The Sex Talk
1. Sex can be a lot of fun, especially when you like the person you’re having sex with. (Let’s not get into hate sex right now).
2. Always use protection. Boys, slap on a condom. I don’t care if it doesn’t feel as spectacular as going in unclad. You’re still going to have orgasm and won’t have to pay child support for the rest of your life.
Girls, not only does birth control make your boobs bigger and your skin clearer, it prevents babies from popping out of you. There’s nothing worse than praying for your period. Then breaking down in tears of joy when the horrible cramps seize your body and you know you’re not pregnant.
Get on birth control and make sure he’s wearing a condom. No boy is worth your time if he doesn’t want to wear one.
3. Sex doesn’t necessarily equal power. I think young people think that if they start having sex they will feel more mature, and have a greater understanding of life. They will be closer to the good stuff that’s waiting for them on the other side of adulthood.
But losing your virginity can be a complete disillusionment. You might realize that the person you lost it with cares more about sex than what you have to say or that it doesn’t feel as amazing as you thought it would. When you’re young, some people don’t know where to put their penis or their heart.
4. Trust me, it gets better. The older you get, the more you get to know yourself and what works for you. After you make a mistake ten or fifteen times you will actually learn how to avoid it, including the types of people you choose to sleep with.
As a woman, the most important thing to learn about sex is that your own pleasure is important. You don’t need to spend the whole time trying to impress him. Trust me, he’s already impressed that you are a real life girl touching his penis. Try not to be too self-conscious, he’s not thinking about the pimple on your nose or how your left breast is slightly bigger than your right breast. He’s just thinking about how much he likes breasts.
Men, always try to make her feel comfortable and don’t be afraid to tell her if you’re inexperienced and need guidance. They’ll feel good that you cared enough to ask. A lot of women feel objectified during sex and it’s nice to know that the guy genuinely cares if you’re having a good time.
The truth is, no one knows what they’re doing when they start having sex. That’s what makes anything having to do with sex so much fun.
If most people could go back to when they were young, I think they would be more direct and honest about what they wanted. They’d try to treat people with more respect and delicacy. And they’d never take shit from people who treated them poorly.
5. The novelty of touching someone is sometimes more exciting than the pleasure that comes with sex. As time goes by, you’ll figure out the rest of it. For now, enjoy the warm fuzzy feelings you share with people you want to get close to. These moments quickly slip into nostalgia. You’ll never adore a crush with such childhood innocence again.
Even if you’re a cynical adult, we needed to have this sex talk. It’s easy to fall into the same patterns you had when you were sixteen– having sex with people who treat you poorly, seeking validation through sex, and being too embarrassed to ask for directions.
If you don’t recognize these patterns, the things that hurt when you were young will follow you into adulthood.
Grow up and have the sex life you always hoped for yourself. You don’t even have to sneak into your parent’s house or do it in the back of your old Plymouth Valiant.