DON’T GIVE UP ON YOUR BUTT: 6 TIPS FOR BACKDOOR BEGINNERS
So you tried anal sex and it didn’t go quite to plan. Maybe it hurt a little more than you were expecting. Maybe the position was hard to get into. Perhaps your partner dove in faster than you were ready for – there’s a lot that could have happened. And believe us, we totally get it. Butt stuff can be tough.
But the good news is that even if your first time didn’t go off without hitch, there’s no reason to give up just yet! With the help of a few key first (or second)-timer tips, you’ll see there’s tons of hope for getting your head in the game of backdoor bliss!
Even though anal sex has been a hot practice throughout the ages, it’s taken a while to shatter the stigma and make its own splash into the mainstream. You may have thought it’d be fun to jump into the deep end and just see how it goes…But the truth about anal is it requires a hefty dose of research and prep work in order to make it as enjoyable as possible.
1. GO SLOW
One of Emily’s golden rules for all things sex is go five times slower than you think you should. So when it comes to the tricky area of the ass, that tidbit is extra true! When diving into new territory (especially one as sensitive as this) it’s important to ease your way into things. It’s a marathon, not a sprint; and besides, you want to make it enjoyable, right?
To start things right, anal foreplay is definitely your friend. Whether you mean to do it or not, it’s common for muscles around the butt to tense up due to nervousness or being on edge. And when those muscles are tight, it makes for a painful and uncomfortable scenario when you try to introduce anything to the area. So simply taking time to wind down and set the mood (even before foreplay) is a great way to kick things off.
The steadiness, however, doesn’t stop there! Once you’re ready to dial up the heat, you still want to gradually warm up the area. In other words, when it’s time for penetration, enter little by little. After a sufficient dose of sexy foreplay (see more on that below), start with just the tip. Slowly move it inside, then pause to let the partner’s body relax and adjust to the feeling. Bit by bit, continue the process until it’s fully in and the bottom is comfortable all around.
Then, remember: this isn’t porn. So please, whatever you do, don’t start jackhammering!
2. JUST PLAY AROUND
In addition to going slow, there’s also no reason to think that all or nothing is the only way to do it. When the name of the game is anal, there’s tons of room to explore the new and uncharted territory. With that, it’s totally okay to spend time familiarizing your body with the sensations and work your way up to the whole gamut over time.
After all, many of the thousands of nerve endings in the butt are located right around the opening. So don’t think that not going fully in means missing out on any primo sensations.
Try starting off the foreplay with a nice sensual butt massage. Then flirt with all the anal feels by rubbing a lubed-up finger, tongue or small anal toy around before moving onto a real deal penis. That way, the receiver can get used to the sensation of having something up there as well relaxing enough to enjoy it.
Although if you’re the type of person who prefers study sessions of one, bottoms can also play around on their own with the help of handy, dandy anal training kits, like this one from b-vibe.
3. USE LOTS OF LUBE
Unlike the vagina, the anus isn’t self-lubricating—therefore, lube is REQUIRED. End of story.
Not only does it make for easier insertion and help prevent tiny internal tears, but it brings an infinitely more comfortable experience to the receiver, too. You can use whichever type works best for you (so long as it isn’t an oil-based that damages the condom), and most of all, don’t be afraid to slather it up! Plus reapply as needed.
Ultimately, keep in mind that “proper” anal sex shouldn’t hurt, rather it should just feel like you’re…full. And lube is our best friend to help make that happen.
4. EXPERIMENT WITH POSITIONS
Now, when you initially tested the anal waters, you probably did so in doggy style. That’s the quintessential form that typically comes to mind, so of course you’d think it’s that popular for a reason.
Just like any other sex act, the position can make a huge difference in how pleasurable it feels. So instead, try one of the many other alternatives that help split the control more evenly. Two of the best for butt beginners are include spooning (so that you both have pretty equal control of the motions), along with bottom on top (where the receiver has total control of the depth, speed and intensity).
5. COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE
As always, it’s paramount to be on the same page as your partner – whether it’s anal sex, regular sex or anything beyond. But especially if you had a less-than-stellar first go around with the backdoor, you want to be sure you talk about the experience in deep detail before diving back into the butt stuff.
What was good about it as well as bad? How do we both feel about trying it again? What expectations do each of us have? What do we each want in terms of intensity, speed, etc.?
It’s key to have a game plan when dipping your toes into an act like this. Keep those lines of communication open when the heat turns up again. When you do decide to give it another go, remember that if something isn’t feeling so good, speak up! And if it does feel good, speak up even louder.
Seriously, how else is your partner supposed to know what’s on your mind if you don’t tell them?
6. ULTIMATELY, BE REAL WITH YOURSELF
It can take a few times to get comfortable with a new sexual experience. If anal consistently doesn’t do it for you – it’s possible you aren’t about it. Which is totally okay!
Either way, your partner should be invested in your feelings just as much as their own. Just because a lot of people like it, doesn’t mean you have to like it, too. At the end of the day, everyone’s bodies are different; so finding what super-hot skills do (and don’t) belong in your own sexual repertoire is all that really matters.
In the world of backdoor pleasure, remember that slow and sensual always wins the race. So when exploring it for yourself, just breathe, relax, play around and see whether or not it does the sexy trick for you.
Alex Anderson is an LA-based lifestyle designer proactively raging against the cultural grain. By day she works in television production, and by night enjoys writing, sewing and seeking guidance from the stars. She also finally has an all black kitty named “Cher.” You can follow her alt-lifestyle blog MSFT Living and on Instagram!