Dear Emily,

Do you have any idea on how to do reverse cowgirl in a way that feels good? I love the way it looks (so does my partner) but it’s not the most pleasurable. Any tips?

Jordan

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Dear Jordan,

I’ve got you! Reverse cowgirl is one of those sex positions that feels experimental, even while being relatively accessible. It’s a twist on cowgirl, where the penetrating partner lies down, and the receiving partner climbs on top. But in this case, the receiving partner is turned backwards. People love it because:

• It provides a nice view of the booty
• The penetrating partner can place their hands on their partner’s hips
• It works for vulva or anal play
• The receiving partner can set the rhythm

If reverse cowgirl isn’t creating any fireworks for you though, that’s OK. I find this is one that takes a little practice and communication to feel comfortable. But if you’re ready to get back in the saddle, here are my top hacks for how to do reverse cowgirl in a way that feels as good as it looks. 

Start slow.

If the penetrating partner has a penis, this position asks their suspensory ligaments to stretch slightly. So once the receiving partner is turned around, straddling their partner’s legs, have them lower down gradually. Before anyone starts thrusting, start off with a slow rock. 

Have the top partner set the pace.

Receiving partners don’t always get to control the rhythm, which is why reverse cowgirl feels fresh. Since this is a position that works best if one person sets the pace, have the top be in charge. Once you’re both feeling comfortable, the penetrating partner can get more involved, which brings me too…

Hands: Don’t forget about them.

In this position, the penetrating partner has an excellent opportunity to grab their partner’s hips, or to prop themselves up on one elbow, and use the other hand to reach around. If you’re performing anal play and the receiving partner has a penis, you can use the free hand for digital stimulation. If the receiving partner has a vulva, the freed-up fingers can stimulate the clitoris. Either way: good times, partner.

Look over your shoulder. 

Positions like these, where one partner is facing away, can feel exciting and mysterious—you’re listening to each other, even though you can’t make eye contact. But sometimes, it’s nice to turn around, and give each other a conspiratorial smile. If you’re the top partner, try turning around every now and then to catch their eye. 

Use sex toys. 

Back to hands: the receiving partner has totally free hands here, so why not use them for even more sensation? A vibrator (used on themselves) can be hot. But reverse cowgirl is also a great opportunity for strap-on sex and/or anal play, since the top has so much control over depth. 

Try a seated variation.

Instead of trying it on the bed, you can also practice reverse cowgirl in a chair or on the edge of a bed. In this position, have the penetrating partner sit down, feet touching the floor, while the receiving partner sits down on their lap, facing forward. This variation is preferable for many, because the penetrating partner is nice and close: i.e., can easily use their hands to play with breasts or pecs, grab their partner’s thighs, etc. 

I hope these ideas help! Reverse cowgirl is popular for a reason: deep penetration, sexy grind, and free hands. But if it’s still not your thing, that’s alright. There are so many sex positions to explore, that you’re sure to find one that works for your body. Have fun! 

xx,

Emily