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first sex toy

If you’re reading this article, then you’re probably looking into buying your first-ever sex toy. Congratulations! Buying your first toy can be an exciting experience; however, it can be equally parts frustrating. 

In today’s world, there are multiple different avenues for buying sex toys. If going into a physical storefront isn’t really your style, plenty of online marketplaces sell an array of sex toys to fit your needs and lifestyle. Whether you are shopping for a toy to use for yourself, one to use with a partner, a vibrator, a dildo, or anything in between, here is a guide to choose the best sex toy for you.

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Have Good Sex

Let’s talk about vanilla sex. “Vanilla sex” or “vanilla” is often used to describe people whose sex lives are mainstream, plain, or boring. While kink and BDSM have been becoming more and more popular and hogging the sexual spotlight, vanilla sex is often left behind. Some people even use the term in a derogatory sense. But let me clue you in on a little secret: you don’t need to be kinky in order to have good sex. In fact, a pure vanilla experience can be one of the best flavors out there. 

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Tantric Sex

You’ve likely heard the phrase “tantric sex,” but do you actually know what it means? Derived from the Sanskrit word for “woven together,” tantric sex is a practice with roots dating back over 5,000 years. It’s a practice that has been in existence since literally the beginning of time—the concepts of tantra were created by Hindu people and Buddhists as early as the beginning of the first millennium A.D. 

Tantra sexology is used as a metaphor for weaving together humanity and the divine in order to create a sacred sexual practice that teaches slow, non-orgasmic sexual intercourse. Sexual partners who try tantric sex often end up cultivating a greater sense of pleasure and a way of “dissolving into each other” at the end of their practice—making it a great way to bring couples together. 

Why Should I Give Tantric Sex A Try? 

The work of tantra pays off. Tantric sex experts believe that being intentional with the time you put into your sexual practice will result in a feeling of extreme bliss and enlightenment. The tantric practice promotes self-awareness and intentional action that can enhance your sexual experiences. It can also teach you balance and connection that will help you to build greater intimacy with your partner while cultivating a deeper awareness of your own body.

During sex, we too often lose sight of what we want out of the experience and do not question if we’re really enjoying ourselves or not. But tantra allows us to become fully present in the sexual moment, which can help us to feel new sensations in their entirety. If you struggle to let go of stress from the outside world during sex and concentrate on what is happening at the moment, it may be beneficial to give tantra a try.

How To Perform Tantric Sex

Since tantric sex is not goal-oriented, the trick to having an incredible and authentic tantric experience is to focus on making foreplay enjoyable until the experience ends naturally. The experience usually starts with eye contact and matching each other’s breathing. 

Tantra is all about keeping the energy flowing continuously through your body, so try to release any tension you feel that you may be holding before you begin your practice. Most tantra experts also recommend changing up your environment during your practice and not staying on a bed while performing tantric sex, as this may trigger the sleep button in your brain. 

Try lying down on the floor with your partner instead. Take your time leisurely exploring their body and touching each other. Experiment with a variety of touches—from firm massage to gentle strokes. Most importantly, take time to focus on your breathing. If your mind begins to wander during this practice, simply focus on inhaling and exhaling in time with your partner in order to recenter your mind and body. 

If you still find you can’t last beyond ten minutes, don’t give up, and don’t be too hard on yourself! Tantric sex takes time to master because of our deeply ingrained, Western views of how sex should be. 

The key here is to let go of expectation and focus on the journey rather than an end goal. We have been trained to expect sex to have a beginning, middle, and end. With practice, you can begin to let go of this mindset and stop focusing your energy on an obvious conclusion. This will also allow for you to be able to control your body so that you can further delay climax and experience more intense orgasms—talk about a win-win situation. 

If you’re interested in trying out tantric sex practices with your partner, start an open dialogue and share why you find it interesting. The act of tantric sex is extremely rewarding and a beautiful opportunity to get further in touch with your own sexual nature, bringing you closer to both your partner and yourself. 

Sami Harris is a freelance writer and social media consultant born and raised in Orange County, California. She is currently the written editor for Jawbreaker Zine, has bylines in Pure Nowhere, Clover Letter, Adolescent Content, Uniquely Aligned, Also Cool Mag, Lithium Magazine, Always In A Funk, and Odyssey Online, and work forthcoming in Sumou Mag and Polemical Zine.

Kitchen sex

Being trapped inside with your partner during a pandemic will definitely take a toll on your sex life… Especially if you’re having the same sort of sex day in and day out or seeing the same sex tips over and over. Alternatively, maybe you’re living alone, bored with your vibrator, and looking for new ways to masturbate. (FYI, you’re not the only one.) 

Luckily, there are many creative ways to “get down” in every room of your house, regardless of whether you’re having sex solo or with a partner. See below for our top sex tips to exercise your creativity in and around the house. 

The Garage 

Are you feening to get out of the house? Don’t wanna use up your gas in the car? Well, you can still go for a ride, whether that be with a partner or by yourself. (Think of seatbelts as a new type of harness or sex swing… )

One of our favorite car positions is wrapping one’s ankles with the seatbelt to keep it in a desired, comfortable position during playtime. Something along the lines of the One Up is great for oral stimulation. You can use the seatbelt to keep the leg up, and you can put some pillows on the garage floor to maximize your partner’s comfort. 

The Kitchen

Getting x-rated in the kitchen can be as delicious as it is sexy. Ever use chocolate syrup? Or whipped cream? If you’re not a sweets person, what about sushi? (Very Samantha from Sex in the City of you.) 

The kitchen is also filled with opportunity for levels—whether that’s the kitchen counter, table, or chairs. Maybe one person is laying on the counter and the other is standing, or you get intimate with some fun on the chair. (Can be done with the partner or solo!) Either way, doing anything sexual in the kitchen can feel very erotic, as it’s typically an unconventional place for anything sexy. Just be sure to wipe down the countertops afterward…  

Living Room

Get out of your house (and rekindle your childhood) by building a fort in your living room. In fact, you can create a whole new world and explore a wide variety of new positions in your fort. (If you need some guidance on how to build a fort in your living room, here’s a handy step-by-step.) 

With a plethora of comfy pillows beneath you, you and your partner will both feel like you’re surrounded by softness, and you can use the extra fluff to access new positions. Enjoy the intimacy of the small enclosed space for mutual or solo masturbation—the close quarters should make it feel all the more erotic. Talk about orgasmic!

The Office

You may not be going into work, but that doesn’t mean you can’t apply these sex tips to the office and get bent over your desk. Getting it on in your home office allows you to utilize furniture pieces that typically don’t see too much action. 

Start out with a work themed lap dance. Have your partner sit in the office chair while you slowly undress to whatever makes you feel sexiest. When your partner is all hot and bothered, don’t call HR, just rock their world in the office chair.

Bathroom

Shower sex may get a bit tricky, but it’s a great location for foreplay. Draw a luxurious bath for you and your partner or prep a nice steamy shower. Have them join you and then slowly lather them up in suds, taking extra time to feel one another’s bodies.

Bathing with a partner can be highly intimate and even more erotic. Set the mood with some nice lighting and candles. When you both are lathered, rinsed, repeated, and ready hop out of the shower or bath and lotion/oil each other up. A sensual massage is a great segway to some highly arousing sex.

Regardless of how long we are staying inside, a little bit of imagination, some creativity, and communication can transform your sex life can still be something new.

— 

Javay da BAE is a sex educator, content creator, writer, and comedian. She is also known as the Millennial Sexpert. Her sex education work focuses on comprehension and inclusion while being accessible. She specializes in LGBTQIA+ identities, STIs, pleasure, and kink/BDSM. Visit JavaydaBAE.com to see her work.

Woman and man holding vibrator on a bed
Dear Dr. Emily,
I’m wondering if it’s okay to always bring in a clitoral vibrator into the bedroom? It’s the only way I can orgasm, but I don’t want to hurt my partner’s feelings or have them think I’m weird. Thank you! 
Feeling the Vibes

Hi Feeling the Vibes, 

I love that you’re using toys and know what your body needs to feel pleasure. It can be difficult for women to orgasm in the first place, so you’re already on the right track.

There is nothing shameful about using a clitoral vibrator! I mean, you’re experiencing pleasure, right? Many vulva and vibrator owners keep their toys to themselves out of fear of rejection or offending their partner. But I say, why NOT give your partner a chance to see what the magic is all about?

Like anything, start by being mindful of how to start the conversation. Best not to overwhelm them or pull it out without much warning. Remember the three T’s of communication: timing, tone, and turf. Bring it up outside of the bedroom and start by having a casual and playful conversation. Maybe start with a specific thing you love or memory you have about your sex life with them. Be honest and open about your experience with toys. Explain that you think toys might be a fun way to increase the pleasure even more for both of you.

Once you’ve had an open conversation now you can start playing.  I always find it helps to show my partner how it works, even demonstrating on their body so they get a sense of how amazing vibrations can feel, no matter what parts you have! 

Get creative, and even let them take control—the We-Vibe Chorus is a great clitoral vibrator for couples and can be totally hands-free. Maybe bring out some massage oil, like Exsens. You can massage their body and start to tease them with the vibe. Once they know how good it feels, they’ll better understand why you love it so much.

There’s no shame in always needing a vibrator, but I would also encourage you to keep experimenting. Our brain memorizes masturbation patterns, so it may take time and effort to discover new methods.

And of course, have lots of fun. Many couples find that bringing a toy into their relationship not only enhances pleasure but also strengthens their intimacy. Happy vibing!

xx,

Dr. Emily

pelvic floor blog sex with emilyRecently, I was on a Zoom call for a class on vulnerability.  The facilitator asked us what we are doing during this pandemic to improve an area of our lives. I realized that my answer was unique: I have been working on strengthening my pelvic floor. 

You may not realize, but exercising your pelvic floor is something you can do for yourself during this stressful time. All genders benefit from strengthening this area, as it affects your health in a variety of ways.

A strong pelvic floor can help support female organs, as well as the bladder. It may help prevent UTIs – which can get in the way of pain-free sex. Even better, a strong pelvic floor may help support a better sex life, affording better orgasms and increased genital sensitivity.

If you have a penis, a stronger pelvic floor can help with better range of motion for thrusting, and allow you to ejaculate further and with more control! Woohoo!

Let’s get into two ways you can strengthen your pelvic floor.

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Dear Emily,painful sex blog sex with emily

I’m a late bloomer when it comes to masturbation and having orgasms. (I didn’t even know that women could masturbate until I was in my twenties!)

Now I’m figuring out what turns me on, what movements I like, and what doesn’t work. I even have a wonderful partner who is totally on board to help me figure it out.

Sometimes when I masturbate, or when my partner fingers me to climax, this weird thing happens: My body spasms, and it’s kind of painful (usually in just the pelvic area).

I can’t hold my vibrator to my clit any longer or I push my partner’s hand away, even though I feel that I could have gone deeper into the orgasm. It totally keeps me from just melting into the experience.

I’m wondering if I’m pushing myself to climax before I’m fully warmed up? Is that a thing? Or is this a serious issue that I might have to get looked at?

Sincerely,

Leslie, 27

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Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 3.47.48 PMLike a lot of women, I didn’t have the most pleasurable introduction to anal play. I was pressured, unprepared, and as a result, found myself in a fair amount of pain. My experience left me figuratively scarred and utterly apprehensive to re-approach any sexual rear-entry.

But as I’ve grown sexually and personally, one of my ongoing goals has been opening doors that I had hastily deemed permanently closed. For me, an upstanding symbol of this sexual renaissance is the glorious butt plug. Continue Reading

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