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orgasms

Q: Dear Emily,

I’m a late bloomer when it comes to masturbation and having orgasms. (I didn’t even know that women could masturbate until I was in my twenties!)

Now I’m figuring out what turns me on, what movements I like, and what doesn’t work. I even have a wonderful partner who is totally on board to help me figure it out.

Sometimes when I masturbate, or when my partner fingers me to climax, this weird thing happens: My body spasms, and it kind of…hurts (usually in just the pelvic area).

I can’t hold my vibrator to my clit any longer or I push my partner’s hand away, even though I feel that I could have gone deeper into the orgasm. It totally keeps me from just melting into the experience.

I’m wondering if I’m pushing myself to climax before I’m fully warmed up? Is that a thing? Or is this a serious issue that I might have to get looked at?

Sincerely,

Leslie, 27

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Many women have trouble orgasming, whether they’re with a partner or by themselves. Some have so much trouble, they think that an orgasm just isn’t in the cards for them. Putting so much focus and attention on something can actually be what’s keeping you from attaining your goal.
These thoughts of “I have to orgasm; come on it’s going to happen; you’re so close, just get there” can overwhelm your brain, making you miss the mark every time (or result in a mediocre orgasm). The best way to start your journey towards the big O is actually take climaxing off the table. Don’t worry about getting to the end, just enjoy the ride. 
Being in the moment during sex instead of driving towards a goal will make greater strides in your quest to orgasm than you think. Sex Coach Pam Costa shares her first experience letting go of her quest and how mind-blowing it became in her Down to There blog…

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I believe it was Selena Gomez (or Emily Dickenson) who famously wrote, “The heart wants what it wants…” And I think the same can be said of the clitoris. Think about it, this once seemingly mythic organ exists solely for pleasure, it contains 8,000 delicious nerve endings, and it can be the most surefire path to orgasm. Of course it wants what it wants! What we need to do now is listen to it. Continue Reading

Solo or with a partner, achieving orgasm is like the pot of gold at the end of a sexy rainbow. But what happens when that rainbow of toys, foreplay, and sex doesn’t quite bring you all the way to your big ‘O’? As much as we would love to sit back, relax, and let our partners take care of all the hard climactic work, our orgasms are our responsibility. Although it’s your partner that helps get you there, they can’t do it alone, they need you– body AND mind. Whether you’re on the struggle bus with orgasming in general, or are experiencing a temporary lag in your typically dependable climax, here are a few tips to take control of every orgasm-oriented experience for a satisfying slide into that big ole’ pot of pleasure. 

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Every straight woman I know has faked an orgasm. Some still do!

Girl, stop.

I’ve never been the When-Harry-Met-Sally kind of faker, but I’ve definitely moaned here and there and lied right to a guy’s face as he pealed the condom off and asked me if I came. It’s no surprise women do it, though. We’re raised in a culture that teaches us to revolve our lives entirely around men and their comfort, and sex is no different. Faking it is our way of helping them feel good about themselves– a call of duty if you will. Or it’s a way to not hurt their feelings when we’re tired, over it, or rubbed raw and just want him to get the f*ck off of us.  Continue Reading

The hardest part about having issues in the bedroom is asking for help. Never fear, because Emily is here, and her favorite thing in the world is helping people improve their sex lives and relationships. On today’s show, she’s helping callers figure out the best way to get past their coital conundrums and dating dilemmas.

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