How To Be A Good Kisser: A Step By Step Guide

good kisser blog sex with emily

good kisser blog sex with emilyAh, Kissing. My favorite adult pastime and the bane of my middle school existence. Being a good kisser may seem simple, but in reality it’s a craft that you work on throughout your entire romantic and sexual life.

Today, we’re giving you a handy little guide for making sure your smooches are the best in the land, without any pillow practice.

It’s time to pucker up and put your money where your mouth is!

Here’s how to land the perfect peck:


First Steps

Step One: Before You Get Started

Your mouth is your chosen weapon in this situation, so make sure that weapon is ready for action! This may seem like a no-brainer, but it’s an essential step to successful kissing. Moisturize your lips (chapstick, anyone?) bring some mints on that date, and please brush your teeth.

Pro-tip: for those last minute, post-meal moments, a travel-size bottle of mouthwash can be a life saver. There’s nothing like a first kiss with a fuzzy toothed, garlic breathed hottie to really kill the mood. 


Step Two: Listen Listen Listen

The biggest trick to being a good kisser? Knowing that a “good kiss” means something different to everyone! Kissing is such an intimate and it’s not once size fits all. Different people like different smooches, so more often than not, being a good kisser is about working with what your kissing partner likes and doesn’t like.

Just because your ex liked big sloppy make-outs, or a nice dry peck, doesn’t mean either of those will drive your new beau crazy. Kissing is extremely subjective, so being a “good kisser” is really about being an actively listening kisser. Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues and come into every new make-out sesh with the attitude of an explorer. Let their mouth lead the way.


Step Three: Start Slow

Because kissing is so personalized, and our preferences can be so different, it’s important to start small! I don’t want to scare you, but kissing is the gateway to the land of sexual experiences, and a bad kiss can seal off that gateway for good!

More often than not, a kiss is the first sexual or romantic experience with a new partner, so it’s important to start slow with a kiss on the lips (no tongue!) and build from there. If you’re worried about getting a kiss started, read your beau’s body language. Are they leaning in? IS their mouth agape? Can you sense their excitement? Make eye contact, lean in, and if you’re not sure, ask if you can kiss them. Nothing is sexier than consent!


Step Four: Add Tongue

Okay, now that you’ve had a moment to establish a rhythm to your kissing, you can start to introduce a little tongue. French kissing is an art form and everyone likes their french kiss prepared in a different way, so take some time to test the waters before you start playing an intense game of tonsil hockey. Most people don’t like the sensation of saliva dripping down their chin. 

Start by gently touching your tongue to your partners, and build together from there. Mirror the movements of your kissing partner, and develop a rhythm of opening your mouth, introducing your tongue gently, and closing your mouth. The tongue is actually a VERY strong muscle, so be sure to use it delicately, and read your partner’s body language (including their own use of tongue) to see if you can increase the Frenchiness of the kiss.


Next Level Kissing

Step Five: Get Handsy

These next couple steps don’t happen every time you kiss. They apply if you’ve been going at it for a while and you’re moving towards more sexual behavior. Don’t escalate too quickly, but as you get into the groove of kissing, it’s a good idea to hold and caress the person you’re attached to at the mouth!

Start with holding their head to intensify the passion and depth of the kiss. Touch the small of their back, caress their arms and elbows, and generally let them know that you like touching them while also respecting how quickly or slowly things are moving between you two. Don’t just automatically go for the boob grab, keep it cool. But also…keep it hot. And of course, keep your hands clean


Step Six: Go Off the Map!

You’ve got the kissing going, got the tongue involved, and your hands are in the mix. It sounds like you might be ready for a full on make-out sesh! Explore your partner’s body by very softly kissing other nearby erogenous zones, using the mouth as a starting off point. As a rule, we don’t give hickeys, unless you’re in middle school, or someone specifically asked for it!

Kiss their ears, cheeks, and neck, making sure to check in along the way. Think of each little kiss like a step you take towards a new area. Start small, with little dry kisses, and check in with your beau’s body language. Ask yourself: does it seem like my partner likes this? Are they leaning into my kisses? Or do they seem a little disconnected from my earlobe smooches? Some people love them, and some people hate them! Adjust based on their reaction. When in doubt a little “do you like that?” is NEVER a bad idea.




Take the time to notice what they like and don’t like, and adjust from there. If you keep their pleasure in mind, as well as your own, you’ll be a pro kisser in no time. Now go forth and kiss like there’s no tomorrow! Your crush will thank you later. 




Tessa Skara is a writer and comedian. She is bravely bicoastal. She loves all things queer, including, but not limited to sex. Follow her on Instagram @tessafuckinskara.

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