A Submissive’s Guide to Being Dominated
“Chains and whips excite me,” might be what Rihanna said, but I personally prefer belts and floggers. Though when the song came out, I was only starting my journey into the BDSM world, so all things naughty excited me.
It did not take me long to realize the reality of BDSM, besides the outcome of mutual fun and euphoric pleasure. It is a serious lifestyle.
BDSM relationships are typically between two people who, in a way, agree to a “committed relationship.” Most views depict this relationship as violent, abusive, and alpha-controlled… Not in the slightest. You and this person love each other, though not the love like Fifty Shades of Grey may lead you to believe. It’s a love of care, protection, and desire to please. Many D/S sessions don’t even end in sex.
Take some advice from someone who has now identified as a full submissive for four years; it’s not just about getting roughed up, it’s about a release. A release of stress, pressure, and tension, followed by a rupture of ecstasy.
So before you dive head first into the sex dungeon, stick to a few guidelines:
Know Your Likes & Learn Your “No’s”
Saying that you like it hard and rough could mean one thing to you, but be off the scale to a potential partner. Be more specific– what is hard and rough? Some hair pulling and a tap on the rear, or is it double penetration and electric shock play?
Keep in mind that being a sub can be a mental game just as much as a physical one. For example, orgasm restriction is a popular one. Others include asking permission, being a footstool, or maybe making them a cup of coffee. Whatever your likes and dislikes may be, know them and make them crystal clear to your dom. Everything in BDSM has to be consensual.
Choose Your Dom Wisely
When BDSM became more mainstream, especially after Fifty Shades of Grey, so many people wanted to try it. I would hear stories of girls (and some guys) telling complete strangers they picked up at bars that they were subs and like BDSM, when really, they’d never stepped down the rabbit hole before.
Sometimes, it worked out in their favor. However, I have also heard horror stories of people getting more than they bargained for. As a sub, you are releasing control, power, and trust into another person in an extremely intimate way. Please, please make sure you give it to the right person!
Obey, Respect, and Please
When you become a sub to a dom, he/she now has complete power and control over you. You give them your full attention and respect, i.e. alway say “Sir”, “Madame”, or whatever other name you have agreed upon. You obey any and all commands they give you.
If you have followed my first two rules, your dom should not request anything from you that you are not already happy to do. However, remember they are there to push you, and will always have your best interest at heart. A sub obeys to please his/her dom, and in return, the dom is there to give pleasure to their sub.
You’ve Got the Power
Yes, from the outside the dom has all the power, but remember: if the sub doesn’t want to play, there is no game. Whats a dom without their sub, anyway? The Dominate is there for the Sub’s pleasure through causing pain and/or embarrassment. It really is that simple, and don’t ever let someone tell you otherwise (they aren’t a true Dom if they do).