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Just the Tip

Congratulations! You made it to the end of 2020 AND survived it. Before we turn the page on this year, we wanted to share with you the best sex blogs that you, fellow lovers, loved the most during this crazy time. Let’s be real, being at home for more than usual probably had you reevaluating your sex life. You were probably inspired to take another look at how you prioritize your pleasure or even your partner’s pleasure, at how you communicate your needs, or how to take the anxiety out of sex. Whatever the case, we’re glad to share the articles that you loved the most to keep encouraging you to prioritize your pleasure and sex life. We present to you the best sex blogs of 2020!

Best Sex Blogs of 2020:

Ask Emily: Is it normal (or safe) to eat your own ejaculate?

We got so many amazing questions from you this year, and this is by far the top one from our lovely penis owners. Whether you’re flying solo or with a co-pilot, having the urge to eat your ejaculate is by far one of the most common. Beyond the widespread impulse, we cover if it’s safe and where this urge may come (cum?) from.

Mind Blowing Oral in Under 5 Minutes? The Kivin Method.

Let’s be real: three minutes of oral is not enough to even get a vulva owner started. Whether you’re looking to change up your oral game or get a headstart to learn how to give head, the Kivin Method is probably perfect for you. Bottom line: this technique will give vulva owners an orgasm within 5-10 minutes. Need I say more?

Yes, No, Maybe? The List Every Relationship Needs

Whether you’re in a sexual dry spell or having the best sex of your life, it’s never a bad idea to discuss with your partner the things that make (or could make) you tick. If you don’t know how to start the conversation, here’s our best and most popular suggestion: the Yes, No, Maybe List. Grab a bottle of wine, take a seat on the couch, and take this quiz with your partner to see where you both stand on these sexual experiences. By indicating the things you like, don’t like, or could consider trying, your relationship is sure to benefit from this list.

Intro to Consensual Non-Consent

Many of us are afraid to explore fantasies that seem taboo or even triggering, but rest assured this fantasy is common and can be practiced safely. It’s also a heavily stigmatized topic, making the discussion of said issues one of our best sex blogs of 2020. Trigger warning: this article discusses rape/forced sex fantasies, which should be practiced by consenting adults.

The Truth About DDLG As Told by a Little

As a subcategory of BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism), the DDLG dynamic is not as uncommon as it seems. In a Daddy Dom/Little Girl situation, the DD asserts a dominant role whereas the LG is submissive. Read on to see how you can add this play into your sex life. 

5 Problematic Sex Positions & How to Make Them Work!

When it comes to sex, positions aren’t really a one-fits-all. All bodies are different, so some sex positions won’t necessarily work for everyone. To help out, we gathered some tips on how to make the most out of these common (and tricky!) positions.

Blow Job Tricks to Try Tonight!

If you’re looking to please a penis-owner tonight, look no further. We cover the best oral tips that anyone can master. Trust us, it doesn’t have to feel like work to give a good blow job.

Choking Etiquette 101

With getting more comfortable being at home, I think 2020 was the year for people to get kinkier. You don’t have to go zero-to-kinky AF, but maybe you want to try some choking during sex. Before you do, though, let’s get into some choking etiquette. Trigger and overall warning: NEVER choke without your partner’s consent.

3 Ways to Have a MMF Threesome

For some reason, FFM threesomes (in which two females join one male) are more popular than MMF ones. This year, though, more of you were interested in how to have a male/male/female threesome. Desiring this dynamic is pretty common and no, it doesn’t necessarily define your sexuality–it probably deepens your pleasure, or is a one-time thing you crave. Read on to find out how to make positions work and how to give attention to all parties involved.

The Top 4 Best Toys for Sex Toy Virgins

And, finally, a lot of you reached the gates to the sex toy realm for the first time–welcome! At Sex With Emily, we rave about how using sex toys brings extra fun and pleasure to our sex lives, whether we’re using them alone or with partners. Finding a toy for the first time is pretty daunting–there are SO many to choose from!–so we’re glad to help you find your perfect match.

Honorable Mentions:

How to Dom Via Text

It’s hard to keep a dominant/submissive dynamic when you have to socially isolate and can’t see each other as often. To keep the fire burning from afar, we gave you our tips on how to keep the game going–right at your fingertips! Texting is a great way to keep your commands direct and even more alluring.

6 Basic Sex Positions Done Right

Nothing about sex should be basic, but these tried-and-true positions are easy to mix up to add some variety to your sex life. Changing up little things will go a long way to better, more pleasurable sex!

María Lysandra Hernández is a writer and book lover from Guaynabo, Puerto Rico. She (virtually) received her BA degree in Writing, Literature and Publishing with a minor in Global and Post-Colonial Studies at Emerson College. She now lives in Los Angeles, and her work has been published in Anomaly, Raíz Magazine and Are We Okay? A Memoir.

woman with flower over bodyWhenever you hear the word “mapping,” the thoughts that rush to mind are a little less about sexual empowerment, a little more middle school geography class. But what if we were to tell you that this age-old activity could be the very key to unlocking a whole new world of pleasure? Vulva mapping, to be specific. 

Perhaps it sounds a bit strange at first, but rest assured, it won’t for long! Because with the help of a clear head, specific intent, a dash of patience, and sweet, sensual touch, you too can be on your way to uncovering a new sense of your sexiest self. 

If you know, you know. If you don’t…prepare to be amazed. 

What exactly is Vulva Mapping?

Vulva mapping, in a nutshell, is the hands-on practice of learning the “topography” of female-bodied genitals. Through mindful massage and intentional touch, it’s a way for individuals to get to know their bodies better and, as a result, grow more attuned to and comfortable with their own sexuality. 

Seems pretty great, right? Especially in this day and age! But, pausing to remember that female sexuality isn’t something that’s always been the most…celebrated topic, it begs the question of how all of this actually began.

In the late ‘60s and early ‘70s emerged a feminist organization called the New York Radical Women. Dedicated to opposing the deep-rooted patriarchal system, the group sought ways to overturn the notion of a male-dominated society and give women the power to no longer be oppressed. One of which began with the idea of hosting what they called “feminist consciousness-raising” groups. 

The primary goal of these groups was to collectively shine light on issues of the “women’s experience” and figure out how they can most effectively implement their mission out into the rest of the world. One such method was the vaginal self-examination, where each member grabbed a mirror and flashlight to study their own lady bits in a group setting. 

Instead of hiding in the typical throes of embarrassment or self-consciousness, this activity thrust women into looking at themselves in ways they had likely never done before. In addition to now knowing what was actually down there, they could finally take charge of their female differences, have more confidence in their own skin, and bust through long-held taboos surrounding their sexualities—and furthermore, their place in society. 

So from there, vulva mapping was born! And the good news is it’s something that’s only gotten better with age. 

Benefits of Vulva Mapping

Now that we’ve covered the historical roots, I’m sure you’re curious to know more about the lovely perks it can actually yield. 

Whether it’s a result of our upbringing, peers, social media or trauma, there are so many feelings of embarrassment and/or shame prone to building up within our bodies over the years. In return, those feelings can cause heightened levels of stress, anxiety, self-consciousness and other subconscious pressures that impact how we perceive our sexual selves. 

That said, learning to better understand and feel more confident in our own skin is one of the most effective ways to counteract those negative effects. Hence, vulva mapping enters the picture here as a great tool to help kick-start that journey. 

Seeing what the vulva actually looks like, getting to know how every part individually feels, learning all of the different sensations you’re capable of feeling and realizing what your body likes best—each step of the process can lead to an overall boost in everything from confidence and sexual satisfaction, to one’s trust and sense of connection with others down the line.

Who is it for?

In the wise words of Diane von Furstenberg: “The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself.” Which rings especially true for emphasizing who’s the main beneficiary of vulva mapping—you! 

But as with many things in the world of sex, the biggest perks of the practice can absolutely carry over to one’s bond with their partner as well. By knowing what you like and how you like it, being more comfortable with talking about sex and fostering even deeper feelings of mutual closeness and understanding, it’s a no-brainer that this personal growth from vulva mapping can bring major strengths to any relationship.

How To Explore It

For anyone interested in exploring vulva mapping for themselves, it’s time to finally find out exactly how.

First off, keep in mind that intention is everything. Because this is a “mindful” practice, it’s important to immerse yourself in the process, as opposed to treating it like just another task on the to-do list. Setting an intention (which can change along the way) of what you most want to get out of experience can help focus your energy and keep yourself truly present in the moment.

Next up: the tools. Whether you’re being intimate with a partner or by yourself, mood is everything. So set yourself up for success by ensuring your environment is comfortable and relaxing—no matter if it’s your bedroom, bathroom, or hey, even your fluffy couch. Once you have that down, grab a mirror, some lube and perhaps a little companion like the Zumio that can help mix up the stimulation. Zumio happens to be a great option due to its tiny tip and pressure-sensitive intensity. 

Take deep breaths, relax your body, get in a comfortable position and take a good look at what’s down there. If you have trouble staying wet, consider a lube, like pjur lubricants. Lube can also increase sensation, making the exploration all the more fun. If you want to have your partner explore with you, consider a massage leading up to get, as this helps ignite your senses and relax the muscles. Don’t skimp on the massage oil—Exsens makes our favorites. 

We all remember those health class diagrams, but seeing every part of your own vulva puts it into perspective. Distinguish between the mons pubis, the inner and outer labia and different parts of the clitoris, up through the vaginal opening, fourchette, perineum and finally the anus. There’s probably a lot more down there than you ever realized, so now, it’s time to get a feel for it. Literally!

Remember, stay relaxed, don’t hold your breath and, after slathering your fingers with lube or oil, start gently massaging yourself all over. Begin with your breasts, stomach and thighs, then ease your way down to the genital area. Slowly, softly stroke along the entire area, paying attention to all of the different parts. Meanwhile, keep your mirror at bay to watch how each section changes in appearance as you slowly get more aroused. 

Paying close attention to how your body reacts to individual stimulation of each area, you can gauge when you’re ready for more. Whether it’s more intense rubbing with your fingers or using a Zumio to really pinpoint your pleasure zones, continue experimenting with varying degrees of intensity throughout distinct parts of the vulva. If you run across any discomfort or extreme sensitivity, slowly work your way through it, lightly massaging the area and making sure to keep breathing.

While you’re at it, consider exploring other parts of your genitals for a truly well-rounded sexual experience. Kegels, or exercises for your PC muscles, can help strengthen and elongate your orgasms. Yarlap is a tool that actually does your kegels for you, and can be a great way for someone who needs a little reminder to exercise.

In the end, you want your body to feel at ease, embrace the sensual vibes, feel totally empowered and continuously comforted. It might end in orgasm, but that’s certainly not the main goal. By taking a tantalizing tour from top to bottom, the idea is to become hyperaware of what sensations your body is able to experience and unlock the pleasure potential that lies within.

And lastly, remember…

It’s about the journey, not the destination. And even though you’ve probably gotten your fix of cliché quotes by now, it’s an important one to keep in mind because vulva mapping is far from a one-and-done situation.

Think about the world of pleasure as a revolving door of possibility, and with that, practices like vulva mapping as ways to continue growing and learning new things about ourselves. Each time you do it, you’re even more equipped and evolved than the time before, so why not take the plunge to prioritize your pleasure and see where the voyage takes you?

This is the year of self-care, after all, so definitely consider adding vulva mapping to your rotation.

Alex Anderson is an LA-based lifestyle designer proactively raging against the cultural grain. By day she works in television production, and by night enjoys writing, sewing and seeking guidance from the stars. She also finally has an all black kitty named “Cher.” You can follow her alt-lifestyle blog MSFT Living and on Instagram!

Two people laying in bed and cuddling.Dear Emily,

In many of your Podcasts, I’ve heard you talk about  “Jackhammer Sex”, and how men should stop doing it immediately. After hearing it for the third or fourth time, I realized something. My partner is guilty of the Jackhammer, too! I thought it was totally normal to have sex this way, and didn’t really mind it, but now I’m wondering.  If not the jackhammer, then what? What are some alternatives to Jackhammer sex?

Thanks,
Jackhammered

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first sex toy

If you’re reading this article, then you’re probably looking into buying your first-ever sex toy. Congratulations! Buying your first toy can be an exciting experience; however, it can be equally parts frustrating. 

In today’s world, there are multiple different avenues for buying sex toys. If going into a physical storefront isn’t really your style, plenty of online marketplaces sell an array of sex toys to fit your needs and lifestyle. Whether you are shopping for a toy to use for yourself, one to use with a partner, a vibrator, a dildo, or anything in between, here is a guide to choose the best sex toy for you.

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Better Orgasms

 

Real talk: orgasms are the best. In addition to physically feeling amazing, a solid orgasm can help decrease stress, promote relaxation, and overall just leave us in a better mood. Still, like snowflakes, no orgasm is exactly like the other, and there are some magical moments where you feel as though you couldn’t have had a better orgasm.

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Have Good Sex

Let’s talk about vanilla sex. “Vanilla sex” or “vanilla” is often used to describe people whose sex lives are mainstream, plain, or boring. While kink and BDSM have been becoming more and more popular and hogging the sexual spotlight, vanilla sex is often left behind. Some people even use the term in a derogatory sense. But let me clue you in on a little secret: you don’t need to be kinky in order to have good sex. In fact, a pure vanilla experience can be one of the best flavors out there. 

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Kitchen sex

Being trapped inside with your partner during a pandemic will definitely take a toll on your sex life… Especially if you’re having the same sort of sex day in and day out or seeing the same sex tips over and over. Alternatively, maybe you’re living alone, bored with your vibrator, and looking for new ways to masturbate. (FYI, you’re not the only one.) 

Luckily, there are many creative ways to “get down” in every room of your house, regardless of whether you’re having sex solo or with a partner. See below for our top sex tips to exercise your creativity in and around the house. 

The Garage 

Are you feening to get out of the house? Don’t wanna use up your gas in the car? Well, you can still go for a ride, whether that be with a partner or by yourself. (Think of seatbelts as a new type of harness or sex swing… )

One of our favorite car positions is wrapping one’s ankles with the seatbelt to keep it in a desired, comfortable position during playtime. Something along the lines of the One Up is great for oral stimulation. You can use the seatbelt to keep the leg up, and you can put some pillows on the garage floor to maximize your partner’s comfort. 

The Kitchen

Getting x-rated in the kitchen can be as delicious as it is sexy. Ever use chocolate syrup? Or whipped cream? If you’re not a sweets person, what about sushi? (Very Samantha from Sex in the City of you.) 

The kitchen is also filled with opportunity for levels—whether that’s the kitchen counter, table, or chairs. Maybe one person is laying on the counter and the other is standing, or you get intimate with some fun on the chair. (Can be done with the partner or solo!) Either way, doing anything sexual in the kitchen can feel very erotic, as it’s typically an unconventional place for anything sexy. Just be sure to wipe down the countertops afterward…  

Living Room

Get out of your house (and rekindle your childhood) by building a fort in your living room. In fact, you can create a whole new world and explore a wide variety of new positions in your fort. (If you need some guidance on how to build a fort in your living room, here’s a handy step-by-step.) 

With a plethora of comfy pillows beneath you, you and your partner will both feel like you’re surrounded by softness, and you can use the extra fluff to access new positions. Enjoy the intimacy of the small enclosed space for mutual or solo masturbation—the close quarters should make it feel all the more erotic. Talk about orgasmic!

The Office

You may not be going into work, but that doesn’t mean you can’t apply these sex tips to the office and get bent over your desk. Getting it on in your home office allows you to utilize furniture pieces that typically don’t see too much action. 

Start out with a work themed lap dance. Have your partner sit in the office chair while you slowly undress to whatever makes you feel sexiest. When your partner is all hot and bothered, don’t call HR, just rock their world in the office chair.

Bathroom

Shower sex may get a bit tricky, but it’s a great location for foreplay. Draw a luxurious bath for you and your partner or prep a nice steamy shower. Have them join you and then slowly lather them up in suds, taking extra time to feel one another’s bodies.

Bathing with a partner can be highly intimate and even more erotic. Set the mood with some nice lighting and candles. When you both are lathered, rinsed, repeated, and ready hop out of the shower or bath and lotion/oil each other up. A sensual massage is a great segway to some highly arousing sex.

Regardless of how long we are staying inside, a little bit of imagination, some creativity, and communication can transform your sex life can still be something new.

— 

Javay da BAE is a sex educator, content creator, writer, and comedian. She is also known as the Millennial Sexpert. Her sex education work focuses on comprehension and inclusion while being accessible. She specializes in LGBTQIA+ identities, STIs, pleasure, and kink/BDSM. Visit JavaydaBAE.com to see her work.

butt sex blog sex with emily

Regardless of how “adventurous” you consider yourself in the bedroom, butt sex can feel tricky to even the most experienced. But to anyone who thinks it’s doggy style or bust, it’s time to think again, my friends! 

Anal August is coming to a close, and it’s our goal to spend the month paying tribute to the world of backdoor play. As social stigmas surrounding it have begun to melt further away, there’s no denying it’s something a lot of people are growing more curious to try. However, if you aren’t yet an ace when it comes to anal, it’s important to know there are a ton of different ways to do it – positions, most definitely included. 

So how do you figure out which one will make and not break the experience? Well, it often depends on your experience level. But no matter how well versed in the art of butt play you may or may not be, we totally have your back with this master list of favorite anal sex-friendly positions.

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rimming blog sex with emilyWe’re move through the month of Anal August. We’re exploring cheek to cheek. So let’s talk about getting up close and personal with the anus, by the way of rimming.

Analingus, or rimming, is the art of pleasuring the backdoor orally. It’s been an under the sheets practice, and now that it’s out in the open, let’s dive into some fun moves! We’re going to explore why it’s becoming so popular, how to get over the b-hole jitters, plus techniques, tips, and tricks to toss the salad. Continue Reading

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