Get What You Want

When dating someone new who you are having sex with how do you bring up the topic of what you like or don’t like while having sex with them (hopefully without hurting the other person’s feelings)? How to do you get what you want?

Communicating with your partner about what you like and don’t like sexually is one of the most important things a couple can do to maintain a healthy relationship. The “when and where” to have these conversations is a delicate decision. If you have issues with something your partner is doing (or not doing) in bed, it’s usually best to talk about it outside the bedroom (unless you’re in pain). Bring it up during breakfast, while you’re talking a walk or just hanging out. This way it doesn’t spoil the mood, make your partner feel defeated or insecure.

Talking about your sexual desires should be done in a positive, playful and constructive manner. Always start with what you do like, “I love it when you nibble my ears” – and then you add your tip- “and I’ll bet it would feel amazing if you kissed my neck.”

This way you’ve reinforced your partner, and gave an indication of something you’d like to experience. Then you can ask your partner, “What do you like about our sex life and is there anything you’d like to do to enhance it?”

If there’s something that your partner is doing that you don’t like, let them know that you enjoy having sex, tell them something you really like about it and then tell them directly it doesn’t feel as good when (fill in the blank). Again this reinforces the positive and allows you to be honest about what doesn’t feel right.

It’s key to be delicate in these situations but with the right tone, message and affirmation you can all be having the best sex of your lives. Isn’t that what you want?

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