The Truth About Sex Dreams: 2 Experts Tell All
We all have sex dreams. Sometimes they’re super-weird and we’d rather just forget they happened. Other times, they’re super-hot and are worthy of being saved forever in your secret spank bank. If you’ve ever been confused, excited, or just plain freaked out by a sex dream, you’re not alone; and there are even experts to figure out what they mean!
Meet Anne Hodder and Kezia Vida, two healers who use dreams to help clients (and themselves) decipher the messages that our brains send us while we’re sleeping. Anne is a certified sex educator and Kezia is a professional dream expert, and they’ve joined forces to bring their sex, love, and relationship expertise to Los Angeles for an enlightened workshop all about understanding our dreams better.
“Sex and love dreams can be super-intense and sometimes even a little embarrassing, depending on what you ended up dreaming about,” Anne says. “But don’t fret – your dreams aren’t telling you hidden secrets about your true self. If you dreamt about infidelity, your brain isn’t telling you that you’re secretly a ‘cheater.’ If you dreamt about having sex with an ex from 3 years ago, your brain isn’t trying to tell you that they were secretly ‘the one.’ And if you dreamt about having an amazing experience that was actually completely illegal, your brain is NOT telling you that you’re some kind of criminal in sheep’s clothing.”
OK so then what in the world do these crazy (and sometimes kinky) dreams mean?
“Just like sexuality, dreams are complex, personal, and filled with nuance – especially sex and love dreams!” Kezia says. “Once you’ve woken up and remembered a particularly steamy or unsettling dream, I recommend writing it down as soon as possible. This will let you refer to it later and train yourself to remember more dreams in the future. Don’t dwell on the specific events of the dreams; instead, think about what you FELT during each part and approach it with curiosity and an open mind. Judging yourself is not going to get anywhere, so do your best to leave judgments behind.”
Anne and Kezia gave us a crash course in dream-working, and they recommend asking yourself these key questions once you’ve woken up, written down your dream, and maybe had a cup of coffee (or two):
- How did you feel in the dream, especially during the more sexual parts?
- What were you feeling before, during, and after the most memorable (or sexual) parts of the dream?
- How do those feelings compare and contrast to the feelings you have when you’re awake?
“Try writing down the answers in a journal and refer back to them,” Anne says. “Often, you’ll end up learning something about yourself and doesn’t directly or specifically apply to your sex or love life. You can even apply this newfound personal knowledge to your relationships, especially if you’re trying to cultivate something romantic or sexual with someone new in your life.”