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Relationship Advice

Woman and man holding vibrator on a bed
Dear Dr. Emily,
I’m wondering if it’s okay to always bring in a clitoral vibrator into the bedroom? It’s the only way I can orgasm, but I don’t want to hurt my partner’s feelings or have them think I’m weird. Thank you! 
Feeling the Vibes

Hi Feeling the Vibes, 

I love that you’re using toys and know what your body needs to feel pleasure. It can be difficult for women to orgasm in the first place, so you’re already on the right track.

There is nothing shameful about using a clitoral vibrator! I mean, you’re experiencing pleasure, right? Many vulva and vibrator owners keep their toys to themselves out of fear of rejection or offending their partner. But I say, why NOT give your partner a chance to see what the magic is all about?

Like anything, start by being mindful of how to start the conversation. Best not to overwhelm them or pull it out without much warning. Remember the three T’s of communication: timing, tone, and turf. Bring it up outside of the bedroom and start by having a casual and playful conversation. Maybe start with a specific thing you love or memory you have about your sex life with them. Be honest and open about your experience with toys. Explain that you think toys might be a fun way to increase the pleasure even more for both of you.

Once you’ve had an open conversation now you can start playing.  I always find it helps to show my partner how it works, even demonstrating on their body so they get a sense of how amazing vibrations can feel, no matter what parts you have! 

Get creative, and even let them take control—the We-Vibe Chorus is a great clitoral vibrator for couples and can be totally hands-free. Maybe bring out some massage oil, like Exsens. You can massage their body and start to tease them with the vibe. Once they know how good it feels, they’ll better understand why you love it so much.

There’s no shame in always needing a vibrator, but I would also encourage you to keep experimenting. Our brain memorizes masturbation patterns, so it may take time and effort to discover new methods.

And of course, have lots of fun. Many couples find that bringing a toy into their relationship not only enhances pleasure but also strengthens their intimacy. Happy vibing!

xx,

Dr. Emily

jealousy blog sex with emilyHave you ever been jealous of your partner? Has your partner ever wanted to see your phone or been suspicious of you when you go to hang out with friends? Do you hate when your significant other has a connection with someone else that you don’t have?

Jealousy is real, and it can affect all types of relationships. Let’s talk about how to handle jealousy in your relationship whether you’re monogamous, monogamish, or totally open, and how those differ!

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disagree partner pandemic blog sex with emilyAs Coronavirus cases continue to soar, so have our stress levels while living in a pandemic. But as the world continues to slowly open back up, everyone has an opinion of what precautions should be taken. So what happens if you and your partner don’t see eye to eye?

Perhaps one of you is taking social distancing measures supremely seriously. Maybe the other believes it’s all a big crock. It doesn’t matter how much you did or didn’t fight before. This pandemic has ushered us into a whole new ballgame. One in which communication with each other has never been more critical.

If you and your partner disagree about the pandemic, here are a few tips for learning how and if you can get on the same page and cope with the COVID craziness.

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Did you grow up with a loud family? So did today’s guest. Adam Ferrara is a comedian, actor and recovering loudmouth. Adam and I talk about how important it was for his marriage to learn to listen. We get into control issues and the work required to undo the damage caused by childhood trauma. 
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unconventional couples blog sex with emilyLove comes in many ways, shapes, and forms. In traditional terms, a “couple” usually means a relationship between two people of the opposite sex. But we have a come a long way from that limitation. Gender norms have changed, and new and different lifestyles have become more popular and accepted in the mainstream.

To celebrate National Couples Day, and Alternative August, let’s break down the different types of alternative coupling/relationship styles. 

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Answering your questions about how to have more pleasure is my jam. In this episode, I cover sex without penetration, summer sex tips and mindfulness. I’m joined by my friend and sex educator, Elle Chase. Elle and I get right down to business taking a call from Mike in Arizona who wants to have a threesome (shock!) with his girlfriend, but wants to make sure he sets it up for success. Later, we answer your questions about sex positions for curvier people and what to expect after a hysterectomy. 
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Alternative relationships are more popular than ever so today I’m talking to Miley Manliguis from #OPEN, a new dating app that’s designed for modern relationships – essentially, anything other than monogamy. Maile shares the intimate details about opening up her relationship with her husband after they had a child. She talks about juggling parenting and dating, her boundaries with her husband and how giving birth empowered her to embrace her sexuality more than she ever had. Maile’s an amazing woman. You’re going to love her perspective. 
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sexual compatibility blog sex with emilySexual compatibility is that complex component that can elude even the strongest personal connections.

It has no official definition, and it’s about as easy to explain as quantum physics. It’s elusive! It’s ephemeral! And it’s….very very important for the longevity of your romantic relationship.

Sometimes there’s an immediate spark, and sometimes you have to work at it. And sometimes it’s hard to tell either way. So to help, here are 7 signs of sexual compatibility.

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