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Here at Sex With Emily, talking about sex is literally the job description. We’re constantly researching, writing, filming, and tweeting about everything under the sexual rainbow.
Not everyone is so lucky to be in such an open & nonjudgemental environment, or have friends that they can turn to. Once you find that group, though, it’s amazing how liberating and comfortable you can feel
Talking about sex is one of the best ways to have a better sex life, and the best ways to know that whatever your kinks are– you’re not a lone. Sex Coach Pam Costa shares how her sex sharing circles came to fruition in her Down to There blog…

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I’ve done it. After having the same sexual New Year’s resolution for two consecutive years, I have FINALLY popped my sex toy cherry… During sex that is. So, for all those hopeless souls out there who think they’ll never achieve the resolutions they’ve set out for (specifically the sexual ones), you WILL get there. It just takes time and the right person to come along.

What toy finally got its debut in my partnered sex life? The We-Vibe Pivot, a cock ring of orgasmic proportions. How was it, you ask? Well, let me tell you…

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I’ve been hearing about this Magic Wand for well over a decade now. Unfortunately, I was sexually stunted all through my 20’s, meaning I didn’t even buy my first vibrator until my mid 30’s. Mostly because the patriarchy still isn’t 100% on board with women’s pleasure. It doesn’t want sexually empowered lionesses who put our own needs, especially orgasms, first. No, women like us are a serious threat to the power structure and, therefore, have been slut-shamed into oblivion.

This kind of cultural brainwashing, plus my Southern upbringing, resulted in me being a sexual prude for a long ass time. A prude too ashamed to masturbate, even in college, despite the fact my friends were having threesomes by then. The fact I’d never been with a man who’d given me those fireworks-style orgasms probably had something to do with it, too. Either way, ignorance and shame turned me into a sexual Debbie Downer who just assumed orgasms weren’t in the cards for me.

Oh, how the tides have changed!  Continue Reading

Q: Dear Emily,

I have been having sex with my girlfriend for eight months now, and was a virgin before her. Although she’s a lot more experienced than me sexually, she has never been in a same-sex relationship before, and we are figuring everything out together. The sex that we have is amazing, but up until now we’ve gone solo equipment-wise. We’re now looking to bring some toys into the bedroom, and I’m looking for ideas.

You talk about different toys that you enjoy on your show, but it’s mostly in reference to masturbation. Do you have any recommendations for a lesbian couple? We both really enjoy external stimulation, but are open to anything! Love the show and thanks for the help!

Elizabeth, 23

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First thing’s first, lesbian sex is sex, is sex, is sex— nuanced for each person, relationship, and occasion. Lesbian sex can entail mutual masturbation or oral sex. It can be a festive polyamorous party or an old married couple doing their best to keep the flames of desire aglow after the kids go off to college.  Every woman and trans-woman, regardless if she identifies as boi, butch, alpha, bi, unicorn, diesel, lipstick, queer, or another “type,” carries with her the same complex sexuality and sensuality all females share. Since the dawn of human sexuality studies, one fact about a woman’s desire remains constant… it’s always changing.

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The hardest part about having issues in the bedroom is asking for help. Never fear, because Emily is here, and her favorite thing in the world is helping people improve their sex lives and relationships. On today’s show, she’s helping callers figure out the best way to get past their coital conundrums and dating dilemmas.

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Q: DEAR EMILY,

I have been with my husband now for nine years (married for nearly five). We have two children, ages six and four. We have always had really good sex, even from the first time. I always have multiple orgasms and always orgasm before him.

We are going away for a “dirty weekend” next month to celebrate our five-year wedding anniversary. I want to take advantage of this time and do something new with him. We have never felt the need for sex toys, but I think it could be fun to try some now. What toys would you recommend using that we can both enjoy and not feel too intimidated by?

Thanks so much,

Alex, 35

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