Stagnant Sex Life

Dear Emily,
My wife and I have been married for 15 years, together for 18 and our sex life is stagnant at best. We’re both in our upper 30′s and my libido is just as strong as when I was in high school while hers is nearly non-existent. I thought I would try to spice things up a bit and try to introduce some toys. I would love any suggestions you could give, I know you’ve recommended vibrating rings in the past but what kind would you recommend and how exactly are they most effective. She had a vibrator in the past and it was too strong for her, she has a very sensitive clit so anything too strong won’t work well, so could you suggest a vibrator you think would work for us? Lastly, do you have any suggestions for other toys? She loves it when I hit her g-spot so anything along those lines would be great.
Thanks,
Joe from Cincinnati
Dear Joe,
First let’s tackle the fun part: toys. I have to admit I’m a fan of the the infamous rabbit, it’s a bit of a fame whore but still deserving: the ears stimulate the clitoris while you can also use the vibrator for insertion. As far as vibrating rings, these have become popular in recent years and you can buy them at your local drugstore or more tricked out versions from some sex toy companies. They’re great for couples — you both experience vibrations and for some men they provoke longer and stronger erections and for women the vibration can hit her clitoris from the right angle. So, these rings are definitely a two-fer. How it works? The ring is placed around the man’s penis and has a vibrator strategically placed to hit the women’s clitoris. The good news is many sex toy websites do an excellent job of categorizing vibrators by speed, level, pressure and type (for her, him or couples), so you can sort by your preferences.  Good Vibrations has a great selection of sex toys.

Antidepressants and other medications may change libido..

Good for you for reaching out to find ways to improve your sex life. After so many years together, challenges certainly do arise and a low libido is grounds for a check up from the doctor. For real. There could be many things causing a low libido in women– anxiety, stress, anti-depressants or other medications. So no matter how great the toy, she still might not be in the mood for sex. Remember to look at sex as an evolutionary exploration through the ebbs and flows of your relationship. Once you rule out a medical issue for low libido, toys could be just what’s needed to spice it back up.