Getting Sexually Literate: Dungeons, Electro Stim, & Fantasies
From electrical currents to sex toy chests, nurse costumes to literary erotica, there is so much more to sex than just the old in-and-out.
Exploring your sexual desires can enrich your romantic connections, as well as deepen your relationship with yourself. Learning all your hearts deep dark yearnings can be a beautiful way to develop a nonjudgemental connection with your erotic self.
Part two of our Sexual Alphabet exploration is about just that!
D is for Dungeon
When many people start exploring the world of more alternative sex, they may feel ravenous for new information, new toys, and new experiences. A rumbling hunger may begin for a darkly erotic basement full of pleasure and torture devices, otherwise known as a ‘dungeon.’
Other people might feel quite the opposite. While they are curious to experiment and learn, they may feel daunted by the idea of a dungeon and all it’s erotic potential. Imagine going to a gym for the first time. While you’re keen to learn how to use all their new-fangled fitness gadgets, you’re not even sure where to begin! Never fear, there are many ways to explore this desire, and I’m here to help you.
A dungeon is a beautiful concept – an intentional space devoted to sexual exploration and expression. It can be as simple or as involved as you’d like it to be. If you’d like to start small, buy a lovely box or chest (or even collage an old cardboard moving box with some sensual erotica for a more cost effective alternative). Fill your box with a mix of household items and sex toys, such as: a wooden spoon and silicone spatula, a ruler, a clean feather duster, an out of commission suit tie, a body safe candle, a wooden hairbrush, a vibrating butt plug, collar, a silicone whip – whatever your heart desires really! It doesn’t have to be expensive, involved, or daunting. Having your own ‘mini-dungeon’ sex box is a great way to carve out intentional time and space for sensual exploration.
If you have the space in your house, why not go even bigger! Designate a room to be your dungeon, and set up a massage table in the middle. Bonus points if you attach cuffs to each corner. You can fill the room with sexy toys and tools lining the walls, and make sure to include some atmospheric touches like bluetooth speakers, aromatherapy diffuser, and a heater/ac for maximum comfort and sensuality.
E is for Electro Stimulation
Have you ever accidentally touched an electric fence as a kid? After the initial shock and pain wears off, you were left with a confusingly pleasurable tingling throughout your body. Electro stimulation exploration, or ‘electro-play,’ can come in a few different forms. It explores the effects of enigmatic electricity – something we were taught to fear, but we barely understand.
By stimulating the nerve endings with electrical pulses, electro sex toys can provide a deeper and more satisfying range of sensations as your muscles involuntarily clench. When used inside a vagina, it can target your g-spot with knee shaking precision. There are toys that can be used outside the body, like cock rings or pinwheels, or inside the body like butt plugs or the Intensity (which also does your Kegels for you!). Trust me – you name it, it can get electric.
You can also get stimulation pads that stick to your body. You put one pad on yourself and the other on your lover. Then, when you touch their skin, it completes the electric circuit! Placing a flat hand onto a butt cheek would give a light tingle, as spreading the surface connection area diffuses the current. But, tracing a fingertip over an inner thigh will concentrate the connection and should provide stronger, little zaps.
The intensity of electro stimulation varies greatly, and for many devices it can be controlled by the user. You can decide to go from ticklish to torturous in moments (for all you Sadists and masochists out there).
Electrostimulation comes with an assortment of risks, and should only be practiced with education and care. You can get some electro-play education via online workshops, or even better, at a local class with a sex educator. If you don’t have the patience for all that, at least read up on some of the techniques. Please follow rule 101: no electricity above the belt! You run the risk of respiratory crisis and cardiac infarction, just to name a few potential concerns.
It is best to buy a toy specifically suited to electro-sex, such as the Flick Electrosex Stimulator Multi Pack, as this is the safest (and most fun) way to begin. This is not – REPEAT – is not something you should try to build at home.
F is for Fantasies
Fantasies – we all have them. Some more wild than others – but how do we discover them, let alone express them to our partners? Never fear, that’s why I’m here.
Before we can articulate our desires to our lovers, we must first be in touch with our own wants and needs. A wonderful place to start is in the world of literary erotica! Prioritize an hour or so a week to read and explore your wildest fantasies. This is time just for you. So, release any internal judgements and shame, and let the words take you on an erotic journey.
Once you’ve read a few stories and have a good idea of some of your fantasies, write them all down on a piece of paper. This is also just for you, so don’t feel the need to censor or downplay your list. Write down as many things as you’d like to try, in as much or as little detail as you’d want.
Here’s an example of how varied these might be:
- I’d like to explore double penetration – with my partner and a toy.
- I want to experiment with my wife Dominating me.
- I really would love to come home to rose petals leading me into the bathroom, where I discover the bath is drawn and lined with candles, and the air is thick with scented oils. There’s a note on the edge in my lover’s handwriting that says, “Hop in and relax darling, join me in the bathroom when you’re ready.” I would languish in the tub, letting my stress of the day melt away, and gently start stroking my body, relishing in my beautiful physical form. Once I am truly relaxed, I get out of the tub and dry myself gently with a fluffy white towel, shivering in anticipation for the night ahead of me.
The next step is to choose the three you are most excited about and explore them with yourself, and/or with your lover. Wait for a relaxing moment between you (always talk about sex outside of the bedroom), and say, “there is something I’ve been really wanting to try, it would make me so wet/hard/aroused to explore this with you, if you’re curious.” This phrasing is very open and playful, and does not place pressure or expectation on your partner.
We hope you enjoyed this installment of our Sexual Alphabet Exploration, stay tuned for next week’s addition!
Read Part 1 here!