how many is too many sexual partners?

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sexual partners Dear Emily,

How many is too many sexual partners? I’m recently divorced, single, and quite frankly torn with my newfound emotional and sexual freedom.  Now I’m not talking about a full on orgy with many men at once. I’m talking about the world of dating at 35 and being safe with sexual partners. When does playfulness with men become slutty due to multiple sexual partners?!  I shrieked a bit when I realized in the month of May I had been on 12 dates (some 3 and 4 dates) in May and of the 12 dates, I engaged in sexual activity with four of the men. So, as I re-evaluate my dating and sex life, I’m taking a step back to reflect on the “how many is TOO many” sexual partners in the world of dating and sexual activity? Thanks, Trudy

Dear Trudy,

Congratulations on newfound emotional and sexual freedom! Many people don’t get to experience what it’s like to be single in their 30’s and it sure can be a fun, fulfilling and wild ride. I can’t answer the “what is slutty” question because it’s no one’s business what you do with your sexual freedom. So, instead of beating yourself up about the number of men you slept with in May, you should think about how having sex with them makes you feel. It’s one thing to feel empty after having sex without an emotional connection, and another thing to feel guilty because of a social stigma that women shouldn’t have too many sexual partners. If you’re exploring your sexual freedom and enjoying it, go for it. Just make sure you’re practicing safe sex with good people. I’m happy that you are getting out there and dating after a divorce. Enjoy being single and do what makes you happy, whether that means sleeping with multiple sexual partners or not. Finally, it’s common that after we end a long-term relationship we want to go out and experience what we think we’ve been missing. I bet the pendulum will swing the other way and you’ll find yourself wanting something different in the future. So enjoy your newfound sexual freedom, use protection, and check in with yourself once in a while to make sure you’re still enjoying the ride.

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11 Discussion to this post

  1. Tyson says:

    4 sexual partners a month? 48 a year? I’d say that’s too many. Better get tested every 6 months.

    “and check in with yourself once in a while to make sure you’re still enjoying the ride.”

    This is the bottom line. Whether it’s dating or work. Ask yourself if you’re enjoying yourself. If you’re not enjoying yourself, ask yourself if the pain today is worth the sacrifice for a better tomorrow. If there’s no better tomorrow and no fun today, then it’s time for a change.

  2. Kelly says:

    Wow 12 dates in a month, and sleeping with four of them. Within a year you will be going for the Guiness world record for sluttiness and the number of guys you can sleep with lol. What sort of caliber guys are you hanging out with. Sorry, if you sleep with too many guys (or girls if your’e a guy), you are a bona fida whore.

  3. nuson s. says:

    Seems to be a double standard in this subject matter between the sexes us guys will pick a vacation destination according to how easy it is to get casual sex

  4. cj says:

    As times change, I thing is a great topic for discussion. A lot of people are marrying later in life, many are dating while keeping their options open, and then there are folks who have “friends with benefits”, and don’t want to complicate the situation with a status or be what society wants them to be. How many posts have we seen with miserable people stuck in dead end relationships, longing for a fling, or better yet how many secret sexual partners have some people had in their relationships….that’s slutty. It’s no one’s business, do what makes you feel good and be comfortable with whatever you decide. There are tons of prudes who wish they had the balls to get their rocks off without being judged.

  5. NoPepper says:

    ^ stop with the morality police and judgement. If you want to F 1 person or 100 you are no better than anyone else. Be safe, live your life and enjoy yourself. Be safe and tune out small minded folks and their moral mental midgetry.

  6. Jasmine says:

    I don’t think anyone has the right to judge unless they are next on the list and even then…they don’t have to be.

  7. Caitlin says:

    Wow at the ignorant comments from the people above. I appreciated Emily’s take on the situation. As long as this woman feels fine with what she is doing, who are we to judge? I have guy friends who have slept with 4 different people in a weekend. I think gender may have a large role to play here. Sex is a fun moment between people, who cares if you want to have fun with a variety of others? It’s like I’ve always said, “there’s no such thing as a whore, just jealous women and men you won’t sleep with.”

  8. Samantha says:

    Wow! I don’t think Emily could have put it any better! It isn’t about a number, but how each of those experiences make you feel. I support anyone being sexually free, as long as he or she remains happy and healthy.

  9. Eric says:

    What you do is your choice. Be safe, get checked, have fun. That doesn’t make you a whore. Do what makes you happy. Other people need to be less judgemental.

  10. Emily says:

    Sure 48 a year might be alittle steep but its better then not gettibg any, right? I think that if you wanna sleep with 4 guys a month that thats your buissness. When I was 18 I had my slutty college years and I had slept with 5 guys within a summer. Luckly I found the one and never had to keep sleeping with men. For me I loved the attention and the fact that these men desired me! I felt like I can ceatch any swinging dick. Then shortly after I fell in love with the most amazing man! He is everything I could of asked for and more. I love this man! I have sexual attractions to of course other men but no one satisfys me like my love. Anywho sometimes it takes a few or maybe a few 100 but love will find its way in any shap or form. But in the mean time take care of yourself and remember that you have selfworth and respect your body! Take care!

  11. Lisa says:

    once you meet your match the numbers don’t matter

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