The Dos and Don’ts of Anal

dos and donts of anal blog sex with emily

dos and donts of anal blog sex with emilyHappy Anal August everyone! As the days again begin to get shorter, it can feel like time for change! Whether that’s going back to school, getting a new haircut, or diving into something new sexually. For a lot of people, that something sexually new can be a first-time entry into the backdoor. 

So after you have thoroughly washed your backdoor and prepared yourself mentally, let’s get to the fun stuff and break down the dos and don’ts of anal!

DO Be Chill and Understanding

When you’re havin’ fun in the bum, accidents can happen. Sometimes it’s a surprise toot. Sometimes it’s a little bit more than that. But no matter how many slip ups you have, you and your partner are still being vulnerable and intimate together. If your partner is the recipient, know that you might be a part of clean up crew, and don’t give them a chance to be embarrassed! Reassure each other that everything’s okay, and that everything’s chill. 


DON’T Shame Your Partner

Anal is an intimate activity. It takes trust and vulnerability to engage in.  There’s a lot of stigma and societal pressure around being pleasured anally. Making your partner feel insecure about it will be the end of it, and it’s also just not very nice. Start with some backdoor foreplay, use encouraging language and never shame your partner. Emotional and mental lubrication is just as important as the physical stuff.


DO Research Your Lube

Now that you know you’re not going in dry, put in a little effort into finding the perfect lube. All lubricants are not created equal, and I would caution you to stay away from your average petroleum jelly or drug store brands. Every person’s body reacts to different products. The key to a healthy and enjoyable anal sex adventure is preparation and experimentation. Our official lube of Anal August is pjur Backdoor. It’s a silicone-based lube that’s super silky and contains jojoba which relaxes muscles for maximum pleasure.


DON’T Have A Dry Run

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT go in dry. I know you’ve probably seen a lot of porn where the person diving in just uses a dribble of spit and then they’re off to the races. Buttholes don’t create their own lubrication like a mouth or a vagina does.  Plus the anal entryway is like a donut of muscle. Just like a cold rubber band, if you pull too hard at first before warming it up, it can snap, crackle or pop. A torn backside is painful. Go slow and start with fingers first, then when you’re ready and lubed up, graduate to bigger things.


DO Maximize the P-Spot

And here we are at the reason for the season – the prostate. For all peoples, the nerve endings in the anus are rife for pleasure. There is another step in this pleasure process though, and that is the prostate. Massaging the prostate not only creates more powerful orgasms, but it can also lead to a different and more intense type of pleasure. If your partner can’t handle an entire member, maybe start with a smaller butt plug, vibrator, or dildo. Or use your finger to digitally stimulate that sweet sweet spot. 


DON’T Rock Too Hard

Once you’re in, do NOT do what you see in porn which is immediately starting to jackhammer. The backdoor has an incredible amount of nerve endings that may be like ‘what are you doing here??’ at first. Go slow. Let your partner get acclimated to the space. If they say stop or go slow, listening to their needs. Respect your partner’s boundaries. Even if you don’t make it all the way to take off, at least you got to walk around the airport for a bit. 


DO Communicate and Get Consent

Some people love surprises –  a birthday, a spontaneous vacation, a new puppy. The last DO is also kind of a DON’T. You want to make sure that you are communicating constantly and that consent is clear on both sides. This means do NOT surprise your partner with anal. Don’t think just because you’ve done it before means it’s open season on the backyard. Anal should always be consented to before you pop the turkey in the oven unless you have discussed that spontaneity beforehand. 


Heed these dos and don’ts and you’ll have a big head start on your way to backdoor pleasure. Always remember that anal play is as much an exercise in trust and deeper connection as it is sexual adventure and… deeper connection.



Lumi Park is a writer, foodie, and Capricorn, from the cornfields of Ohio. He once won a NYC bartending award, a Brooklyn-wide comic book Trivia Bowl, and went to nationals two years in a year for the sport of jump roping. He is oddly not competitive. 

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