Ask Emily: Alternatives to Jackhammer Sex

Two people laying in bed and cuddling.
Two people laying in bed and cuddling.Dear Emily,

In many of your Podcasts, I’ve heard you talk about  “Jackhammer Sex”, and how men should stop doing it immediately. After hearing it for the third or fourth time, I realized something. My partner is guilty of the Jackhammer, too! I thought it was totally normal to have sex this way, and didn’t really mind it, but now I’m wondering.  If not the jackhammer, then what? What are some alternatives to Jackhammer sex?


Dear Jackhammered,

Great question! For those of you who don’t know, jackhammer sex (also known as jackrabbit sex) is an epidemic that has infiltrated bedrooms everywhere. We’ve all been on the receiving end of it at one point in our lives. It usually involves lying motionless below your partner, while he thrusts vigorously in-and-out of you for extended periods of time and you engage in some mental multitasking to take your mind off the pulverization of your lady parts.  So romantic and sexy, right? Wrong.


It’s true, there are some women who enjoy a steady pounding, but for many of us, relentless penetration is not exactly the route to multiple orgasms. Yes, the in-and-out motion feels great for the guy. And yes, the women in porn seem to really like it. But for us regular women who are not being paid to orgasm (or simulate an orgasm) on camera? The jackhammer doesn’t usually do it for us.

The biggest problem with jackhammer sex is that it leaves out our main orgasmic organ: The Clitoris!  According to extensive research, the majority of women cannot orgasm from penis-to-vagina stimulation alone. They need a little clitoral action to help them reach the big O! So while your guy is thrusting away like a battering ram, he is completely missing the 8,000 pleasure-ready nerve endings packed into a cute little button, located right outside the vagina. No clitoral stimulation = way less chance of an orgasm, and we know you don’t want that.

So the jackhammer is out. Now what? Might I suggest slowing things down a little? No I don’t mean waiting for sex (although a little anticipation never hurt anyone, right?) I’m talking about slowing down your movements to have better, longer-lasting sex that will more than likely result in a powerful orgasm.

Instead of laying back and letting your partner hammer away, try moving together at a slow and steady pace. Alternate between long, deep strokes and short, shallow movements and swivel your hips clockwise and then counter-clockwise to explore all different angles and sensations. And don’t forget about your clitoris! Slowly grind and rub against your partner’s penis or pelvic region for as much clitoral stimulation as possible. This is the key ingredient to sending you over the edge!

Slow, sensual, mindful sex is amazing for so many reasons. Slowing down your movements will help both of you experience stronger orgasms, and connect on a deeper level. Also, it will help him last a lot longer than he would if he was still pounding away at 45 mph. Everyone wins! Now tell your man to put away that hammer in his pants, and slow things down for a little bit of lovemaking and a lot of pleasure for both of you.


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