The Virgin Diaries
Once upon a time, I took a man’s virginity. This isn’t odd or strange or unprecedented in human history, nor was it a “first” for me. The thing that made this experience, and the ensuing pseudo-relationship, remarkable was that this virgin (let’s call him Victor) was 32 years old.
Victor was not only a virgin of sex, he was a virgin of dating, relationships, ANY sexual activity and even close friendships with women. I was the first naked woman he had ever seen in real life, and I was the first person, besides himself, to ever take a peek at his penis.
When Victor told me about his virginity, I was shocked. He seemed charming, well-adjusted and was quite good-looking in my opinion. I thought he was joking with me, or maybe just launching a precarious hail-mary to get into my pants. But no, he was 100% virgin. I told him right then and there that if he wanted me to be, I would be his first.
Well, we did it. And we did it again. And over the course of a few months we did it enough for Victor to finally overcome his anxiety about sex and feel like a pro. Now a couple years later, he is in a solid new relationship in which he claims to be the dominant sexual energy! What seemed like an insurmountable demon in his 32-year-old life is now a well-honed skill that generates pleasure and confidence for him every day.
Along with his own success story, Victor also had some wisdom to share for all you later-in-life virgins out there:
1. Put a Pause on the Porn
If you have limited or no sexual experience, porn can start to define your sexual identity. This is a major problem because PORN SEX IS NOT REAL SEX. At the end of the day, pornography is a branch of the entertainment industry. There are a lot of smoke, mirrors, misdirections, and exaggerations in porn. Believe it or not, most penises are NOT 10 inches long, and most women do NOT come 100 times during sex. Not even close.
Porn is a fantasy, and by definition, fantasies are largely unrealistic. It is a less than ideal medium for sexual education. Watching too much porn can give you a skewed perception of what sex is supposed to be. So if you’re looking to have sex for the first time, taking a break from porn can be the perfect first step to jog you into the world of real life sex.
2. Cultivate Friendships
For many later-in-life virgins, the lack of sex goes hand in hand with a certain level of social anxiety. Start slow! Work on learning how to have a conversation with members of the opposite sex or prospective sex partners. Sexual attraction is a function of brain chemistry. If you can become comfortable talking to someone one-on-one, leading into a sexual conversation, and even sexual activity will be that much easier.
3. Don’t Worry About Your Junk!
If you’ve never had sex, chances are not very many people have borne witness to your nether-regions. This might make you second-guess the aesthetic appeal and health of your genitals. First of all, for all intents and purposes, size DOESN’T matter. Whether you have a penis or a vagina, the size of your genitalia is not as important to your sexual partners as you may think. The average vagina is only about 3-4 inches deep, so an extra large penis is not ideal anatomically for women.
Also, vaginas are fully elastic and engineered to push babies out! Stretching out a vagina or having a “loose” vagina is not likely or possible. And if you’re worried about your genital health, If you’ve been to visit a doctor in recent years, and don’t have any alarming growths or symptoms in between your legs, your privates are probably fit as a fiddle! One upside to being a virgin is that abstinence is the only 100% sure fire way to be STD-free.
4. Have Realistic Expectations
Your first time will almost certainly not be your best time. Practice makes perfect, and virgins don’t turn into sex-gods overnight. Go into first time sex knowing that you probably won’t be good at it. Have a sense of humor about it! And do your best not to get attached. It can be hard not to get attached to your first sex partner. Many of us, like Victor, have married the ideas of Love and Sex in our minds and separating the two can be a difficult process. Sure, it’s possible that your first could be your last, but if you’re not saving yourself for marriage, it isn’t likely.
5. Remember, it Gets Easier
Sex is an instinctive behavior. The sexual response is inborn in humans and the vast majority of us, (with the exception of asexuals) come pre-wired for it. Don’t get me wrong, none of us come out of the womb a sexpert-Casanova, but just reminding yourself that you were made to do it can make the idea of sex a lot less intimidating. I mean hey, we’re all just animals, right?
Laurie Magers is a comedy writer and actor living in Los Angeles. Her favorite color is red and her favorite food is crab legs. Check out more from her at www.lauriemagers.com.