Mind, Body & Libido: Tricks to Take Control of Your Sex Drive
Every day women are bombarded with images and messages that attempt to “define” female sexuality. More often than not, these depictions are in conflict with one another. Are women supposed to be the ever lusty, pouting, prostrate super models we see in magazines? Are all millennial women just career gals, leaning in during the day, and kicking back at night with a bottle of wine and a handful of Tinder options? Or perhaps female sexuality is regulated to a short stint before the childbearing years; only to disappear once the babies come, leaving couples with nothing but sitcom humor and a resignation to their now sexless future?
Fortunately and unfortunately, these seemingly disparate scenarios are partially true and partially false. The real story behind a woman’s sexual desire is that it ebbs and flows, waxes and wanes, runs hot and cold. Making us all surprising and delightful erotic creatures one minute, and frustrated with our fluctuating libido the next. How can this be?
The simple answer is that women and their sexuality have no one set of rules. Our hormonal makeup is designed to be adaptable and even cyclical. This is a good thing from a mating primate perspective… our ancestors were able to propagate the species in all kinds of climates and environments or curb the urge if there was danger afoot. But things have changed and us modern girls want to know how to work with our bodies and minds to build desire on our own terms. And lucky for us, we can totally take control of our sexual desire!
Let’s get down to the business of getting down to business. Much like a great yoga class, your sexual appetite is a mix of mind, body, and soul. Here are 5 ways to align your sexual posture and get you ready to smash any night of the week.
Solve the Hormonal Mystery
As many of you have known since puberty- hormones can lead to some wild rides, affecting everything from your skin to sex drive. What you may not know is that while hormones can have a strong influence (especially on your libido) they do not fully dictate your level of desire and fluctuations of different hormones and brain chemicals can affect each woman differently. This is why we suggest downloading an app to help you track your cycle so you can better learn how your hormones are working in your unique and sexy self. A period tracking app is an easy way to learn more about estrogen, testosterone, progesterone as well as your how they are working on each day of your monthly cycle. Please remember that these apps are not hard and fast rules, but they are a great way to start to notice patterns in your sexy moods. If you do find that you’re more turned on during week 2, great, plan your sexy vacation or first dates around that time. If you learn there are a few days you really aren’t feeling DTF, you can experiment with other ways to increase desire on those days or just enjoy a little down time and know that there’s nothing wrong with you or your body.
53 million women in the United States report having sexual concerns, and most often they are lacking in desire or experiencing vaginal dryness. While these conditions might not be considered disorders, there are some amazing OBGYNs – and engineers – who are stepping up to solve these issues. Meet the Fiera by Nuelle, a hands-free personal care device that stimulates the clitoris. This apparatus is no toy – it’s designed to help prepare your body and mind for sex, not actually bring you to climax. The gentle suction and light stimulation increases blood flow to the clitoris, triggering a natural physiological sexual response. It can be used before an intimate encounter for immediate prep, or over time to continue to build your erotic response. The product itself generates pleasure, but the way it leads your body from warm initial responses to mind blowing orgasms later on is… well… mind blowing!
Word on the street (or internet to be more precise) is that men think about sex every 7 seconds or so- thousands of times a day. The stats on how frequently women think about sex are less prevalent. But the truth is, it doesn’t matter how often you think about sex as much as how you think about it. When you allow your mind to linger on thoughts that turn you on, and carry the warmth of an enticing fantasy around with you for the day, your body is more prepared to enjoy bringing those fantasies to life that night. Often times women struggle to switch their thoughts from their millions of daily tasks, works stressors, or family needs over to thinking solely of their and their partner’s sexual satisfaction. By thinking dirty thoughts and considering your fantasies, segueing into releasing your desire is much easier. Plus you’ll be better prepared to ask for what you want or answer the question “what’s your greatest fantasy?” What a wonderful thing to know about yourself… think about it.
Yes, keeping yourself moving and energized with daily workouts will help with self-confidence and sexual appetite, but there are some other, much more fun exercises, to literally build your sexual muscles. That’s right, we’re talking kegels, aka “the new Pilates.” There are some wonderful products on the market to help strengthen the pelvic floor (Kegel Camp, anyone?), but before you start squeezing and releasing these wonderful muscles, consider the Intensity by Pour Moi. It’s brilliant because it uses gentle electro stimulation to strengthen your PC muscle group – with the added benefit of internal and external vibration. Finally a workout that leads to orgasm! (Well, other than sex that is). As you build the strength in your pelvic floor muscles, you’ll find more control over your vaginal contractions, greater orgasms, and of course, more control over your desire.
Explore Your Sensuality
Lighting candles and drawing a bath are some of the more obvious ways to relax and enjoy a sumptuous, sensuous night, but we want to give you a few more ideas on how to explore your sensual self. Enhance your desire by adding on sexy extras to your romantic life alone or with a partner. Consider making yourself a sexy playlist with tracks from The XX and Massive Attack to heighten the mood. Enhance the tactile experience of your partner by introducing the sexy slip of JO’s Naturalove lubricant to your hand job, making it more like a luxurious massage. Wear lingerie when you masturbate, even if no one is there to see you, maybe even take time to put on your sexiest shoes to enjoy on your own. Bathe in a masculine fragrance or dab a touch of cologne on your sheets. All of these seemingly simple accentuations will make for a more full-bodied enjoyment of your sexual pleasure while increasing your desire. It’s time to let yourself be enveloped by your sensory pleasures.
As you begin to explore the nature of your sexual desire, you’ll find your body, mind and spirit awakened to an increasing sense of enjoyment. By giving your beautiful, sensual self the attention you deserve, you’ll find it becoming easier to respond to pleasure. From a romantic look, to a lingering touch, to a body-shaking orgasm… you can take control.