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Woman and man holding vibrator on a bed
Dear Dr. Emily,
I’m wondering if it’s okay to always bring in a clitoral vibrator into the bedroom? It’s the only way I can orgasm, but I don’t want to hurt my partner’s feelings or have them think I’m weird. Thank you! 
Feeling the Vibes

Hi Feeling the Vibes, 

I love that you’re using toys and know what your body needs to feel pleasure. It can be difficult for women to orgasm in the first place, so you’re already on the right track.

There is nothing shameful about using a clitoral vibrator! I mean, you’re experiencing pleasure, right? Many vulva and vibrator owners keep their toys to themselves out of fear of rejection or offending their partner. But I say, why NOT give your partner a chance to see what the magic is all about?

Like anything, start by being mindful of how to start the conversation. Best not to overwhelm them or pull it out without much warning. Remember the three T’s of communication: timing, tone, and turf. Bring it up outside of the bedroom and start by having a casual and playful conversation. Maybe start with a specific thing you love or memory you have about your sex life with them. Be honest and open about your experience with toys. Explain that you think toys might be a fun way to increase the pleasure even more for both of you.

Once you’ve had an open conversation now you can start playing.  I always find it helps to show my partner how it works, even demonstrating on their body so they get a sense of how amazing vibrations can feel, no matter what parts you have! 

Get creative, and even let them take control—the We-Vibe Chorus is a great clitoral vibrator for couples and can be totally hands-free. Maybe bring out some massage oil, like Exsens. You can massage their body and start to tease them with the vibe. Once they know how good it feels, they’ll better understand why you love it so much.

There’s no shame in always needing a vibrator, but I would also encourage you to keep experimenting. Our brain memorizes masturbation patterns, so it may take time and effort to discover new methods.

And of course, have lots of fun. Many couples find that bringing a toy into their relationship not only enhances pleasure but also strengthens their intimacy. Happy vibing!

xx,

Dr. Emily

cum harder and faster blog sex with emilyDuring this pandemic, people are picking up new skills left and right. We’re learning how to cook, painting our walls, finding new hobbies that we didn’t have time for before lockdown. Finding joy even in little moments is important right now. Making pleasure for ourselves is key.

Studies show that pleasure can be a stress buffer. In other words, people who are under higher stress tend to be healthier and have lower mortality rates if they incorporate pleasure into their lives.

We experience pleasure through the body, so it’s natural to look for things that you can do with your body to increase the amount of pleasure you experience. The number one thing you can do with or without a partner to bring more pleasure through your body is…yep…orgasm.

Now, I know lots of people are out there trying to help you orgasm better, but I have found some different techniques that are unique and might help you climax even faster and harder! Here are some tips I learned from my own pandemic pleasure practice.

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In this episode, Emily talks to Sex With Emily regular, psychological astrologer, Dr. Jennifer Freed, to give us her monthly Astro-Sex Forecast, so listen for your sign (and your partner’s too!). Emily and Jennifer also talk about mindfulness and the power of kissing. Too much or not enough tongue? It’s kissing 101!
Click Here to Subscribe.

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sexual independence blog sex with emilySexual independence is all about taking control of your own pleasure. There may be other people involved in the process, but when it comes down to it, your pleasure is your prerogative. 

You may expect your partner to pick you up from the airport. You probably expect them to remember your birthday and to fix the shower curtain that they broke. Yet, I’m sorry to tell you, you can’t expect your partner to be responsible for your orgasms.

In movies and TV, sex usually looks like three or four thrusts followed by simultaneously orgasming. Of course, anyone that’s ever had sex knows that it usually takes a little bit more than that to really get sent over the edge. And while you may want your partner to whisk you away and do what they will with you, the truth is, when it comes to your orgasms, you’re the one in charge. Here’s how to take control of your own pleasure.

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