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Many women have trouble orgasming, whether they’re with a partner or by themselves. Some have so much trouble, they think that an orgasm just isn’t in the cards for them. Putting so much focus and attention on something can actually be what’s keeping you from attaining your goal.
These thoughts of “I have to orgasm; come on it’s going to happen; you’re so close, just get there” can overwhelm your brain, making you miss the mark every time (or result in a mediocre orgasm). The best way to start your journey towards the big O is actually take climaxing off the table. Don’t worry about getting to the end, just enjoy the ride. 
Being in the moment during sex instead of driving towards a goal will make greater strides in your quest to orgasm than you think. Sex Coach Pam Costa shares her first experience letting go of her quest and how mind-blowing it became in her Down to There blog…

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You’ve done it! After a few nights out with your new love interest, you’ve successful made it all the way to the bedroom. Things are getting hot and heavy as you continue to passionately make out with your partner. It’s completely dark. You dance your way onto the bed, getting a little lost in the moment. You’re right on the edge of the bed, so close to engaging in activities you’ve been dreaming up all evening. Here’s the challenge: getting your partner undressed. Why? You see by touching with your hands– you’re blind.

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Q: Dear Emily,

After being with a few guys, I’ve noticed that it doesn’t matter the size of a guy’s penis or where we’re having sex—whether it be the couch, floor, or bed—but if I’m on top of him, his penis is always slipping out! It’s usually when it’s getting good, and I probably get carried away, but my question is: Am I doing something wrong? And how do I stop it from slipping out?

Mandy, 27

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June, in addition to being a month where you suddenly discover that you actually have friends who wear jorts, is also Pride month. As a community, we’ve got a lot to be proud of­­– marriage equality, increased visibility, new protection laws. All of this is well and good and worth wearing rainbow booty shorts (or jorts as the case may be) for.

But as a gay man, the road to being proud of myself, accepting myself and loving myself, hasn’t been an easy one. Especially when it comes to sex.  Continue Reading

Q: DEAR EMILY,

I have been with my husband now for nine years (married for nearly five). We have two children, ages six and four. We have always had really good sex, even from the first time. I always have multiple orgasms and always orgasm before him.

We are going away for a “dirty weekend” next month to celebrate our five-year wedding anniversary. I want to take advantage of this time and do something new with him. We have never felt the need for sex toys, but I think it could be fun to try some now. What toys would you recommend using that we can both enjoy and not feel too intimidated by?

Thanks so much,

Alex, 35

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