Dear Emily,In many of your Podcasts, I’ve heard you talk about “Jackhammer Sex”, and how men should stop doing it immediately. After hearing it for the third or fourth time, I realized something. My partner is guilty of the Jackhammer, too! I thought it was totally normal to have sex this way, and didn’t really mind it, but now I’m wondering. If not the jackhammer, then what? What are some alternatives to Jackhammer sex?
Thanks,
Jackhammered
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years. We are still very much in love, but our sex life is not exactly what you would call exciting. Ever since we began having sex, it has always been the same missionary sex position–me on top, her on the bottom–and it’s beginning to get a bit old…
I am afraid that due to her inexperience with sex and relationships, (she has never had a serious boyfriend and had quite a few partners) her idea of what sex truly is and what it can be has been ruined. She seems content with just lying there with me on top.
There is nothing more I would love than to share all of my sexual energy with her and have her express her wants and desires so that we can both be together on a much deeper level, but I am afraid to bring it up!
How do I start a conversation like this, and when should I do it?
John
Dear Emily,
My boyfriend and I have a great sex life, but there is one issue that keeps popping up. He recently asked me to pleasure myself in front of him, and it’s not the first time he has made this request. I masturbate from time to time, but never in front of another person! I feel like masturbation is such a private activity and trying to do it in front of him feels awkward and forced. The last time he asked, I got angry and told him to do it himself and see how it feels, but my plan backfired because he totally loved it. Why is this such a big turn on for him? And how can I masturbate for my BF without feeling so uncomfortable?
Sincerely,
Self-Love Self Conscious
Ever wonder what the world would be like if we all felt comfortable talking about sex?
We’d have way more pleasure, less shame and much healthier relationships. Not to mention that talking about sex increases desire and leads to a more satisfying life all around.
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I love that you’re using toys and know what your body needs to feel pleasure. It can be difficult for women to orgasm in the first place, so you’re already on the right track.
There is nothing shameful about using a clitoral vibrator! I mean, you’re experiencing pleasure, right? Many vulva and vibrator owners keep their toys to themselves out of fear of rejection or offending their partner. But I say, why NOT give your partner a chance to see what the magic is all about?
Like anything, start by being mindful of how to start the conversation. Best not to overwhelm them or pull it out without much warning. Remember the three T’s of communication: timing, tone, and turf. Bring it up outside of the bedroom and start by having a casual and playful conversation. Maybe start with a specific thing you love or memory you have about your sex life with them. Be honest and open about your experience with toys. Explain that you think toys might be a fun way to increase the pleasure even more for both of you.
Once you’ve had an open conversation now you can start playing. I always find it helps to show my partner how it works, even demonstrating on their body so they get a sense of how amazing vibrations can feel, no matter what parts you have!
Get creative, and even let them take control—the We-Vibe Chorus is a great clitoral vibrator for couples and can be totally hands-free. Maybe bring out some massage oil, like Exsens. You can massage their body and start to tease them with the vibe. Once they know how good it feels, they’ll better understand why you love it so much.
There’s no shame in always needing a vibrator, but I would also encourage you to keep experimenting. Our brain memorizes masturbation patterns, so it may take time and effort to discover new methods.
And of course, have lots of fun. Many couples find that bringing a toy into their relationship not only enhances pleasure but also strengthens their intimacy. Happy vibing!
xx,
When it comes to relationships, it’s not unusual to get into unhealthy patterns—so I’m going to help you identify some of the warning signs you might be ignoring. Whether you’re dating a perfectionist or a partner who is emotionally unavailable, there are some red flags that will never turn green.
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Today’s show is all about you and answering your questions. One couple wants to know how to prepare for a threesome, another wants their partner to experiment with cuckolding. However you want to explore an open relationship, I cover the topics everyone should think about before pulling the trigger.
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Happy International Non-binary People’s Day! In this episode, Emily talks to the charming non-binary actor Vico Ortiz about how they keep dating interesting during COVID. Vico’s gone to great lengths to keep themselves busy and satisfied while stuck at home so if you’re missing human connection, this one’s for you. They also discuss the difference between gender and sexuality, what to do if you get someone’s pronouns wrong and healthy ways to make time for yourself.
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In this episode, Emily talks to Sex With Emily regular, psychological astrologer, Dr. Jennifer Freed, to give us her monthly Astro-Sex Forecast, so listen for your sign (and your partner’s too!). Emily and Jennifer also talk about mindfulness and the power of kissing. Too much or not enough tongue? It’s kissing 101!
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In this Episode Emily kicks off Sexual Liberation Month. She sets the tone with provocative questions to get you thinking about your sexual freedom, confidence and what’s holding you back. Emily is here to help you live the life you want because what else are you doing right now except staying home and having sex? No partner required!
