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Shame

Truth: this year has been HARD on relationships. Luckily, sex educator, author, licensed therapist, and my dear friend Jamye Waxman is here to help! For those struggling to connect right now, Jamye gives different methods for checking in with your partner, rekindling the magic, and keeping a relationship strong over time.  
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dos and donts of anal blog sex with emilyHappy Anal August everyone! As the days again begin to get shorter, it can feel like time for change! Whether that’s going back to school, getting a new haircut, or diving into something new sexually. For a lot of people, that something sexually new can be a first-time entry into the backdoor. 

So after you have thoroughly washed your backdoor and prepared yourself mentally, let’s get to the fun stuff and break down the dos and don’ts of anal!

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sex number blog sex with emilyWhen starting a sexual relationship with someone, there is one dreaded question that inevitably comes up in your coital conversations. What’s your number? The number of people that you’ve had sex with somehow always comes into question and it can be a nerve-wracking question to answer. 

I recently experienced something of a crisis while pondering my own sexual identity, and thought of this question. I could not, for the life of me remember the number of people I have had sex with.  Up until this point I felt that I had kept fairly meticulous mental record of “my number.”  I remember when it was 2, I remember when it was 10, I even remember my favorite number, 15.

Somewhere after 20, however, I irretrievably lost count. I tried to make a list, crossing off “almosts” and writing question marks next to forgotten names. But alas, my list-making was to no avail. I began to question the validity of my own memory and whether some of these sexual encounters were figments of my fear, fantasy or imagination. Continue Reading

shame blog sex with emilyHave you ever had ‘that feeling’ after masturbating? You know the one. That sense of dread, or that feeling of guilty shame. Have you ever climaxed, looked at what you were watching and felt truly disgusted with your nasty gutter brain.

Well, it turns out, those feelings come from a bunch of different places. It can be psychological, trauma-based, cultural, or generational.  But somehow, so often, shame surrounds masturbation.

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scared of sex blog sex with emily

Photo by Alexandra Gorn on Unsplash

Dear Emily,

So my issue is I am afraid of sex!
 
I was raised to believe that sex before marriage is a TERRIBLE sin, and I’m stuck with associating sex, in general, with feelings of shame and guilt. 
 
I don’t even want to think about marriage until I’m at least 25, which seems way too old to still be a virgin! I’m worried that when I actually get serious with a guy I won’t be able to get over these feelings of shame and fear. Please help!
 
Sincerely, 
Lucy

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