The Initiation Games: 4 Tips for Taking the Lead

lets-have-sexWith all the complications that come with sex and dating, once you’ve locked someone down, the easiest part should be having sex…right? No longer do you have to impress this person or bring them to a state of awe because you’ve already got them right there on the couch eating potato chips and sloppy joes.

When it comes to actually doing ‘it,’ things become lopsided; one person initiates all the time, and it never seems to cross the other’s mind. Maybe both partners grew into laziness as time passed and before they realized it—the last time they had sex was before football season. 

Sometimes we want to initiate. On the inside, we’re screaming and yelling “TAKE ME NOW!” but all that we manage to get out is a breathless peep of unrecognizable utters one might just equate to gas.

What holds us back? What keeps us from just going for it when in most cases, we’ll actually get what we want?

It’s ourselves, our partners, what they might think and the fear of rejection. It’s life getting in the way, it’s fatigue and it’s not knowing what in the hell you’re doing. Not everyone is suave and debonair, or has the seductive poetry styles of Shakespeare. Regardless of how unsexy and awkward you might think you are, there are always ways to initiate a romp in the sheets.

Here are a few ways to initiate sex, just in case you keep hitting that impassable barrier between you and your partner (besides your clothes)…


Regardless of your gender or sexual orientation, male or female, some people don’t have the slightest clue how to initiate sex. People fall into patterns and just assume that if their partner wants to get busy, they’ll say so. Such a passive attitude towards the subject will ensure that you may never get busy again.


Just like anything else in a relationship, you have to say what you want and ask for it, too. Instead of lying awake in bed next to each other twiddling your thumbs, burning with desire on the inside, roll over, give your partner a kiss and say, “hey babe, I’m feeling frisky.” Add a smile and a wink, and off to pleasure town you go! Most of the time, your partner isn’t going to turn you down, and will be happy to oblige. And, if it’s usually the other who gets things started off in a sexy direction, they’ll be surprised and pleased that you took that extra step; it’s a compliment, really.


Okay, sometimes we need to do more than just say, “let’s get it on.” In those cases, it can seem one-sided when sex is a two-way street. This is especially important if your partner takes a little prompting to get in the mood. It’s called getting turned on, but it’s not like a light switch.

Sending a simple text message can make the world of difference. Let them know what you want them to do to you, or what you want to do to them when they get home. Describe one of your sexual excursions to them and that you’ve been thinking about it all day long. Whether you’re a wordsmith or not, a text saying how much you’ve been thinking about them all day can be enough to signal that you want to have sex later.


Let’s set the stage: your partner’s at work, making money and all that jazz, when their phone buzzes. Thinking it’s going to be a regular, pick up milk on the way home kind of text, they glance down and come to find out it’s something steamy! Just imagining their reaction will turn you on even more, so by the time you both see each other, the clothes are off before the door gets unlocked! (All this and they still managed to pick up milk on the way home.)


We live in a world where listening has become a quality hard to come by. We hear the words spoken, but are typically more inclined to see what a person’s body language has to say. When it comes to sex, sometimes words aren’t even need at all.

no words, just sex

Set the mood before your partner gets home; light some candles, play some sensual music, whatever gets you relaxed. When you see your partner, give them a deeper kiss than normal. Sit them on the couch and start kissing them all over. With the lights down low and the mood set, you won’t need to say a word to get intimate with your partner. Plus, the clear effort that you put into the evening will show your partner how much you adore them and want to be with them.


One of the biggest reasons people don’t initiate sex with their partners is the fear of rejection. The hard part is over (well, one of them anyway) you’re already in a relationship, you’ve locked them down, how can you feel rejected? Although it seems strange to worry about this, people still have insecurities. Anytime your advances are rejected, over-analyzation starts. They aren’t attracted to me anymore. They must think I’m a crazy, sex fiend. They didn’t initiate with me, I should have known better.


Most people have had thoughts like this cross their mind, and it keeps them from going after what they really want. Your significant other has chosen to be with you—remember that! They wouldn’t be in your bed if they didn’t want to be. Instead of living in orgasmless fear, just go for it. If they aren’t in the mood, it’s not a reflection of how they feel about you, they just aren’t in the mood. They may be tired, stressed or super gassy—you never know! The key thing to remember is that rarely will you be to blame because your partner isn’t feeling it. In fact, they might even feel worse for turning you down than you do. Chalk it up to bad timing, and don’t let it stop you from initiating again.


There are a bunch of ways to let your partner know that it’s time to get down to business, but needing a little help figuring it out shouldn’t make you feel like you aren’t the sexy vixen you hope to be. Sometimes, a little push in the right direction is all you need. Be confident, be bold and have more sex!  

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