‘dirty’ ‘whore’ in the bedroom? (Also, what effect does accepting these labels have?)

Only if these words make her feel good, turned on, and ready for action. Dirty talk has been known to spice up many relationships. However, if these words have a negative or hurtful impact they should not be used in a relationship on any level. If you consent to words for pleasure while in a relationship of mutual respect, I don’t see a problem using them in a safe place.

Accepting these labels during sex can even have a liberating effect on women, because women are free from pressure to politely hide their desires and fantasies.

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