Handjobs might be one of the most underrated sex moves out there. Perhaps that’s because a handjob is often associated with youth and immaturity. Maybe it’s something you did in your BF’s basement when you were in 10th grade. But despite its reputation, a good handjob can be a great way to change up your bedroom routine and variety and bring you closer to your partner.
Like many things, a solid handjob is all about delivery—no one wants a half-hearted handjob. There’s an art to it! To help you create a memorable and hands-on (sorry, couldn’t help it) sexual experience, we’ve assembled our top five tips for a great handjob. Let’s discuss:
1. Make it a full-body experience.
One of the best ways to dial up your handjob game is by gifting your partner a complete sensual experience. Light a few candles (we love massage candles), put on something sexy, and kick things off by giving your partner a full-body massage. Straddle them as they lie face down and rub their back, shoulders, and neck to create an aura of relaxation.
When you’re done rubbing their back, have them turn over for the rest of their massage. You might consider adding in some lube or oil to help make the experience slick n’ sexy.
2. Lube it up.
Speaking of lube, it’s a necessity in handjob land. Penises don’t self-lubricate, making it nearly impossible to give a good handjob without some form of lube. Add a few drops and feel free to generously reapply. Remember: friction is the enemy of the handjob and there’s no such thing as too much slip and slide.
There are so many different options you might consider; water-based or silicone is good if you plan on having penetrative sex right after the handjob, but oil might be fun if you’re having a hands-only experience.
3. Play with technique.
To help make the experience feel good for your partner, try playing with some new techniques and learn what they like best.
One recommendation is to use two hands. You don’t necessarily need to constantly use both of your hands at the same time, but double the handy-work is double the sensation. Wrap your hand(s) around the shaft and begin to gauge the pressure and rhythm that your partner likes the most. (You can typically tell by moans, the change in breathing patterns, etc.) Consider adding a few twisting motions, or a “milking” technique.
Another key element is the grip. Don’t clasp too hard; instead, keep a loose grip with your focus on movement. Occasionally graze your fingers over the head of the penis, frenulum, and scrotum. Some penis owners like it when you cup their balls, so see if they prefer a gentle versus firm hold. Switch between using your fingertips and your whole hand. You can also experiment with anal or nipple play simultaneously. Once you learn what your partner likes, you can repeat it over and over again.
4. Talk to it.
Handjobs don’t need to be a silent affair—you can use this as an opportunity to show off your dirty talk skills. We’re not saying you need to go into a full-fledged character (unless that’s what you want) but experiment with being more demure or dominating than normal. A little power play can really amplify the handjob experience as it incorporates the oh-so-fun element of control. If you want to hold extra power, try tying them up or incorporating some rules and punishments.
As for what to say, tell your partner you love how hard/big/hot they are or, if you have a vulva, how wet they’re making you. Make your partner feel relaxed and confident. Receiving any sort of pleasure makes you vulnerable and a little reassurance goes a long way.
5. Ask for a hand.
Remember, while a physiological response of arousal (like hardness or wetness) can be easy to see, the lack of hardness is not a direct reflection of how turned on your partner is—or how attractive they find you. If your partner is having trouble getting hard, don’t assume it’s you or that you’re doing something wrong. Instead, casually ask what they like, or even better, ask them to show you.
You might also consider implementing a vibrator—vibes feel good on penises too! With a low setting, run the vibe up and down your partner’s shaft. If they’re still feeling the pressure to get hard, use the toy on yourself and have them watch. Sometimes taking the pressure off really helps with arousal.
A handjob is what you make of it. So, if it’s been a while since you practiced your handjob skills, give it a try. It might even become your new go-to move with your partner.
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Amanda Kohr is the Content Manager at Sex With Emily. She also writes for VICE, Refinery29, Betches, and Hello Giggles. You can visit her via her website and Instagram.
