It’s the question on every guy’s mind: How can I make my threesome fantasy a reality?

Unlike the random, carefree three ways often depicted in movies (oh yeah, and in porn), it’s a pretty rare occasion for three people to just happen into a menage-a-trois. Much like vampires screwing werewolves and kinky billionaires with sex dungeons, some things look much cleaner and less frightening on the silver screen than in real life, and threesomes are no exception to the rule. In the real world, a sexy party of three usually starts with two. And this is where things become complicated.

Yes, a random hot night between three single strangers can provide the uninhibited experience you’ve always dreamed of. However, if one of the two people in your dream threesome scenario happens to be your significant other, you need to pump the brakes and make sure that you aren’t risking your (hopefully successful) relationship for one wild night of decadence.

Before you attempt to ride the tricycle, you need to consider where you and your partner stand. Is this something that could potentially cause problems? Would he or she even be into it? What are you hoping to gain? 

Not sure where to start? Here are a few quick tips to help you make your dream a reality, without it turning into a relationship nightmare..

1. Be Honest

Before a couple should even consider a threesome, they need to be on solid ground. If you and your significant other are not in a good place, emotionally, sexually or otherwise, then this threesome could be the straw that breaks the relationship’s back. If there is even a hint of jealousy or insecurity, turn back. If you haven’t been having sex lately, turn back. If you can’t even talk about sex to begin with, TURN BACK.

Only couples who are in stable relationships, who can communicate and set ground rules that they trust each other to follow, should venture into a menage a trois. A threesome will not save a relationship, and is not likely to reignite the spark if the sex has fizzled out. If anything, it’ll only make a potentially flammable situation even more treacherous. 

2. Feel Her Out

Many men are all for bringing a third into the bedroom. This goes without saying. But before you go out searching for the guest star of your sexual fantasy, it’s important to make sure your leading lady is on board. So how do you test the waters? Start off by looking for the signs.

If she’s mentioned that she’s kissed or played with other women in the past or shares about having fantasies about being with other women, these could all be good signs she’s up for it. If she’s more inhibited in the bedroom and has shot down any ideas for sexual play outside the box, she might not be an easy candidate for a threesome and you should probably start a little smaller.

3. Be Casual

You’ve analyzed the situation. You’re pretty confident in your relationship. You have a feeling she’d be into it (Wild Things IS her favorite movie, after all). So how the heck do you bring it up?

For starters, you should definitely approach the issue casually and carefully. Start by initiating a conversation about both of your fantasies. Ask her what she is interested in trying in the bedroom. Then when it’s your turn to share your desires, make her the center of your threesome fantasy. Talk about how sexy it would be to see her with another woman. It’s important for her to feel desired by you and will squash any insecurities she has about you wanting to be with another woman.

4. Timing Is Everything

In this situation, timing is everything. The way you choose to bring it up could be the deciding factor in whether you ride the tricycle or sleep on the couch. If you’re drunk and eyeing a hot girl at a party and throw out “What do you think? Should we take her home?” That’s not going to fly.

It’s best to bring this up in an entirely neutral and safe space. Talk about it together at home, when it is just the two of you. Ask her what she would feel comfortable with. And do not under any circumstances approach her with a third woman already in mind. Ask her questions, but allow her to steer the conversation. This is the key to her feeling secure and in control.

5. Lay Down Ground Rules

So she agreed, and you’re almost there! Now it’s time to talk it out. It’s important for couples to discuss their personal rules and expectations for how it will all go down. How do you want to find the third? Should it be a friend, an acquaintance, or a total stranger? Is kissing okay? Who will be pleasuring whom? And should the person stay the night?

Having these guidelines set out beforehand will help keep the experience safe and protect against any jealousy or hurt feelings. That way, everyone can enjoy themselves and be in the moment, without worrying about the possible fall out.

6. Address the Green-Eyed Monster in the Room

Unfortunately, jealously is an unavoidable threesome side effect for most couples. It’s natural that one partner might feel uncomfortable or threatened by their lover’s hands all over a third party. Jealousy is a common emotion, especially in this situation. So before the green-eyed monster creeps it’s way into your menage a trois, nip it in the bud and address the issue before anything else happens. You and your partner should discuss how you might feel if this emotion arises, what jealousy means and how you will deal with it if it does. That way, if any feelings of jealousy should pop up, you will know exactly how to deal with them. 

7. Have An Exit Strategy

So what if you and your partner talk it out and lay the ground rules, but something still doesn’t feel quite right? What if you realize in the middle of the act that a threesome really isn’t what you crave? Even if you follow all the necessary steps to a tee, there’s no guarantee that your party of three will go exactly as you hoped. You might be comfortable with the idea of it, but there’s no telling how you will feel in the moment.

For this reason, it’s important that you have a way of letting your partner know if you are feeling uncomfortable, and vice versa. There is absolutely no reason to stick out a threesome that doesn’t feel right, but you also might want to be somewhat subtle in how you hit the brakes on your tricycle ride. Have an emergency exit plan prepared beforehand to help you both communicate during the act — A secret code word or movement might be all you need to let them know it’s time to wrap things up.