Let’s talk about casual sex. When I first sat down to write this article, I imagined the premise would be all about not taking casual sex too seriously. The plan was to whip up an editorial on letting go of shame and guilt in order to prime our darling readers for a wild ride of right swipes and sexy stranger games. But as I began my research, learning how so many people are sincerely conflicted about the topic of casual sex, I began taking the topic much more seriously. And honestly, I think we all should…

But hold up.

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Q: Dear Emily,

I’m a late bloomer when it comes to masturbation and having orgasms. (I didn’t even know that women could masturbate until I was in my twenties!)

Now I’m figuring out what turns me on, what movements I like, and what doesn’t work. I even have a wonderful partner who is totally on board to help me figure it out.

Sometimes when I masturbate, or when my partner fingers me to climax, this weird thing happens: My body spasms, and it kind of…hurts (usually in just the pelvic area).

I can’t hold my vibrator to my clit any longer or I push my partner’s hand away, even though I feel that I could have gone deeper into the orgasm. It totally keeps me from just melting into the experience.

I’m wondering if I’m pushing myself to climax before I’m fully warmed up? Is that a thing? Or is this a serious issue that I might have to get looked at?

Sincerely,

Leslie, 27

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Have you ever wished you could read the mind of the person you’re sleeping with? Unless you’re Edward Cullen, it’s a wish that will never be granted– but there is hope yet! On today’s throwback show, Emily is joined by Harriet, Atara, Chloe and Menace to uncover the mystery on everyone’s mind: what’s the opposite sex really thinking?

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Dating is tough, like REALLY tough. So tough in fact, countless books and self-help gurus want to give you the secret formula to finding a great mate. There’s definitely smarter ways to go about it, but the best thing we can do is put forth an earnest effort to show our honest selves, and hope that resonates with someone. For many of us living with a disability, the challenges of finding a mate don’t stop after we’ve found someone who laughs at our jokes. The process of wooing and courtship is a dance on a tightrope, and it feels a lot different when you’re already dealing with some major life challenges.

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Most people believe in the idea of soulmates. That one person who’s not only our best friend, but our favorite person to get jiggy with. What happens if sex with The One isn’t good anymore? Or, worse yet, it never was? Does that mean we weren’t actually meant to be? According to a recent study, no, not at all! In fact, the study suggests it’s this idea of sexual soulmates and sexual destiny that’s unhealthy. That it could be the actual reason your sex life is suffering.

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The barbecues, picnics and fireworks from the Fourth of July may be long gone, but celebrating our independence and personal freedom is something all of us should do the entire year round. Freedom from a bad job, freedom from an awful relationship, or maybe just free from old thoughts and behaviors that no longer work. When it comes to sex, there’s a lot of freedom that should also be celebrated. We are lucky to live in a time in America when– regardless of gender, sexuality or preference– everything and anything is accessible and slowly, but surely, becoming less taboo.

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Many women have trouble orgasming, whether they’re with a partner or by themselves. Some have so much trouble, they think that an orgasm just isn’t in the cards for them. Putting so much focus and attention on something can actually be what’s keeping you from attaining your goal.
These thoughts of “I have to orgasm; come on it’s going to happen; you’re so close, just get there” can overwhelm your brain, making you miss the mark every time (or result in a mediocre orgasm). The best way to start your journey towards the big O is actually take climaxing off the table. Don’t worry about getting to the end, just enjoy the ride. 
Being in the moment during sex instead of driving towards a goal will make greater strides in your quest to orgasm than you think. Sex Coach Pam Costa shares her first experience letting go of her quest and how mind-blowing it became in her Down to There blog…

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