‘Tis the Season to be Cuffed

handcuffsDespite the looming threat of climate change, winter is still on its way (kind of) and along with it comes another change in season. For whatever reason, we are more inclined to stay in when “the weather outside is frightful.” Maybe it’s because the lack of sun is depriving us of energy and driving up our melatonin levels, or maybe it’s the appeal of cuddling up with a cup of hot chocolate.  Whatever the case may be, it’s clear that the pumpkin spice lattes are upon us and so is cuffing season.

What exactly is cuffing? No, it’s not when people start tying each other up more in the bedroom (although, they very well could be). If that’s your style, make sure you’re using the right kind of cuffs, like Sportsheets Midnight Lace Cuffs. Trust me, your wrists will thank you. I’m actually talking about the time of year when people are leaving the field, handing in their rosters, and shacking up with their star player.

When the temperature starts to drop, so does the desire to go out to the clubs or bars, but the appetite for sex still remains. Especially if casual sex is your game, what are you supposed to do during the off season? Just because it’s too cold or too dark to go out doesn’t mean your sexual needs magically fizzled away with the sunlight.

The holidays are fast approaching and the time to lock down bae is here. But, do not be fooled by the cuffer; this doesn’t mean they are changing their ways for good. Those who cuff completely plan on returning to their single life ways as soon as spring has sprung. To the serial monogamist, the concept may seem strange. Why would you stop seeing someone because the weather is getting warmer? Well, everyone needs a little companionship now and then, right? Even those that like things a little less… Long-term.

Why Do We Do it:

There’s something about cold weather and holiday vibes that will send even the most eligible bachelor(ette) searching for a hand to hold. Although it seems like it’s just a trend, it’s something that most people relate to, almost innate in human nature. I mean, no one would have survived the ice age without a little body heat. So, it could be our primal instincts, it could be boredom with the constant hunt for a coital handshake, or it could be feelings of envy creeping out from seeing happy couples everywhere.

It’s true; even the most independent guy or gal you know feels the effects of loneliness every once in awhile. When most people are indoors, relaxing by fireplaces, baking cookies, or let’s be honest here, napping together, it’s hard not to find it appealing. Going out seems more like a chore during these months; there are far less people to choose from, and it begins to get tiring and quite, well… Boring. So, why not shake things up a bit and try something a little more serious? The worst that can happen is that you’ll fall in love and retire from the field forever. Gee, how terrible. And if it doesn’t work out with the person you’ve chosen to cuff, well, that’s the whole point now isn’t it? You were planning on making a miraculous comeback into the dating pool come April, right?

So, while there are many reasons people feel the need to take part in cuffing season, if you’re a cuffer: it’s okay. But, you have to make sure that you’re not completely stringing someone along. There are right and wrong ways to have a successful cuffing season.  

How To Do It (the smart way):

Think of cuffing as a dating hibernation. You may be taking a break for now, but you’re just resting up for your next big reintroduction into the single life. As for now, it’s time to reset your attitude and brush up on some relationship etiquette (let’s face it, you’re probably rusty). Before you head into the Netflix cave, you have to stock up on various fall weather items and of course, find someone worthy to binge watch all of Grey’s Anatomy with that you wouldn’t mind spending so much time with. Besides making sure your streaming accounts are up to date and that you’ve got more soup and hot chocolate than two people could possibly consume over a 6-month period, you have to make sure you keep a few things in mind…

BE UPFRONT: The worst thing you can do is lead someone on. I’m not saying that you need to come right out and say, “hey, I’m kicking you to the curb as soon as it hits President’s Day.” However, you can definitely let someone know that you aren’t looking for something entirely serious. It’s a simple conversation that doesn’t need to hurt anyone’s feelings. In fact, the person you’ve decided to cuff may feel exactly the same way! So, don’t keep a cuffee in the dark.

CHOOSE WISELY: Not everyone is cuffing material. It’s not because they aren’t necessarily suitable mates, they just can’t grasp the idea of “cuffing.” Exes, drama queens, serial monogamists, and roommates are people to avoid. These people are only going to make things more complicated than you intended, and will leave you exhausted and scared of commitment for the rest of your life. Maybe there’s a booty call who is actually fun to hang with that is also looking to be cuffed, or an old fling is in town for  only a few months, or you went on Tinder and swiped right on someone who was “looking to be cuffed.” These are the people you need to be considering when making your selection.

DON’T BE LAZY: Okay, you’ve cuffed someone and now you have someone to snuggle with most nights; you couldn’t be happier. This is not the time to get cocky about yourself. If you feel like you’re the cuffer, don’t assume the role of dominance over the cuffee. It may be a lazy sunday, but when it comes to sex, it’s still a two way street called Effort. The person you’ve locked down is not there to only serve your needs and pleasure; you’re there for each other’s pleasure. So take the foreplay up a notch, and be as giving as you are receiving.

BE OPEN: As much as you try to keep yourself emotionally guarded, you somehow found yourself looking for ways to stay cuffed. We may have a vision for how we want things to turn out; stay cuffed to someone for awhile, and have a mutually understood severing of ties as Easter approaches. Sometimes, however, we find someone we actually care about. It’s okay to say someone made you retire from the game. Don’t let the idea of “uncuffing” keep you from developing a real relationship.

Cuffing is not for everyone, so if it’s not your style, don’t feel left out. Some people never feel the need to be tied down, and some are always in it for the long haul. If you’re thinking about cuffing for the first time, just make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into and that the person you’ve cuffed does, also. So, go and find that person you can cuff all winter long, but make sure to keep the keys in a safe place.  

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2 Discussion to this post

  1. I read something recently that basically said, “relationships take work; a boyfriend won’t make the freezing weather outside any less cold.” I think that’s kind of changed my outlook on cuffing season and placed me firmly in the, “I’m just gonna stay single for now” camp. And it’s true – relationships don’t get easier or more enjoyable over the holiday season. They continue to take a lot of time and energy that I simply don’t have. So I’m avoiding it this year. I think that’s best for me.

  2. Anjii says:

    Heckuva good job. I sure apetacipre it.

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