play blog sex with emilyWith some states coming out of Covid-19 lockdown, many people are venturing out, having BBQs, trying to responsibly socialize and might feel like they have been let out of jail of social “confinement.” During the past few months of quarantine time (and especially since May was Masturbation Month), a lot of people have been focusing on masturbation as sexual release. Yay! But don’t let up on this focus just because you are potentially unleashed into the world and able to start to touch others.

This month is Pride month, and this year, our focus here at Sex With Emily during Pride is “playfulness.” In the theme of playfulness, finding new ways to play with your body is one of the best ways to spend Pride month!

Here are some ways you can “play” with your body.

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celebrate pride blog sex with emilyJune has come and if you’re anywhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, you probably know what that means: Pride month! Normally that means parades, rainbow beads and corporate vodka sponsorships. But if 2020 has taught us one thing, it’s that nothing will ever be the same.

Not only are pride events globally going virtual, but we’re in the middle of a social uprising. After the murder of George Floyd on May 25th 2020, members of the LGBTQ+ community are being called to stand in solidarity of the protests and uprisings that have swept the US and people everywhere are declaring “no justice, no pride”.

Here are some of the ways that you can celebrate Pride 2020 in tandem with the BLM movement… And maybe even find time to attend a virtual party or two. 

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ally pride blog sex with emilyJune is the month of pride for LGBTQIA+ people all around the world. And though it’s a time for us to celebrate, you don’t have to be queer to join the party. Being a queer ally can feel like a complicated concept, but it just takes a little bit of work.

To be a queer ally, this year and every year, means coming in service to queer people, especially queer people of color. It’s listening and reflecting. It’s understanding how systems of oppression work and your role in dismantling those systems. It’s learning, but more importantly, it’s unlearning. 

Here are some first steps toward being a supportive ally.

 

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history of pride blog sex with emilyJune is the month of Pride, and this June, we are in the midst of an uprising. The Black Lives Matter movement is propelling the nation to look at police reform, police brutality, and defunding the institution as we remember the over 7,000 lives lost to police violence, including George Floyd and Breonna Taylor who would have just celebrated her 27th birthday.

You might be thinking, ‘I thought this was a History of Pride’ blog! And you are correct! But we cannot begin to discuss Pride without discussing its inextricable ties to the black queer community. As we remember the journey to Pride, we must never forget that it was black queer and trans people who led the charge during the Stonewall Riots, the first pride ever. 

Here’s a look into where Pride Month came from, where it is now, and where we want to see it in the future. 

 

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black sex educators blog sex with emilyWith the Black Lives Matter movement sweeping across the country and around the globe, there has been a lot of information floating around on how to get involved and make a difference. One way to get involved by advocating for and patronizing black-owned businesses.

We here at SWE want to lend our support to black sex educators and coaches, as well as black-owned sex and intimacy shops.

You may not know this, but the sex education space has been dominated by white sexologists. This imbalance is nothing new, as evidenced by this article from five years ago. So many incredible sex coaches and educators are being overlooked because of implicit racial bias. Take a look at this eloquent explanation from the Women of Color Sexual Health Network’s (WOCSHN) response to the editors of a book called Secrets of the Sex Masters, which was comprised of all white authors:

 

Yes, for many of us, our bodies of Color do experience sex and pleasure differently. Our bodies are not solely genes and biology, but also the histories written on them and the myriad ways we have to navigate the world differently than White people, particularly for those of us who are racially Black and marked immediately as “Other.”

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Some of us never even get the opportunity to really experience sex or sexual pleasure because we do not live long enough. Some of us carry shame about our bodies just by virtue of their color or the racialized traits they carry, which impacts how much pleasure we think we are even worthy of. That’s why any conversation about sexuality is also about race.

 

Black and BIPOC sex coaches, educators and therapists have a part to play in a global conversation about sex. As aptly stated by the WOCSHN,

POC can speak to every issue in the spectrum of sexuality and beyond. The beauty of what many of us POC do is that we weave all these stories together and acknowledge they are actually inseparable.”

We wanted to take this time to point out some amazing resources that you should be aware of in the sex ed and intimacy space. Click on the links below and explore!

 

Black sex educators, therapists, and sexologists

 

 

A personal Favorite

As a kinkster and BDSM gal, I personally want to highlight someone I have been following on Instagram for some time, BlakSyn aka Kinky Black Educator (they/them). All of their posts are chock full of the most insightful information on consent, BDSM and kink best practices. As they noted in a post on June 5, 2020, “BDSM communities are mostly comprised of white people. Black people must actually labor to find community who looks like them.” This educator has a post on nearly every important topic in BDSM and even calls out some of the elitism in BDSM (see post on March 11, 2020). One of my favorite quotes from that post is “You are kinky enough,” which is something I often tell my clients who worry about being too vanilla for their kinky partners.

 

Black-owned sex and intimacy shops

 

 

Now is the time to do our part to eradicate inequities in the sexual wellness space. I hope this list helps you find the resources you need in your sexual journey. I hope, in turn, that the proliferation of this knowledge benefits the black professionals and entrepreneurs who bring this much needed education to the world.

 

 


Emily Anne is a bestselling author, sex coach and educator, who specializes in helping people expand their sexual horizons through BDSM and kink. When she’s not obsessively talking about sex, she’s hiking through the Hollywood Hills. Get some sexy education on her Instagram feed!

masturbation mindset blog sex with emilyHave you ever flicked the bean or polished the pole but barely limped to the finish line, or even quit the race halfway through? The truth is, not all masturbation is created equal. Luckily, the key to successful self-pleasure is totally in your hands. It all starts with getting into the right mindset.

Masturbation is as much a mental game as it is a physical one. So as we come to the close of Masturbation May, here are some tips to get your head in the right space for self-pleasure.

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pelvic floor blog sex with emilyRecently, I was on a Zoom call for a class on vulnerability.  The facilitator asked us what we are doing during this pandemic to improve an area of our lives. I realized that my answer was unique: I have been working on strengthening my pelvic floor. 

You may not realize, but exercising your pelvic floor is something you can do for yourself during this stressful time. All genders benefit from strengthening this area, as it affects your health in a variety of ways.

A strong pelvic floor can help support female organs, as well as the bladder. It may help prevent UTIs – which can get in the way of pain-free sex. Even better, a strong pelvic floor may help support a better sex life, affording better orgasms and increased genital sensitivity.

If you have a penis, a stronger pelvic floor can help with better range of motion for thrusting, and allow you to ejaculate further and with more control! Woohoo!

Let’s get into two ways you can strengthen your pelvic floor.

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