Sexy Situations… Kind Of

Screen Shot 2016-01-21 at 2.23.39 PMHave you ever heard a story or had a hot fantasy that in your mind sounds so incredibly romantic and sexy that just the thought of it is enough to make you weak in the knees and instantly horny?

Well, the fantasy of some of these situations SOUND sexy, but the reality is that well… they really aren’t very sexy at all. Here are a few sexual scenarios that sound fun and kinky at first, but when attempted, are not all they’re cracked up to be.

 

 

Taking a Sexy Swim


 The Fantasy:

The sun has set, the summer air is warm and crisp, and the pool is at the perfect temperature. You and your partner jump in, splash around and eventually the swimsuits come off and float their way to the other end of the pool. With nothing but the water and moonlight hitting both of your bodies, the scene seems utterly and perfectly romantic; the perfect time for things to get hot and heavy.

 

Reality:

Sorry to burst your bubble, but having sex in the water is not such a good idea. It actually increases your risk of getting infections. Pool water is treated with chlorine, which can cause irritation down under, and disrupt the natural pH balance in the vagina, making ladies more susceptible to UTIs and yeast infections. If you happen to be getting frisky in a lake or ocean, you’re exposed to millions of bacteria that can also cause infections if you decide to do the deed. And unfortunately, sex in the water does NOT protect against STDs or pregnancy. So, before things get too hot and heavy, get out of the water.   

 

Sex on the Beach


The Fantasy:

You and your partner are relaxing in paradise. The waves are crashing, the sun is setting, and the romance is mounting. ‘Sex on the Beach’ is not only a cocktail, it’s also a situation many people fantasize about down in the sand. Nothing is more beautiful than a beach sunset; the colors of the sky and the sound of the waves crashing as you lay down next to your lover just screams cinematic-style romance.

 

Reality:

Unfortunately, beach sex not as romantic as it may seem. Beaches are typically public and crowded. Even if it’s a slow day, anyone could approach and see you in all your coital glory at any given time. Kids could be around and there are public indecency laws with some hefty fines and possible jail time in some states. Then there’s the sand. Even during regular beach activities, It has a sneaky way of getting up in crevices you didn’t even know you had. Imagine how much more sand will get into places you definitely don’t want it to be. Sex on the beach is not all that sexy, just very uncomfortable.

 

Head on the Road


 The Fantasy:

You’re cruising down the open road and your man has agreed to take the brunt of the driving duties. He’s looking good in the driver’s seat and you’re feeling a little adventurous. You lean over the center console and undo his pants. After all, what better way to say thank you to for driving on this long road trip than with a little blowjob action. He’ll definitely love you for it and most likely thank you for it later.

 

Reality:

While it’s nice for your man, you’ll be super uncomfortable. Leaning over the center console while it jabs you in the side the whole time is not the sexiest feeling. Plus, he’s driving and has to focus on the road, so one of your distracting mind blowing bjs might not be the safest move for anyone on the road. Not to mention that anyone driving by will totally be able to see what you’re doing. Road head is not only unsafe, it’s illegal too.

 

Joining the Mile High Club


 The Fantasy:

We’ve all heard of it: the glorious ‘Mile High Club.’ The only way to become a member is to have sex on an airplane at some point during the flight. You’re lucky if you can even pull this one off  because there’s one very small, bathroom, and a plane full of passengers to sneak conspicuously by. However, if you can, it’s an exhilarating and sexy secret that can help you stretch your legs during a long flight. Plus, you’ll have a great story to tell to fellow club members.

Reality:

The best part about joining the ‘Mile High Club’ is the story, not the sex. Airplane bathrooms are TINY. You can barely fit two people in there, let alone having them thrust about. Also, they’re gross. It’s still a public bathroom even if it’s in a plane. To top it off, the sliding door is thin and not everyone wears their in-flight headphones, so you have to be as quiet as possible. Personally, this sounds like more of a struggle than a sexy situation.
When we hear these stories or see them acted out in porn, they all sound insanely hot. But the more real-life details you add, the less sexy they start to seem. Steamy stories are great and we love having juicy ones of our own to tell, but the reality is most of these situations won’t turn out the way you planned them in your head. I’m not saying that these so-called “sexy” situations shouldn’t be attempted, but before you try any of them out, know that it may turn out to be way less than sexy.

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Discussion about this post

  1. Kaylan says:

    That’s really shdwer! Good to see the logic set out so well.

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