Lately I have found myself not that interested in sex, and I think I know why. My long-time boyfriend and I have very busy schedules, and we don’t have as much time as we used to in the bedroom. As a result, all of our sex sessions end up being what you might call “quickies”. He is totally happy to get in, get out and move on to the next thing, but these interactions just aren’t satisfying for me. So now when he brings up the idea of sex, I make excuses or try to get out of it.
I’ve tried explaining my feelings to him, but he just doesn’t get it. He thinks that I’m not interested in him sexually, but that’s not the case – I just feel like I need more! Am I being totally unreasonable? What can we do to make sex enjoyable again, for both of us?
Q: Dear Emily,
My boyfriend and I have a great sex life, but there is one issue that keeps popping up. He recently asked me to pleasure myself in front of him, and it’s not the first time he has made this request. I masturbate from time to time, but never in front of another person! I feel like masturbation is such a private activity and trying to do it in front of him feels awkward and forced. The last time he asked, I got angry and told him to do it himself and see how it feels, but my plan backfired because he totally loved it. Why is this such a big turn on for him? And how can I masturbate for my BF without feeling so uncomfortable?
I like to consider myself a fairly sexually educated girl, but I have NO idea what to do when it comes to being on top during sex. The few times I have tried it, I felt so awkward that it ended up killing the mood. Now I’m worried that my inexperience will be obvious to my next partner.. Are there any tips you can give me to help me get better at girl-on-top?
In many of your Podcasts, I’ve heard you talk about “Jackhammer Sex”, and how men should stop doing it immediately. After hearing it for the third or fourth time, I realized something. My partner is guilty of the Jackhammer, too! I thought it was totally normal to have sex this way, and didn’t really mind it, but now I’m wondering.. If not the jackhammer, then what? What are some alternatives to Jackhammer sex?
The first and last real time that I tried going down on a guy, it was horrible. He smelled really bad down there, and when I tried to just power through it, he pushed my head down and I gagged. He lost his erection and we never hooked up again. Ever since then, I’ve avoided giving BJ’s at all costs.
Now, I’m with a really good guy who is so kind and loving to me. He has made it known that he really LOVES getting blow jobs (even more than sex!) and I really want to give him one, but I keep thinking back to that bad experience. How do I get over my oral sex fears and give him the amazing blow job he deserves?
So you’ve taken my recommendation and you’ve bought yourself a bottle of Promescent, the only FDA-approved delay spray that can help you last up to two times longer in bed without transferring off to your partner. Now what?
I am very educated about sexual health and open minded sexually, but I have a hard time accepting my boyfriend’s porn habit. I thought that our sex life was great, and we love trying new things and experimenting, but he still reverts back to his favorite XXX videos. I can’t help wondering… Aren’t I enough?
I’ve seen porn before, and I get that all guys watch it, but I can’t help feeling a little insecure. Is he comparing me to the women in his favorite pornos? I don’t know what to do to accept the habit. It isn’t fair for me to ask him to stop, so how can I get used to it? Help!
What are your thoughts on morning sex when one person isn’t a morning person? My boyfriend and I have a great sex life, but he gets up early for work and sometimes tries to initiate morning sex. I have never been a morning person, and until I get a cup of coffee, I am not very nice. We have had morning sex before and it was great, but I feel like he would like to do it more often. What would you suggest?
Lindsay here from Los Angeles. I love your show and following your tips has truly helped me have the best sex of my life.
I’ve done something that I know is wrong, I went Snooping. Reading my boyfriends emails and texts. I was hurt so badly in my last relationship that I look at this as an insurance policy. To my pleasant surprise, everything is pretty clean. However, I’ve discovered a couple small lies. One evening he said he got a ride home from work with his friend Mike. Turns out, it was with a female co-worker I’ve never met. There’s also been some flirty emails with past lovers that don’t lead to anything, but he never just stops it with “Hey, I HAVE a girlfriend now.”
I obviously can’t bring up the snooping, and he hasn’t broken any rules, but this doesn’t exactly make me feel secure. Thoughts?
I love hearing from you and read all the emails you send to email@example.com. So, when my listener Dave wanted some “quick and dirty” tips on how to spice up his relationships, I told him how in the video. Hint: it’s round and it vibrates (they don’t call it “Screaming O” for nothing). Screaming O makes so many fun toys for couples who want to spice it up without breaking the bank.