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sexual independence blog sex with emilySexual independence is all about taking control of your own pleasure. There may be other people involved in the process, but when it comes down to it, your pleasure is your prerogative. 

You may expect your partner to pick you up from the airport. You probably expect them to remember your birthday and to fix the shower curtain that they broke. Yet, I’m sorry to tell you, you can’t expect your partner to be responsible for your orgasms.

In movies and TV, sex usually looks like three or four thrusts followed by simultaneously orgasming. Of course, anyone that’s ever had sex knows that it usually takes a little bit more than that to really get sent over the edge. And while you may want your partner to whisk you away and do what they will with you, the truth is, when it comes to your orgasms, you’re the one in charge. Here’s how to take control of your own pleasure.

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single dad blog sex with emilyFather’s Day is here! From bio-dads and stepfathers, to sugar daddies and daddy doms alike, it’s time to celebrate all the fatherly figures we love – and how they can get the love they deserve as well. And in this blog, we’re focusing on all the single dads out there.

Being a dad on your own has a unique set of challenges. Between diaper changes, packing lunches and first dances, a single dad’s love life can fall by the wayside. 

But fear not, fathers, there is a way to do it right! With a grounded outlook, great communication and willingness to army crawl your way through any muddy obstacles that arise, single dads can show the dating world that they are some of the greatest fish in the sea. 

So whether you’re one yourself, or in the dating market for one, here are our hot tips on how to make it the most of dating as a single dad.  

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triggers blog sex with emilyTriggers. What are they and what do they mean?

Maybe your conservative dad writes them off as a snowflake defense mechanism. Or maybe your friends throw the term around when joking around. Either way, it can be hard to understand what a “trigger” really is. And being able to put a word to that moment when you get uncomfortable or overwhelmed can seem impossible. Especially as it’s happening. 

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humiliation blog sex with emilyWhen we think about great sex, a positive and pleasure-packed experience is what often comes to mind. However, for some out there, it’s something a little darker that does the trick! All thanks to two little words: humiliation and degradation.

You’ve probably heard it and seen it. Perhaps it was while watching porn. Perhaps it was while watching a blockbuster film of a certain shade of gray. But erotic humiliation is yet another powerful way to spice up your sex play.

From exploring power dynamics to testing emotional boundaries, it’s something that – albeit may sometimes feel extreme – can open up a whole new world of intimate possibilities with the right partner.

Interested? Thought so. Let’s do a deeper dive:

 

FIRST OFF, THE BASICS

In a nutshell, erotic humiliation/degradation refers to getting aroused from the cocktail of emotions that come with being teased, demeaned and degraded. Humiliation includes belittlement, commands, sexual stimulation, etc. Degradation includes insults, name calling,  – the works.

On the mild side of the spectrum, it looks like someone calling you a “stupid little baby”. On the extreme side it looks like getting hogtied and orgasm-tortured while everyone at the sex party points and laughs. These acts under normal circumstances are the sorts of things that usually make people feel uncomfortable or shamed, but erotic humiliation completely flips the switch on those core emotions, plus so much more. 

 

Although erotic humiliation is popular within the BDSM scene, it’s also worth clarifying the two have a few stark differences. Unlike some kinky interests, erotic humiliation is not about the humiliation-causing acts themselves, rather the emotions they elicit. Humiliation is a form of submission, but not all submission has to entail humiliation/degradation tactics.

 

WHERE’S THE PLEASURE?

One person’s pain can be another person’s pleasure. Sexiness is subjective. It’s hard to pinpoint from where the appeal 100% stems. Sure, it’s easy to associate humiliation with that one embarrassing day in sixth grade gym class. But for many it can be a supremely, surprisingly freeing and healing experience. 

A huge element of sexual exploration is getting to dip your toes into things that are sometimes considered taboo. In the world of kink and fetish, there are endless types of power dynamic. Whether it’s a Dom/sub, DDlg, or furry play, carrying out something that safely and consensually pushes the boundaries of human experience can feel liberating without a doubt. This is especially true when doing it with a trusted partner that’s on the same page as you. 

 

MAKE IT YOUR OWN

What sets this one apart from some other fetishes is the fact that it’s subjective AND doesn’t even have to be inherently sexual. Since the name of the sensuous game is feeling humiliation, everything from the dialogue and physicality, to level of overt sexuality depends on those involved.

Some people find receiving it hot, others enjoy dishing it out, and sometimes it’s a mix of both. The humiliation can happen in public at a sex party, or in the privacy of your own sex dungeon. Despite the fetish looking different from situation to situation, the one non-negotiable is both partners truly knowing each other – and what words, tones and actions will actually drive it all home. 

 

SAFETY FIRST! (& HOW TO DO IT)

In addition to being on the same page with your partner, the other golden rule of erotic humiliation is that consent, as always, is absolutely everything.

Ahead of jumping into the hot and heavy action, having a candid conversation about what you how you want to engage in humiliation and degradation is the hands-down best way to kick things off. When playing with your emotions erotically, the experience can go in many different directions. It’s good to discuss and establish mutually agreed-upon boundaries, as well as have a safe word in your back pocket just in case. 

After it all goes down, you additionally want to allow some time for aftercare and not be afraid to talk about the experience in general. Not only will reflecting upon the experience help you figure out how you felt about it, but a joint debrief can definitely reveal what worked as well as what didn’t for improving upon moving forward. 

 

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When it comes to any fetish, you ultimately just have to do you. But knowing they are an insanely interesting way to explore some of the most basic building blocks to any healthy relationship…well, it just keeps things all the more interesting, right?

 

 


Alex Anderson is an LA-based lifestyle designer proactively raging against the cultural grain. By day she works in television production, and by night enjoys writing, sewing and seeking guidance from the stars. She also finally has an all black kitty named “Cher.” You can follow her alt-lifestyle blog MSFT Living and on Instagram!

tickle blog sex with emilyRemember those wholesome tickle fights you had at sleepovers? It all might sound like wholesome fun to some of us, but to others…it’s sexy as hell.

It’s well known that us horndogs can make ANYTHING into a fetish: feet, bees, falling down the stairs. You name it, and someone finds it sexy. Which leads me to our latest fetish spotlight: tickling.

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STI medley blog sex with emilyAlthough many of us are still on the rollercoaster of quarantine, it doesn’t change the fact that April is STD Awareness Month!

With plenty of other things to worry about right now, STDs are the last thing we want in the mix. But staying in the know, and on top of your own testing can makes a world of difference to your sexual health. 

So to kickstart the not-so-glam, yet ever-important conversation! Here’s a mix of our top STD/STI blogs and podcasts.

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trust blog sex with emilyThere’s a lot that goes into forming a healthy relationship. There’s compromise, establishing boundaries, and of course choosing a Thai take out place you both like. Underneath it all, however, is a foundation of trust.

Trust and honesty ensure that you and your partner can be on the same page through the good times, and the not so good ones. (Like when you’re fighting about Thai takeout places.) 

People talk about trust all the time. But what does it really mean? Let’s break down the building blocks of trust in a healthy relationship. 

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listening blog sex with emilyListening. Seems simple, right? Well, if you’ve ever had a single conversation, you know that it’s not that easy. Anyone can stop talking long enough to give someone else the mic, but really listening is a totally different story.

It’s safe to say that most people don’t really know how to effectively listen. It’s more involved than you think! Now that we’re in close quarters with our loved ones, knowing how to lend an ear is more important than ever.

So we at Sex With Emily decided that we’d give you some tips on how to tune in, when tuning out is ever so simple. So, listen up, because it’s time to level up your listening game!

 

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