There’s nothing like the thrill of a sext in your pocket. Especially one that reads, “wanna 🔥 later on?”

But what if…you and your lover are not in the same location. Whatever shall you do?

Don’t let trifling realities like zip codes or time zones stand in your way. If you haven’t experienced long-distance sex yet, it’s time to kick things up several notches.  

Like remote work, long-distance sex has gotten much more common over the past few years. That’s driven by our smartphones and FaceTime capacities of course, but also by sex toys designed to help you and a lover pleasure each other, whether you’re across the room or across the world. What I love about long-distance sex is that it combines the intimacy of masturbation and the joy of collaboration – spiked with voyeurism, exhibitionism, and dirty talk. What a lovely combo.

Here are 4 ideas to try long-distance sex with your lover, the next time you two aren’t in the same bed. 

1. Try a Long-Distance Toy

What a time to be alive, today’s sex toys are awash with Bluetooth and app capabilities. The fun of these toys is putting control in someone else’s hands, and letting them “Dom” your arousal with a vibrator. Very fun to do over phone – even more fun to do over FaceTime. The three best toys for this play are: 

• A panty vibe (this one is the absolute best). Place it inside underwear, nestled against the clitoris. Once connected to the app, a partner can “pulse” the vibrations and control the stimulation. 
• A wearable g-spot and clitoral vibe (this one is my favorite). These are versatile toys that you can also wear during penetrative sex to increase chances of orgasm, so, a good investment. For those who want their partner to tease them inside and out, this is a hands-down great toy. 
• A prostate massager (this one constantly sells out). So delightful for those with a penis, who will likely want to masturbate during phone / FaceTime sex. While they arouse themselves, partners can massage the prostate by controlling this toy’s vibrations on the app. Note – this leads to a BIG orgasm.

2. Do Mutual Masturbation

If you’d rather stimulate yourself, thank you very much, mutual masturbation is your friend. I love the visual component of this over FaceTime, because you’re getting to watch your partner pleasure themselves…while they watch you. It’s a kinky good time.

I’ve got a mutual masturbation guide here, to give you inspiration. If you feel nervous about FaceTiming, a phone call can be just as hot. Sometimes, we’re less inhibited when there’s no sight component – you can close your eyes while you pleasure yourself, and melt into their voice. Speaking of which, what the hell do you talk about while you’re having phone sex? A few ideas:

• Reminisce about your hottest sex together. Describe exactly how it felt, what you remember most about it, what they did that blew your mind…
• Talk about what you want to do together. Share a fantasy where you explain (in graphic detail) exactly what you want to do them.
• Role play together. If you and your partner are role play types, invent characters for each other and make up a sexy story about what you’re doing to each other.

If you’ve got a vulva and want to up your odds of orgasm during mutual masturbation, a simple bullet vibe (like this one) is the move. I like this one for phone/FaceTime sex because it’s super intuitive and simple (while very very powerful). 

3. Make a Sexting Date

If phone or FaceTime sex feels intimidating, carve out time to sext together. I’ve got a guide to do it right here, and in this article I walk you through how to initiate your sext and get things going. 

Related: send a nude! Or a suggestive sexy pic. IMO, it’s good to have some of these on-hand anyway for when the sexting mood strikes.

4. Send NSFW Voice Memos

As a fun variation on foreplay, disappearing voice memos are a modern godsend. A step up from sexting, it’s always hot to hear your lover’s voice… when it’s saying something filthy.

Voice memos can be an opening salvo to your sext date / phone or FaceTime sex, even if you just send something cute and flirty. But they can also be an exciting way to have “phone sex” when the two of you can’t sync up. I like trading flirty / sexy voice memos mostly as a warm-up to something bigger later on, to get us both excited for what’s to come. Just make sure your phone’s Bluetooth settings are OFF: let’s not broadcast our sex convos to our home speaker system while guests are over. 

Have you tried long-distance sex? What are your favorite tricks for it? Come find me on Instagram at @sexwithemily and let’s trade ideas!

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