We’re Thankful For…

la fwefIn order to kick off “Gratitude is Sexy” month the right way, I asked all of the members of my Sex With Emily team what they were most thankful for in their sex and dating lives. These ladies come from totally different walks of life, from their relationship status to their sexual experiences to the many ways they like to get busy, making them a great example of the many things we’ve all got to feel grateful for!

Intern Jamie (Age 22)

I’m thankful for living during a time where it’s okay for women to openly like and talk about sex. If I was stuck back in the ‘50s, where women were generally more reserved, I’d feel completely trapped. That’s why I am so happy to be a new part of the SWE team, the perfect place to feel completely comfortable being really interested in sex!

Although there are still double standards about how men and women should feel about sex, like the “player” versus the “slut” example, they aren’t as strong as before and the status quo is changing. I have always loved talking about sex, and not just things I’ve experienced. I love actually talking about what people like, what people don’t like, different views on relationships, or advice on how to handle certain situations. I’m thankful I don’t have to feel ashamed for being so open about sex. I’ve always believed it’s healthy to talk about these things because it’s on all of our minds anyways, might as well share some insight. Having conversations with people is one of the best ways to learn new things, so why not talk about something that may help you in the bedroom?

Laurie (Age 27)

I have a dating and relationship track record that’s shoddy at best. I’ve been in love more times than I can count on one hand, and each time the relationship has fallen apart and crumbled into a million tiny pieces of regret, resentment and repetition of ruinous patterns. Between fits of fiery romance, tumultuous arguing and frenzied falling outs, I had resigned to the idea that I would inevitably be mismatched, mistreated or undervalued by any man I chose to be with. I found myself on the verge of giving up on the dream of triumphant love that I feel I was made for.

Then, I met a guy. We went on the best first date I had ever been on in my life, and since then have been embarking on what seems to be a normal, healthy, loving and supportive relationship. I couldn’t be more thankful. So many women get stuck in unhealthy relationships and never leave because of the fear of being alone. They start to believe that they’ll never find better and I was one of them not too long ago, settling for a situation far beneath my potential and capacity for love. Now, with this season of gratitude upon us, I feel incredibly lucky to have stumbled upon a fully functioning adult relationship. I’m treated well, my affections are reciprocated, and I don’t feel completely consumed by the goings on between me and my boyfriend.   Maybe this is what it’s like to finally grow up. Maybe I just met the right one. Either way, I am grateful to him for being so wonderful, grateful to myself for allowing it to happen, and grateful to OKcupid for suggesting that we meet.

 

 

Alyssa (Age 23)

It might sound slightly out of the norm, especially for me, but this year I’m actually thankful for being single. After finally healing from a breakup that left me sad, needy and prone to bad decisions involving the ex, I’m so happy to say that I’m basking in the glory that is single-girl freedom! Not only did I enjoy the reinstallment of my vast and still-growing social circle, but getting to meet and enjoy different male personalities (and yes, their bodies too) has been a grand adventure I didn’t realize I was missing. There’s so many dope dudes out there, and they’re all thrillingly different: some are tattooed, some musicians, some love to take me to sushi and some love to cook. No matter what, it’s seriously so much fun to get to know new people, whether it’s a casual fling or otherwise. And as a person who is driven almost to a fault by the pursuit of fun, you can trust me.

For a long time I thought the only way to move on and be blissful again was to fall in love with someone else, but my experiences in recent years have taught me that it’s not at all about simply replacing someone. It’s really a journey about regaining independence and becoming a whole, confident person again but without a significant other. I will always be grateful for the experiences I had in my first relationship – he taught me a lot about life, companionship,  cohabitation, and the difference between sex and making love. But I’m also grateful to him for showing me what I now know I do not want in my future relationships, and when to give myself more respect. I haven’t sworn off serious relationships in any way, when my next Mr. Big comes along I’ll be ready. But until then, you can catch me following my bliss, wherever that may take me, and for that I’m truly grateful.

 

Madison (Age 25)

This year was a huge one for me because it marked my first experience living with a significant other. As anyone who has cohabitated with a partner can attest, this has been a year FULL of lessons in love, sex and bedroom politics. If you really want to see how strong your relationship is, try stuffing a two-person wardrobe into a closet for one and tell me how much sex you plan on having. But besides the obvious bathroom issues, the constant “boy” smell and the battle for control of the AC unit, there was one issue I never saw coming that really hit me hard: Where the hell am I supposed to masturbate?

Maybe it’s the only child in me, but I require a certain amount of alone time for my own personal sanity. And since I first purchased my trusty magic bullet vibrator in 2010, some of that personal time has been dedicated to masturbating. When living separately, my boyfriend was aware of my masturbation practices, but kind of the same way you’re aware of your boss or SO’s bathroom habits — You know they do it, but you’re not really concerned with the details of when, where and how. Then all of a sudden we’re living together; all of MY space becomes OUR space, MY time becomes OUR time, and I’ve got nowhere to live out my solo sex life. Out of respect for my constantly horny partner, I can’t easily bust out a self-love session right in front of the guy when I have no intention of including him in the fun. So what’s a girl to do? Do I resign to a lease-time of partnered sex only, or do I create new cohabitation rules that allow me to keep up with my masturbatory habits, even if it means my partner gets occasionally left out?

So here comes the thing I’m the most thankful for: I’m thankful for the continued existence of my solo sex life. I’m thankful to my boyfriend for understanding my needs and respecting them. And more importantly, I’m thankful for the toys that make masturbation in a one bedroom apartment an actual possibility. The game totally changed when I brought home my Magic Wand Rechargeable, because suddenly the whole apartment was my masturbation playground! Now I can easily vibe one out in the living room without disturbing my sleeping boyfriend (or my roommate), and if that’s not worth a year full of gratitude, I don’t know what is.

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