Sexual Freedom Ain’t Just for Singles
The barbecues, picnics and fireworks from the Fourth of July may be long gone, but celebrating our independence and personal freedom is something all of us should do the entire year round. Freedom from a bad job, freedom from an awful relationship, or maybe just free from old thoughts and behaviors that no longer work. When it comes to sex, there’s a lot of freedom that should also be celebrated. We are lucky to live in a time in America when– regardless of gender, sexuality or preference– everything and anything is accessible and slowly, but surely, becoming less taboo.
It’s not just single folks hitting the jackpot in this era of sexual freedom. Even married couples can benefit from a country no longer stuck in the puritanical sexual thinking of the past. Sexual freedom is something married people now have more information and access to than ever before. And no, I’m not just talking about threesomes (but hey, if that’s your thing, mazel tov!) I’d argue that in a marriage, couples get even more chances to express their freedom. From new ways of communicating to new toys and tools, the sky’s the limit! After all, you’re with a trusted partner and with a person you love. All stigmas and taboos should be off the table, leaving you to wave that sexual freak flag as you please.
Here are few freedoms that married folks should celebrate to (hopefully) create more fireworks of their own.
Freedom of Speech:
As a married gay man who also happens to be a writer and a person who has a hard time shutting up, nothing gets me more excited than talking. Therefore, it’s no surprise that super verbal, dirty talking men have always been a turn on. However, I have to say one of the most erotic moments as of late happened the other day– and it was by all accounts rated PG. Having had a difficult day, all I wanted to do was take a nap and just ignore the world. My husband being the intuitive genius that he is, sensed this. He laid down next to me, held me and asked me what was wrong. After some kissing and tickling, I opened up and before I knew it, I felt better. More than that, I felt sexy and loved. My point is with someone I didn’t know, this kind of communication would not have happened nor would it have felt so intimate and special. So this freedom– the freedom to speak from the heart– is one of the best that married people have.
Right to Bare Arms (Ass and Everything Else):
A quick disclaimer, I don’t have children and if I did, maybe this right would be a tad stifled. But I have to say one of the best things about being married is the freedom to walk around naked whenever I want and that my husband can do the same. Turns out the right to get butt naked is also good for you. In an interview with the Today show, relationship expert Jenn Mann said, “Spending time in the nude is a great way to get in touch with your body. Most people in today’s society are so disconnected from bodily sensations and this could help.” Being naked is also good for your skin, can help you get a better night’s sleep, and make you and your partner closer than ever.
Freedom to Petition:
This freedom, in the government sense, means the right to complain without fear of punishment. In the bedroom of married people, this right is vital. If there’s a desire to change things up or a need to talk about sex, couples should use this right. Also, partners on the other side of the complaint shouldn’t retaliate and should welcome frank, open talk about their sex lives. After all, we’ve all seen (or even been) that couple who never talked about their problems and then suddenly out of nowhere split up. Just like finances, stress, emotions and all of the other challenges married couples get to tackle together, sexual concerns are best when handled head on and without judgement. I say petition away!
Right to Assembly:
Okay all of you hip swinging couples, this freedom is for you. Listen, turning your duo into a trio isn’t for everyone but a surprising new study showed that open marriages and relationships have a higher level of trust and lower levels of jealousy. Also according to the study, married couples who swing are less likely to have abusive relationships. While our third parties in my own marriage involve those of the fantasy and porn variety, I see no harm in open marriages. In fact, I know lots of happy couples who’ve chosen that path. Like the other freedoms, as long as both parties are on the same page and the communication is on point, the right to invite others to join the party can make you closer as a couple.
Expressing your sexual freedom isn’t about cheating or doing absolutely anything you please, regardless of how your partner might feel. It’s about being free from judgement, maintaining your individuality, and using that to learn from one another. Be free, be happy, be together.
Sean Paul Mahoney is a freelance writer, humorist and blogger who lives in Portland, Oregon with his husband and two cats. New work can be found weekly on seanologues.com