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On this Mashup podcast, guest John Hill, host of The Feels on Radio Andy on SiriusXM, comes back to catch up with Emily about moving in with his boyfriend during COVID. They get into how John came out to his religious parents when he was younger. And of course, a convo with Emily wouldn’t be complete without mentioning taint stimulation at least once, right?
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two vaginas blog sex with emilyIt’s the last day of Pride month, and you know what that means: glitter, rainbows, and (if you’re lucky) some queer sex. But, just because we’re all feeling proud doesn’t mean that we’re all…experienced.

Starting out in the world of queer sex can at best feel intimidating and at worst feel like a big gay mountain we’d rather not start climbing. We learn a lot about heterosexual sex, through…pretty much everything, sex between two people with vaginas can often feel like a huge question mark.

There’s a lot of misinformation floating around, so today I want to set the record straight and give you some pointers for non-straight sex with two vaginas. 

 

Check In With Your Partner

Ah yes, the good ol’ gay check in. What could be more queer than processing your feelings around sex before you even have it? Being able to talk openly with the person you’re having sex with isn’t just important for your emotional health, it’s important for your physical health and downright necessary for good sex!

Because it’s not immediately apparent as to how two “innies” fit together, being able to talk about what you like and don’t like is even more important in this situation. Maybe you like vibrators, maybe you can’t come unless you have clitoral and vaginal stimulation, or maybe you would rather be a giver than a receiver.

Either way, checking in and talking about sex before you have it is super important for queer sex. Not to mention that it’s extra important to talk about your STD status when two vaginas are in the mix. Vaginal condoms can be awkward, but there are other ways to stay safe including dental dams, using condoms on sex toys, changing condoms to avoid mixing vaginal fluids and using latex gloves. It might be awkward, it might be uncomfortable, but you have to make sure you’re safe along the way.

Also: you’ll notice that I keep saying “two vaginas” instead of two women. This is because your partner might not identify as a woman, or even like to call their genitals a vagina! And that’s okay! Check in to see what their preferred pronouns are and what words they like to use during sex to describe their genitals. Communication is always the best way to ensure comfort in your new expedition and will make your dirty talk even better.

 

Figure out what you like!

You’ve got the same hardware, so why not practice on yourself first? Before you start in on your partner’s vagina, focus on your own first. Figuring out what you like and how you like to pleasure yourself will teach you a lot about pleasing another vagina. So take some time alone and have a solo masturbation session or two to figure out what you like before you start having queer sex. Being able to describe what you like will help your partner pleasure you, and give you a lot of information as to how to operate the machinery, keeping in mind that we all like different things. Also: it’s fun!

 

Start Slow, With Your Hands

Okay, now that you’ve figured out what you like and how to talk about it, let me take a second to focus your attention on your hands. These are now some of your main tools for sex!

Make sure your hands are clean, nails trimmed and latex gloves ready to go because these bad boys are going to be your first line of action. When you and your partner are ready to touch one another, make sure you start gently, and use lots of lube. Everyone has a different sensitivity level, so no matter how confident you are with a vibrator or dildo, unless you’ve discussed something differently, I suggest you start with your hands.

Take some time to explore their whole vaginal area with your hands, and communicate a lot. Do they like it when you stroke them here? Or there? Do they like fast? Or slow? More lube? Or Less? Do they only want you to touch their clit? Or do they want a finger in their vagina? If so, how many? Start slow, work your way up, and stay in communication the whole time.

Also pro tip: if you do insert your fingers into their vagina, try to find angles where you can keep your wrist straight and instead thrust with your whole arm. You can even hold your wrist with your other hand if that helps. Believe me, it will make your new sex toy last A LOT longer and your wrist will thank you later.

 

Don’t focus on the big O

No one started playing basketball and immediately was amazing at throwing three point shots. When you first start having queer sex, it can be messy, take a long time, and be downright awkward.

But this my friends is about the journey, not the destination. Just because you didn’t give your partner an orgasm in the first 20 minutes, doesn’t make you a failure. In fact, the less you focus on orgasms, and instead put your attention on pleasure, the more likely you are to get good at queer sex. And because vaginas can experience multiple orgasms, when you do get there, it’ll be worth the wait. We’re in this for the long haul, for the experience, not for that cumulative cum shot. So stop worrying about their orgasm and start worrying about whether or not they enjoy it. You and your partner will have a lot more fun that way. I promise.

 

Explore from there!

If you want to employ a toy to help you explore the pleasure your vulva has to offer, try the Zumio! It’s a totally unique toy that uses rotation and movement to pinpoint the pleasure on your clit and surrounding areas. It’s like using a compass to find your orgasmic north star!

All these same tips apply to new introduction into your sex-repertoire: oral, vibrators, sex toys, strap ons, etc. Start slow. Communicate a lot. Check in constantly. Work your way up over time. You don’t want anyone to get hurt and ruin the whole experience. I promise you, you’ll work your way up to that crazy sex scene you’ve got in your head eventually. 

 

 


Tessa Skara is a writer and comedian. She is bravely bicoastal. She loves all things queer, including, but not limited to sex. Follow her on Instagram @tessafuckinskara.

 

queer icons blog sex with emilyQueer culture has shaped the course of humanity itself. Furthermore, it has shaped how we dress, speak, celebrate, and eat. Fashion, dance, literature, and science are all influenced by brilliant queer minds that have changed the form time and time again. There have been countless queer pioneers that have paved the way for us to celebrate our identities freely.  As a celebration of Pride Month, here is a short, non-comprehensive  list of some queer icons, both sung and unsung, throughout history, and today.

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asexuality blog sex with emilyIt is clear that our society’s view of sex has evolved over the years. One aspect of sexuality is something you might not think about is Asexuality.

The definition of asexuality is “the quality or characteristic of having no sexual feelings or desires.” While this is just one dictionary definition, there are many nuances to the term that should be explored. As we celebrate Pride month, our focus is on the LGBTQ+ community. All parts of the spectrum of sexuality should be honored and respected.  That includes Asexuality.

In this blog, we’ll at demystify the idea of asexuality, and find out why it’s important to celebrate aces during pride.

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pride month medley blog sex with emilyWith another June upon us comes our annual celebration of the LGBTQIA+ community.

We may have lost track of what day it is, but Pride Month has officially landed! This year’s festivities won’t feature as many parades, parties and travel plans as usual. However, that doesn’t take anything away from the spirit of the queer community’s ongoing fight for equality.  

To help ring in the occasion right, here’s a mix of some great Pride-themed blogs and podcasts.

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play blog sex with emilyWith some states coming out of Covid-19 lockdown, many people are venturing out, having BBQs, trying to responsibly socialize and might feel like they have been let out of jail of social “confinement.” During the past few months of quarantine time (and especially since May was Masturbation Month), a lot of people have been focusing on masturbation as sexual release. Yay! But don’t let up on this focus just because you are potentially unleashed into the world and able to start to touch others.

This month is Pride month, and this year, our focus here at Sex With Emily during Pride is “playfulness.” In the theme of playfulness, finding new ways to play with your body is one of the best ways to spend Pride month!

Here are some ways you can “play” with your body.

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history of pride blog sex with emilyJune is the month of Pride, and this June, we are in the midst of an uprising. The Black Lives Matter movement is propelling the nation to look at police reform, police brutality, and defunding the institution as we remember the over 7,000 lives lost to police violence, including George Floyd and Breonna Taylor who would have just celebrated her 27th birthday.

You might be thinking, ‘I thought this was a History of Pride’ blog! And you are correct! But we cannot begin to discuss Pride without discussing its inextricable ties to the black queer community. As we remember the journey to Pride, we must never forget that it was black queer and trans people who led the charge during the Stonewall Riots, the first pride ever. 

Here’s a look into where Pride Month came from, where it is now, and where we want to see it in the future. 

 

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pan blog sex with emilyPansexuality has its own treasure trove of difficulties. People often (wrongly) view pansexuals as confused, greedy, or going through a phase. People think they will one day emerge identifying as gay or lesbian.

These rumors are untrue and harmful, but they persist nonetheless. I wrote a whole article about the intricacies of Pansexuality and Bisexuality here. But being pan and identifying as a man? Whoa, brother. That’s another set of difficulties. There’s a lot to unpack here, so let’s begin!

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