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two vaginas blog sex with emilyIt’s the last day of Pride month, and you know what that means: glitter, rainbows, and (if you’re lucky) some queer sex. But, just because we’re all feeling proud doesn’t mean that we’re all…experienced.

Starting out in the world of queer sex can at best feel intimidating and at worst feel like a big gay mountain we’d rather not start climbing. We learn a lot about heterosexual sex, through…pretty much everything, sex between two people with vaginas can often feel like a huge question mark.

There’s a lot of misinformation floating around, so today I want to set the record straight and give you some pointers for non-straight sex with two vaginas. 

 

Check In With Your Partner

Ah yes, the good ol’ gay check in. What could be more queer than processing your feelings around sex before you even have it? Being able to talk openly with the person you’re having sex with isn’t just important for your emotional health, it’s important for your physical health and downright necessary for good sex!

Because it’s not immediately apparent as to how two “innies” fit together, being able to talk about what you like and don’t like is even more important in this situation. Maybe you like vibrators, maybe you can’t come unless you have clitoral and vaginal stimulation, or maybe you would rather be a giver than a receiver.

Either way, checking in and talking about sex before you have it is super important for queer sex. Not to mention that it’s extra important to talk about your STD status when two vaginas are in the mix. Vaginal condoms can be awkward, but there are other ways to stay safe including dental dams, using condoms on sex toys, changing condoms to avoid mixing vaginal fluids and using latex gloves. It might be awkward, it might be uncomfortable, but you have to make sure you’re safe along the way.

Also: you’ll notice that I keep saying “two vaginas” instead of two women. This is because your partner might not identify as a woman, or even like to call their genitals a vagina! And that’s okay! Check in to see what their preferred pronouns are and what words they like to use during sex to describe their genitals. Communication is always the best way to ensure comfort in your new expedition and will make your dirty talk even better.

 

Figure out what you like!

You’ve got the same hardware, so why not practice on yourself first? Before you start in on your partner’s vagina, focus on your own first. Figuring out what you like and how you like to pleasure yourself will teach you a lot about pleasing another vagina. So take some time alone and have a solo masturbation session or two to figure out what you like before you start having queer sex. Being able to describe what you like will help your partner pleasure you, and give you a lot of information as to how to operate the machinery, keeping in mind that we all like different things. Also: it’s fun!

 

Start Slow, With Your Hands

Okay, now that you’ve figured out what you like and how to talk about it, let me take a second to focus your attention on your hands. These are now some of your main tools for sex!

Make sure your hands are clean, nails trimmed and latex gloves ready to go because these bad boys are going to be your first line of action. When you and your partner are ready to touch one another, make sure you start gently, and use lots of lube. Everyone has a different sensitivity level, so no matter how confident you are with a vibrator or dildo, unless you’ve discussed something differently, I suggest you start with your hands.

Take some time to explore their whole vaginal area with your hands, and communicate a lot. Do they like it when you stroke them here? Or there? Do they like fast? Or slow? More lube? Or Less? Do they only want you to touch their clit? Or do they want a finger in their vagina? If so, how many? Start slow, work your way up, and stay in communication the whole time.

Also pro tip: if you do insert your fingers into their vagina, try to find angles where you can keep your wrist straight and instead thrust with your whole arm. You can even hold your wrist with your other hand if that helps. Believe me, it will make your new sex toy last A LOT longer and your wrist will thank you later.

 

Don’t focus on the big O

No one started playing basketball and immediately was amazing at throwing three point shots. When you first start having queer sex, it can be messy, take a long time, and be downright awkward.

But this my friends is about the journey, not the destination. Just because you didn’t give your partner an orgasm in the first 20 minutes, doesn’t make you a failure. In fact, the less you focus on orgasms, and instead put your attention on pleasure, the more likely you are to get good at queer sex. And because vaginas can experience multiple orgasms, when you do get there, it’ll be worth the wait. We’re in this for the long haul, for the experience, not for that cumulative cum shot. So stop worrying about their orgasm and start worrying about whether or not they enjoy it. You and your partner will have a lot more fun that way. I promise.

 

Explore from there!

If you want to employ a toy to help you explore the pleasure your vulva has to offer, try the Zumio! It’s a totally unique toy that uses rotation and movement to pinpoint the pleasure on your clit and surrounding areas. It’s like using a compass to find your orgasmic north star!

All these same tips apply to new introduction into your sex-repertoire: oral, vibrators, sex toys, strap ons, etc. Start slow. Communicate a lot. Check in constantly. Work your way up over time. You don’t want anyone to get hurt and ruin the whole experience. I promise you, you’ll work your way up to that crazy sex scene you’ve got in your head eventually. 

 

 


Tessa Skara is a writer and comedian. She is bravely bicoastal. She loves all things queer, including, but not limited to sex. Follow her on Instagram @tessafuckinskara.

 

clitoral anatomy blog sex with emilyAhhhh the clit. The holy grail of genitals. The mythical beast that everyone seems to be searching for like some erotic bullseye.

You might be the owner of a clit or a lover of them, or both. But you probably know the clit as the tiny little pleasure button at the top of the vagina.

BUT the clit isn’t just that little dippin’ dot that everyone seems to have such a hard time finding. The clit is a multifaceted character with a myriad of parts. 

So take my hand, and let’s take a deep dive into the beautiful topography of The Clit.

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feel beginners masturbation blog sex with emilyIf you were to write a book about all the things you didn’t learn in sex ed class, it would be three times as long (and three times as useful) as a book about what we did learn. It feels like we covered the medical names of all our parts and were fed some fear-mongering stats about pregnancy and STIs. For most, we somehow completely skipped over the fact that 1. You can orgasm. And 2. You can orgasm all by your damn self. 

Don’t be fooled, like driving a car or making a food that isn’t mac and cheese from the box, masturbation is something you have to learn. And even if you had the most liberal or extensive health classes in school, chances are there wasn’t a unit on making yourself finish. (And if there was please let me know what school you went to.) 

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sex positions blog sex with emilyWe at SWE love variety; it’s the spice of your sex life! We’re all about mixing it up, trying new sex positions, products, toys and perspectives. There’s a reason so many of you write and ask Emily about inviting a third into your bedroom; you’re tired of your routine sex and ready to mix things up!

But we also know that there’s a place for the tried-and-true type of sex. Finding those sex positions that you know are going to work, that are physically comfortable and get the job done for everyone. And it’s true what they say: once you’ve mastered the basics of anything, you’re better prepared to master the more advanced techniques.

So join us on a brief journey through the six basic sex positions, and brush up on your skills. Here are some tips for getting the most out of these classics, with some variations you maybe haven’t tried!

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clit blog sex with emilyThe clitoris has been the focus of sexual attention for years. But only relatively recently did scientists discover the actual size of the clit (many times larger than originally thought). It is one of the most sensitive body parts, having around 8,000 nerve endings (twice as much as a penis) and affecting another 15,000 in the pelvic region! All the more reason to touch it!

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With 2019 coming to an end, we took some time here at the Sex With Emily office to reflect.

We took a walk down memory lane to see which podcasts and articles made the Sexy Hits lists. The ones you all loved more than the others.

So to end the year 2019 with a bang and start 2020 with a head start, here is all that top content in one place! You’re welcome.

 

 

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Giphy

The clitoris is the pleasure center to every vulva owner’s station. Did you know that 80% of vulvas need the clitoris to orgasm? That means only 20% of women can orgasm from penetration alone. Even then, it’s hypothesized that the g-spot (an internal walnut textured vaginal pleasure spot) is connected to the clitoris. So statistically speaking, the clitoris is where it’s at for a lot of women.

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