Everyone has a different definition when it comes to “great sex.” What constitutes it? What makes it kinky, or what keeps it vanilla? The variety of answers go on and on. On today’s show, Emily is helping listeners like you figure out what great sex means to them and how to talk to their partners about it!
Q: Dear Emily,
I have been having sex with my girlfriend for eight months now, and was a virgin before her. Although she’s a lot more experienced than me sexually, she has never been in a same-sex relationship before, and we are figuring everything out together. The sex that we have is amazing, but up until now we’ve gone solo equipment-wise. We’re now looking to bring some toys into the bedroom, and I’m looking for ideas.
You talk about different toys that you enjoy on your show, but it’s mostly in reference to masturbation. Do you have any recommendations for a lesbian couple? We both really enjoy external stimulation, but are open to anything! Love the show and thanks for the help!
The vows of marriage state, “until death do us part,” that you love and accept each other for who you are, and that you respect that. However, does that mean we have to accept the ways they love us? When maybe… we want something else?
It can be hard to talk to our partners about the ways in which we want to be treated, held, touched. It’s not that they’ve loved you inadequately up until now, but you want them to know exactly what you need, and the only way to do that is to tell them.
Unfortunately, your feedback may not always be perceived as eloquently as you intended. Sex Coach Pam Costa shares how you need to make your sex feedback sexy in her Down to There blog…
Q: Dear Emily,
After being with a few guys, I’ve noticed that it doesn’t matter the size of a guy’s penis or where we’re having sex—whether it be the couch, floor, or bed—but if I’m on top of him, his penis is always slipping out! It’s usually when it’s getting good, and I probably get carried away, but my question is: Am I doing something wrong? And how do I stop it from slipping out?
Every straight woman I know has faked an orgasm. Some still do!
I’ve never been the When-Harry-Met-Sally kind of faker, but I’ve definitely moaned here and there and lied right to a guy’s face as he pealed the condom off and asked me if I came. It’s no surprise women do it, though. We’re raised in a culture that teaches us to revolve our lives entirely around men and their comfort, and sex is no different. Faking it is our way of helping them feel good about themselves– a call of duty if you will. Or it’s a way to not hurt their feelings when we’re tired, over it, or rubbed raw and just want him to get the f*ck off of us. Continue Reading
First thing’s first, lesbian sex is sex, is sex, is sex— nuanced for each person, relationship, and occasion. Lesbian sex can entail mutual masturbation or oral sex. It can be a festive polyamorous party or an old married couple doing their best to keep the flames of desire aglow after the kids go off to college. Every woman and trans-woman, regardless if she identifies as boi, butch, alpha, bi, unicorn, diesel, lipstick, queer, or another “type,” carries with her the same complex sexuality and sensuality all females share. Since the dawn of human sexuality studies, one fact about a woman’s desire remains constant… it’s always changing.
Q: DEAR EMILY,
My husband (age 33) and I have been married for two years, together
for three and a half. In the beginning sex was fun, passionate and frequent. Now it seems like my libido is non existent, and I’m perfectly happy having sex once or twice a week (or less). His libido is as high as ever; he wants it once or twice per day, and doesn’t really like masturbating (though he will when he’s desperate).
When we don’t have sex as often as he wants, he gets frustrated and very cranky, so I feel obliged to participate as frequently as possible, but sometimes I’m just plain tired or feel lazy. Sometimes I’ll just have sex with him even if I don’t want to, hoping that I can get aroused once we get going. Half the time this works and I orgasm, and the rest of the time I go through the motions that usually work, and nothing happens. It’s like I can’t get my brain into it no matter what! We have toys, we try new things and we do some foreplay (though I’m sure could always use more). This is extremely frustrating for both of us.
I used to be super horny in my teens and 20s, and now I could hardly care less. How can I get my brain to want more sex?Am I just getting old? (Just FYI: I did go off the pill about a year and half ago, if you think that’s a factor.)
How many times have you received completely unsolicited advice on something? Or better yet, advice from someone who swears by their tips as if they are some sort of expert (even when they have no clout)?
Hey, maybe it wasn’t unsolicited; maybe you actually asked for it, or read it on the always accurate Internet. Either way, sometimes the information we receive is… questionable. Continue Reading