The Art of Seduction
Seduction; not to be confused with manipulation or grotesquely flaunting your sexuality as a means to an end. No – think of seduction as a lifestyle skill. A spice to add to your routine, flavor up your day, and perpetuate your own enjoyment! We all are capable of honing this skill, and yet it is often forgotten, or looked at in a less than positive light.
Seduction is the gradual culmination of desire; its all about maintaining TENSION.
It’s commonplace for one to think that when there’s seduction, sex is not too far behind. Pump the breaks on your brain, y’all! Let’s think of seduction as a tool – not solely limited to the bedroom or for a partner.
Let’s get into it!
A SEDUCTIVE HISTORY
For many, it’s hard to think of seduction without thinking of sex, something forbidden, or extremely private. When some people think seduction, one may think sirens from greek mythology or femme fatales, wielding sensuality and seducing to manipulate as a means to an end. Throughout history, seduction was not limited to physical beauty. In fact, it often relied on wit, empathy, self-sufficiency, and sumptuous fashion.
Author Robert Greene, in The Art Of Seduction, proposes that seduction was birthed from the feminine need for power, as “power was mostly gained through physical violence and maintained with brute strength. No one suffered under this scheme of things more than women.” Think Lysistrata, sex was a woman’s main source of power against man’s insatiable desire. The key was to stimulate the mind, coax out fantasies, and keep a delicate balance between hope and despair. The goal was to hook men on sensual pleasures so that they’d fall in love. Then, just when they desired more, their desired person would withdraw – pressing the man to pursue.
Of utmost importance, seduction in history was not strictly for women, no, no, no. Let’s throw it back to the Greeks. Dionysus, a greek god depicted as male, was the Greek god of wine and seduction. A lot of the gods seduced, and they were not limited to heterosexual interactions. There’s also Genji from the classic 11th Century The Tale of Genji, the original Italian Stallion Giacomo Casanova, and every iteration of James Bond, just to name a few.
TENETS OF SEDUCTION
“Seduction is about charm, connection, vulnerability, pride, self-confidence and appeal,” evokes Chen Lizra, a TED Speaker, award winning social entrepreneur, and best-selling author & professional dancer. Seduction broken down into a formula is composed of desire, confidence, body language, and arousal.
Knowing what you want, being cognizant of it, and keeping your eyes on the prize throughout your “seduction dance” is key to playfully attaining your goal.
Let’s focus on the “romantic chase.” One partner is the chaser and the other is the desired. The chaser will make many attempts to woo their lover. The desired deflects their advances, playfully teases them, and challenges them to try again. The key to desire is to keep tension. It’s to not so easily give away the prize, but at the same time, positively reinforce the act of the pursuit. This will increase the chaser’s desire.
It’s important to make seduction your own. Be confident, own your body, have fun with it, and don’t think too much. Think of it as art. It comes from your heart – it’s like finger painting, Lizra asserts. Seduction embodies itself in many ways – through your voice, connection and empathy, with eye contact, and body language. These are just a few tools at your disposal!
USING SEDUCTION AS A TOOL
Practicing seduction can enhance self-esteem, increase self-confidence, and help you feel more confident in your body. Think of seduction as a form of mindful meditation.
Like many things in life, the connotation an action takes depends on the wielder, their intent, and how the action is carried out. So, using seduction in a positive light to enhance your life, without hindering someone else’s in the process, can be a healthy practice. It can even increase work productivity and career development. And, NO. I’m not talking about sleeping your way to the top or using low cut tops and a pretty smile.
If you really think about it, life is a dance of seduction. We are constantly seducing our family, friends, lovers, and colleagues to help reach our goals – and it’s not because we’re trying to sleep with them all. We use our body language, our intelligence, our wit, and our compassion to connect with people, network, and get a long with people all day, everyday.
Psychologist Dr. Raj Persaud references a university social psychology experiment in a TED talk about the psychology of seduction.
The university conducted a dating experiment to rate attractiveness. An unknowing contestant went on a date with an associate of the experiment. The associate would change their behavior on each date. The behaviors were marked as being highly agreeable, highly disagreeable, and disagreeable in the first half of the date and agreeable in the second half of the date (“Agreeableness” was portrayed as concurring that you also loved tomatoes if your date did, and “disagreeableness” defined as the opposite, respectively).
The highly agreeable individual was rated as moderately positive and the highly disagreeable yielded very low scores (obviously). The disagreeable behavior in the first half of the date and agreeable in the latter half possessed exponentially/seductively positive results. Persaud concludes that people rate people as more attractive by “the perceived impact one has on someone else.” In a nutshell, we feel good when we think we’ve had an impact on someone’s beliefs. It’s flattering, to say the least, and definitely strokes the ego. There’s something about having an impact on someone else that seduces us into seeing them as attractive.
Dr. Persaud asserts you can use this tactic in job interviews, business exchanges, and even meeting your partner’s family for the first time. Finding someone’s unmet need, filling it in a way that’s never been filled before, and making it something specific to that person are the key ingredients to a successful seduction. Even though some may find this manipulative, Persaud persists that so many people are playing the game of life and they play it hard. One might fall behind if they don’t play the game themselves.
Regardless on how you play it, all relationships in life are inherently a seduction. Be safe, be kind, be wild, have fun with it!