So, You Want To Get Hurt? Top 4 S&m Games To Try Tonight!

hurt blog sex with emily

hurt blog sex with emilyI heard that you’re a little bit curious about getting hurt, or perhaps hurting your partner? Consensually, of course. Well, you’ve come to the right place.

Today I’ll be teaching you some fun and painful sadomasochism games to explore with a willing lover. Whether you’re a pain Top or bottom, this blogs for you. If you have a partner who’s vanilla (non-kinky), read through this blog first.   


Safety First, Always. 

Suprise! I’m not going into the S&m safety basics in this blog. Why? Because you’re a good student, so you’ve definitely read my S&m intro guide already, as well as my BDSM 1 and BDSM 2 beginner blogs. That’s good, because consensual kinky Sadomasochism is no joke. 

This is an intermediate level blog, so please don’t read this if you haven’t learned the S&m foundations (and especially safety basics) first. I’m here to help you hurt bodies, not hearts. These are really fun games that I give my clients who are new to BDSM, especially if they are exploring S&m. Lucky for you, I’m giving it to you for free! Ready? Let’s explore. 


1- Safeword Game

Many bottoms/subs are scared to use their safewords, so this is a great game to help encourage their use. The fundamental principles of BDSM are consent, boundaries, trust, respect, and communication. This exercise works to establish and solidify those into a protective, emotional container between the parties to allow for safe (and fun) play. Determine together what your safe words will be. 

I highly recommend the stoplight system, as I don’t believe that a single word like “peanut butter” allows enough space for the nuances of emotional and physical triggers. Here’s the basic structure of the stoplight system:

Green = You can use this to mean “that feels really good, more please”

Yellow = Play needs to pause, conversation, and then adjustments made before proceeding.

Red = Play needs to immediately stop, support is given and lots of aftercare. 

I strongly recommend also adding:

Black = Massive trigger, don’t have time for ropes to be untied if they are being used, cut me out, remove me from the situation, emotional emergency. 


Once you have established what these mean to you, have a session where the clear shared intent is to get the bottom/sub to use their ‘yellow’ safe word. Talk in advance of the session so the Top/Dom can be clear with how they attend to achieve this, and pick some impact/pain tools your sub enjoys. The bottom/sub should be rewarded for using their safe word, not just in this exercise, but always. 

Safewords are key to healthy BDSM play, and it’s crucial that the Top/Dom can trust their partner to use them, it is absolutely their responsibility to do so, no one is a mind reader, and Tops/Doms have A LOT of responsibility already. However, it is still important that a Top/Dom calls a scene if they feel the bottom/sub has had too much and the scene can then be discussed at a later date. 


2- The Buffet of Hurt

This game is so much fun! Layout all your favorite pain tools for your session with your pain sub/bottom. Here are a few suggestions to get you started: crop, whip, paddle, ruler, flogger, pinwheel, hairbrush, nipple and/or clit clamps, wooden spoon, silicone spatula. 

Next, bring your sub/bottom into the room so they can see all the toys. Check with them that you have their consent to use all of them, and if there is anything you should know in advance. Then, blindfold them, and lay them down comfortably on the bed. You may want to restrain them or not, whatever you both prefer. 

Then, use each tool on them, however, you’d like, and ask them to rank each implement after experiencing it from 1-10 on a pain scale. Not only does this game overwhelm your sub/bottom with a plethora of sensory pain delights, but it also gives you invaluable information on their preferences and pain threshold for future sessions. 


3- Pain Roleplay

Roleplay is not just for vanilla folks! It’s also a fun element to combine with Sadomasochism. Think up some of your favorite sexy scenarios, and then get creative and figure out how to include pain. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

-Teacher spanks naughty student on their desk with a ruler (bonus points for a schoolgirl outfit)

-Prisoner gets punished

Daddy/Mommy/Caregiver sits a little on their lap and spanks them for being naughty

-A naughty animal that gets in trouble

-A pirate catches a stowaway and treats them accordingly…


4- Lucky Dip

This is a fun little S&m game that’s particularly good for switches. If you’re both switches, the person drawing the cards is the one who will receive the pain. For those of you who prefer to stay in one role, that’s totally fine too. You can still each take turns drawing the cards, but one person just remains the sub/bottom. 

For this game you’ll need: 

-Two containers of any kind

-Paper and a pencil/pen

-Any and all impact/pain tools you have (you can also play this game with no impact tools).


First, write down a list together of all the ways one can deliver pain, both with your body and with pain tools, if you’re using them. For example, bite, hit, pinch, paddle, twist, whip, strike, clamp, flick, etc. Cut them up and place them into one container. 

Next, write down all the body parts that the sub/bottom is open to receiving pain on. For example: nipple, buttock, stomach, thigh, genitals, feet, etc. Then cut those up and place them in the second container. 

Each person takes a turn at drawing one card from each container, and delivering that request to their sub/bottom. Switch roles or not, your choice. One round might be “twist” and “nipple”, the next might be “flog” and “feet”. Be open-minded and have fun with it! The surprises and challenges this game presents is half the fun. 


I hope this blog gave you lots of devilish ideas and sparked excitement into your sex life. Which was your favorite game? Let us know, we’d love to hear all about it. 



Isabella Frappier is an Australian ex-pat living in LA, who swapped gumtrees for palm trees. She’s a writer and a holistic Sexuality Doula, who specializes in body literacy, sexual sovereignty, and BDSM.
She is also a host on the popular new Sex Magic Podcast. When she’s not busy championing her sex positive agenda, she—oh wait—she’s always busy doing that. Follow her adventures on Instagram.


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