5 Sex Lessons You Should Have Learned in Your 20’s
It’s true what they say, the finer things in life get better with age. Fine wine, for example, and jazz music, fancy cheese, NPR…. And then, of course, there’s sex. I don’t buy into the whole “sexual peak” thing, but there’s no question that sex becomes infinitely better as you mature.
Women who wrote themselves off as unorgasmic at the ripe old age of 19, blossom into multiple O-hood as they move into their 30’s. I don’t think that women’s vaginas are maturing into sexual perfection, like a $200 block of aged cheddar, I think it has more to do with a combination of lots of practice, increased confidence and, most importantly, better lovers.
The crazy part is, we thought sex was absolutely incredible in its early stages. Even if it consisted of three minutes of feverish kissing, five thrusts and a shared cigarette on the drive home, we truly believed that sex was THE BEST and that it couldn’t get any better. It’s like trying boxed wine and truly thinking it was the most fantastic thing you had ever put to your lips, only to be embarrassed for your 16-year-old self at your first official wine tasting.
When I think back to my early sex experiences, I mostly remember hurried moments, awkward transitions and feeling a sort of relief when it was over. I thought orgasms were something that only happened on episodes of Sex and the City, not something that any woman could actually experience at any given time. Looking back, I’m sort of astounded that I wanted to have sex at all. I guess I must have known, deep down, that there was something better. And lo and behold, now in my mid-20’s, I have finally found it.
The truth of the matter is, great things take time… And experience. And some freaking lube, for pete’s sake. And now that I am on the other side, shaking my head at the poor 18-year-old me who thought foreplay meant smoking a pre-sex joint, I have some knowledge I wish I could share. Let’s call them Twenty-Something Sex Lessons.
1. Intercourse is Not the Only Thing On the Menu
Foreplay, foreplay, where art thou foreplay? Back before we actually started having sex, foreplay was all we had. Entire hookups were dedicated to hand jobs, blow jobs and other activities, and we loved it. Then sex happened, and suddenly foreplay became something we rushed through just to get to the “main event.”
Little did I know, I was placing my focus in all the wrong places. Foreplay is not just a suggestion, a pre-meal snack, if you will. Foreplay is a requirement. Through kissing, manual and oral stimulation, teasing and whatever else you might cook up, foreplay makes sex more pleasurable, and increases women’s chances at having an orgasm. Plus, when done correctly, foreplay can be just as delicious as the sex itself.
Now your partner might not know this, ladies, so it’s up to YOU to ask for it. After all, he’s probably not holding back when the topic of blow jobs come up, am I right?
2. It’s Not a “Job” If You Enjoy It
Speaking of blow jobs … I spent a lot of time in my younger years avoiding blow jobs like it WAS my job. Thanks to a couple overeager head-pushers, I had decided blow jobs just weren’t my thing. Whatever, I could develop other skills … Like calligraphy.
It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized the true power that comes from giving a good BJ. Think about it, you’ve got him by the balls – Literally! He is putting all of his pleasure in your capable hands (and mouth), which is pretty damn hot. Plus, there’s always the law of reciprocity: Give a little, get a little. Or get a lot, if you did a good job on your end.
If you really want to be able to get into going down, you need to change your mindset. Think about it: the things you do best in life are the things you enjoy, right? If you’re going down on him with the same amount of enthusiasm usually reserved for swallowing a spoonful of Robitussin, no one is going to have a good time. Get off on the act of getting him off, and suddenly it won’t feel like such a chore after all.
3. You Can’t Just Lie There
Newsflash ladies: Girls can be bad at sex. I know, I was shocked too. Hell, I used to think that as long as I had a vagina, I could do no wrong. WRONG. Women like to sit and whisper about guys who didn’t know what they were doing, blaming them for our lack of orgasm, when all we did was lie there like a dead fish and expect to see stars. I’m not saying you need to hop on his penis and ride him like an insta-porn star, but help the poor guy out a little!
Unless you are involved in some wax statue role-playing, you need to stop with the bump-on-a-log routine and start participating. Move your hips, arch your back, climb on top for a change! The fact of the matter is, great sex is something that happens between two people. The more you get into it and move in a way that feels good for you, the more you will both enjoy the ride.
4. Drunk Sex = Bad Sex
Ahhh, drunk sex. In college it was almost a rite of passage to have at least one drunken hookup. But when you wake up feeling like death in someone else’s twin bed, missing your roomkeys and your shoes, you may find yourself questioning this so-called tradition. I know because I’ve been there.
Drunk sex is one of those things that sounds fun in theory, but is actually a sloppy, messy disaster. Sure those last few shots seemed like a good idea, and now you’re uber confident and super loose, but those Jaeger bombs are gonna hit you where it hurts: Right in the genitals. Whiskey dick is real, ladies and gents! And even if the equipment is working, there’s no guarantee that you will be able to hit the right spots, keep the rhythm or ward off the spins when you switch from doggie-style to cowgirl position.
I know a lot of guys are thinking “But hey, when I’m drunk I can go all night.” Why not skip those last three shots, apply a little Promescent, and spend the night coherently showing the lady a good time instead? If there is even the slightest chance of nookie in your future, do the smart thing and cut yourself off. Buzzed sex has all the benefits of drunk sex, without the possibility of throwing up in your partner’s roommate’s closet.
5. Fake Orgasms Benefits No One
This is a big one, ladies. I know, it’s so tempting to give your partner a little ego boost. And sometimes, you just know it’s not going to happen. But he’s trying his best, and the sex isn’t AWFUL, so you throw the dude a bone. Along with some well-timed “oohs” and “aahs.” Next thing you know, you’re cuddling, and all’s right with the world, right? Wrong again.
Here’s the thing: When you fake an orgasm, you are telling a guy that what he is doing is working, even if it isn’t. And since you gave such a convincing performance, he will keep doing these same moves over and over, expecting the same results. Now you have not only screwed yourself out of future orgasms, you have also endangered the orgasms of any future partners he may have. Five years later, this poor guy is still going to be doing the wrong things and wondering why no ladies are melting into O-puddles.
Do the right thing, and offer some constructive criticism instead. It takes more effort to fake writhe and moan than it does to point him in the direction of your clitoris.