It’s no mystery that things have been more stressful than usual these days. When life feels chaotic, our relationships and sex lives tend to suffer, and so it’s important to reset the mind and focus on the present. That’s why I’ve brought on my therapist Dr. Anadel Barbour to discuss the coping mechanisms and mindfulness techniques I use to reignite my best self.
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What exactly is the allure of the sexy schoolgirl role? Maybe it’s the innocent impulsivity or the inherent nerdiness. Maybe it’s the idea of a “brat,” or an inner smarty pants that’s dying to make an appearance. Or maybe it’s simply the innate power dynamic between student and teacher. (BTW—don’t make this weird. We’re obviously talking about consenting adults role-playing here.)
Whatever the reason, many find it extremely hot to experiment with a schoolgirl/teacher dynamic. Below are our top ideas for those willing and ready to dive into this exciting role-play scenario.
Look the part
If you want to bring out your inner school girl, you need to be a “good girl” and don the uniform. Where would a sexy schoolgirl be without the classic plaid, pleated short skirt? It’s irresistible and puts you in the right headspace for some flirty fun.
Corrupt the rest of your outfit by putting on a white button-up shirt and tying the ends high around your waist. Try out a lacy bra or go without—either can be super sexy. Finish the look with some knee-high socks and Mary Jane shoes. And if you’ve got the heart for it, why not go for pigtails?
Practice your pout
Part of the sexy schoolgirl aesthetic is body language. Perfect your pout by laying on some thick clear lip gloss and pucker up! To get even more into it, open your eyes wide, lift your voice a tad higher, and cross your arms. (You might even consider sucking on a lollipop or blowing bubblegum.)
Cock your head to one side and give your Dom a sly smile. They won’t be able to resist.
Role-play with your partner
To really amp things up, have your sexual partner play a role of their own. You can have them be the “teacher.” Maybe they make you stand in the corner or send you to get punished by the “headmaster.” Respond by throwing a temper tantrum. Then demand something you want. Or better yet, be coy and beg.
If you’re into BDSM, consider role-playing with some dominance/submission (i.e., “power exchange”) with your partner being the dominant (they could be a “daddy” or a “sir” or “teacher” or anyone in authority). If you’re okay with it, include some impact play, like a spanking.
Another great way to role-play the sexy schoolgirl is to become a “brat.” Make some sassy comments to your partner and refuse to go along with anything they say. (Other tips for being a “brat”: be late, chew gum obnoxiously, roll your eyes and say “whatever”…)
In any case, bringing out your inner brat can amp up your sexy, rebellious side and may also help you get “punished” by your partner—in a great way.
Text like a teen.
If you want to role-play with your partner, a fun way to do that is to text NSFW pics to them in your uniform, especially at inappropriate times of the day. You can tease your partner with a pouty pic or beg for some sort of frivolous gift that a teen might ask for. If your partner texts you to do something, say “no.” Maybe you’ll get punished for it later.
Be a badass.
Sexy schoolgirls know what’s what. Even if you are doing some consensual age play in your dynamic, your inner schoolgirl is smart AF and knows herself. Embody your smartest (even nerdiest) self when you put on your uniform. Knowledge is power. You can even “school” your partner on feminist ideals as you flirt and pout your way to getting what you want (in the bedroom and out).
Remember, this is consensual role-play—your inner schoolgirl is a fun, playful side of you that is simultaneously powerful and intelligent.
Unleash your erotic, innocent self.
Sex is how adults “play,” and play in the bedroom can be a cornerstone to opening up your erotic self to your partner.
As Esther Perel puts it: “Eroticism isn’t sex; it’s sexuality transformed by the human imagination.” Use your imagination and let your inner innocence come out in the bedroom through simply being playful. That’s part of the schoolgirl charm. Touch and play with your body as if you are discovering it for the first time. Bring in some fun toys, like a ruler to be spanked with, or a vibrator to play with solo or with a partner to tease you with or to “show you the ropes.” It’s all in the spirit of unleashing your erotic innocence.
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Emily Anne is a bestselling author, sex coach, and educator, who specializes in helping people expand their sexual horizons through BDSM and kink. When she’s not obsessively talking about sex, she’s hiking through the Hollywood Hills. Get some sexy education on her Instagram feed.
As many of you know, I’m obsessed with communication so it only makes sense that we look at word choice when talking about sex. In this epsiode, I meet with Amanda Montell, linguist and author of Wordslut: A Feminist Guide to Taking Back the English Language, to explore the greater meaning, power, and historical importance of the words we chose to use. Plus, we delve into the origins of gendered slang like ‘vajayjay’ and offer positive alternatives to the current words in our sexual dictionary.
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At this point, it’s pretty obvious that “self-care” has become one of the hottest buzzwords on the internet. (Particularly during a time when we’re all hunkering down and don’t have much else to do besides facemasks and Netflix binges). That said, in the myriad activities that fall under the self-care umbrella, sexual self-care practices are too often thrown to the wayside.
Furthermore, what even *is* sexual self-care? No, it’s not v-steaming (jury is still out on that one), nor is it given your penis a face mask. (Is that even a thing?) Sexual self-care is understanding your sexual needs and desires and making an effort to understand and check in on your sexual preferences. It also includes doing things to proactively nurture and sustain your sexual health. Below are some of our top tips for maximizing and prioritizing sexual self-care.
Establish a routine.
Whether you’re trying to sustain a meditation practice or a workout regime, routines have been proven to help folks stay on track with their goals. And so it makes sense to incorporate a ritual (even a small one) in order to prioritize your sexual self-care. This could look like setting aside 15 minutes every day for a sensual shower or masturbation session. Maybe you take a look in the mirror and practice positive affirmations to help you navigate through insecurities.
In any case, making time each and every day to practice sexual self-care can leave you feeling empowered and pleasured.
Notice and work through sexual shame.
If you have shame surrounding sex, you are NOT alone. Many of us were shamed for something we did as a child or came from a fear-based sex education program. Shame can also occur at any moment in our life—like if a partner told you that you were “loose” or laughed at your penis.
Part of sexual self-care involves working through shame and rekindling a sense of confidence. Finding confidence looks different for everyone, but we suggest making a list of the things that make you feel GOOD and PROUD in your body. If your shame stems from a specific or repeated issue, therapy can also be a wonderful option.
There’s also no shame in looking for help from products or tools. A lot of our penis-owning audience report on feeling inadequate because they climax early, or can’t stay hard. (If this is you, you’re not alone.) Products like Promescent delay spray can be a wonderful asset in helping you last longer in bed and have a better, more pleasurable experience with your partner, ultimately fostering connection and confidence. If you’re a vulva-owner and having trouble reaching orgasm, you might consider adding a small vibrator to the bedroom. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with using a toy during partnered sex, and you might actually find that it brings you and your partner closer together!
Do your kegels.
Consider the kegel like a yoga class for your genitals—seriously. When you practice kegels, your pelvic floor muscles become stronger and you become more mindful about your sexual pleasure. This is important because over time, or due to circumstances like pregnancy, childbirth, or weight gain, the pelvic floor can weaken, leading to discomfort or even urinary incontinence.
Enter the kegel. Kegels are great in that they help improve blood circulation to the pelvic floor, increase arousal, and strengthen your orgasms. (We like that.) And contrary to popular belief, kegels are not just for women and vulva-owners! Men can do them too. For all genders, start by making sure your bladder is empty, then sit or lie down. Tighten the pelvic floor muscles, then hold tight and county for 3 to 5 seconds. Relax the muscles and count for another 3 to 5 seconds. Repeat 10 times, three times a day!
If you REALLY want to amp up your kegel game, we highly recommend calling in some reinforcements, specifically Yarlap. It’s an award-winning kegel exercise device that basically does the workout for you and ensures you’re doing it correctly. And when you’re committed to your kegels, you’re committed to your sexual health.
Think proactively about your health.
We’d be remiss not to include the health portion of sexual health here. Whether we’re talking about testing for or avoiding STIs, proper hygiene, or general safer sex practices, an ounce of prevention always beats a pound of cure. This starts with being prepared and proactive.
Communicate your health-conscious decisions with your partners (always without shame or blame) and make sure you’re both on the same page. Don’t ever be afraid to ask someone about STIs or utilize condoms, but avoid using words like clean or dirty as they contribute to certain stigmas associated with STIs.
If you’re a vulva-owner, you’re also susceptible to things like yeast infections, BV, and UTIs. In addition to peeing after sex and wearing clean underwear, you might consider adding a supplement like Uqora to your post-sex routine. It’s a drink mix that was developed by a chronic UTI sufferer as a proactive and healthy way to flush the urinary tract after sex, exercise, or anytime you need extra support.
Trust us, when you’re confident you’re doing what you can to stay healthy, you’ll be able to enjoy sex without stress, which is definitely a form of self-care.
Get regular check-ups and talk to the professionals.
While we’re on the topic of protecting yourself sexually, be sure to get your parts checked out! Regular check-ups with medical professionals are a crucial aspect of maintaining sexual health and therefore a great way to practice proper sexual self-care. If you don’t vibe with your doctor, or you don’t feel like you’re getting the info you need, find a new one. Your time is valuable and should not be wasted on doctors who won’t give you the love and attention you deserve.
When our penis-owning or male-identifying friends are experiencing sexual deficiencies, a trip to the doctor may be what’s needed—but not wanted. Thankfully there are male-focused telemedicine services like New England Low-T Center that specialize in testosterone optimization and vitamin therapies, all of which are handled virtually. Whether it’s fatigue, low libido, or sexual performance concerns, they can help you sort it out without stepping foot in an exam room.
Prioritize pleasure.
One of the best ways to practice sexual self-care? More masturbation. And if you’re thinking, but I already have a great masturbation routine, consider mixing it up! Trying a new method means learning about your body and your desires, which is a great way of caring for your sexuality.
There are SO many great toys we could recommend, but if you don’t own a Magic Wand, get on that. It’s a toy that belongs atop everyone’s nightstand, and is great for both solo and partnered play. This is the Cadillac of vibrators. The cream of the crop. Your clitoris (or your lover’s) won’t know what hit ‘em.
At the end of the day, the most important thing you can do to practice sexual self-care is make time for you and your sexual self. Recognize that sex is an important part of our lives and that you deserve to feel seen, understood, and educated when it comes to your sexuality. Now go get some “you” time.
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Amanda Kohr is the Content Coordinator at Sex With Emily. Find her via Instagram at @cozycarvan.
On today’s throwback show, I’m revisiting my 2018 interview with Elizabeth Kott & Stephanie Simbari from the That’s So Retrograde podcast. We talk about mindfulness, wellness & how it relates to your relationships both with yourself and a partner.
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You’ve heard me talk about the importance of a woman’s orgasm but you’re still wondering, ‘what about men?’ On today’s show, I give tips and tricks for both genders on how to achieve their most powerful orgasm yet. Then, I share toys specifically for male pleasure.
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Sometimes, sex isn’t the easiest thing to talk about, especially when you’re young. As we grow up, teachers, families, and mentors are a wellspring of experience and knowledge that we siphon information from on the way toward adulthood. But one thing that would make for better sex ed is understanding the concept and understanding of sexuality.
After all, how many adults today have been properly educated about the social, emotional, and psychological components of entering sexual adulthood? How many of us have been formally taught comprehensive sexuality? Whether or not you have, our sexuality is a crucial part of our development, and access to this education should be widespread and accessible.
The Sex-Ed I Remember…
When you think of classic sex-ed in middle school or high school, what do you remember? For me, there’s one day in class that immediately comes to mind. My science teacher put in the VHS tape labeled “The Miracle Of Birth.” I giggled uncontrollably along with the rest of my 7th-grade class and watched the whole bloody “miracle” through my fingers. At the time, it was utter nightmare material. Only years later did I realize this video showing was less about education and more about fear. It was a tactic meant to scare me away from sex, not educate me about having it.
Leading up to this rite of middle-school passage, we got a brief biological explanation of the physical act of sex and its purpose as it relates to the procreation of species. I was lucky enough to also be given a little information regarding contraception and STIs. This was all definitely important stuff, but there is so much more to be learned about sex than anatomy and physiology. What we need is age-appropriate, comprehensive sexuality education. But what exactly is that?
What is Sexuality Education?
The study of sexuality is an ever-evolving process. The more we learn about ourselves as a species, the more we have to teach our youth. So there’s no one correct and complete definition of Comprehensive Sexuality Education.
The idea is to extend the teaching beyond the limiting themes of abstinence and anatomy. It’s to empower and encourage young and/or sexually inexperienced people to learn about components of sex that have been traditionally labeled as “taboo” or in some cases, irreligious. It’s teaching that instead of something that happens TO you, sex will be something you will determine for yourself. Yes, it’s sex. But it’s also sexual health, sexual identity, and sexual wellbeing and so much more.
So let’s get a little more specific. What are some components you might find in a Comprehensive Sexuality Curriculum?
Gender Identity and Orientation
Gender is a complex, hot-button issue right now socially and politically. As our society progresses, the concept and definition of gender are almost constantly in question. A fully-formed education on sexuality would address the role of gender norms in our society, and the idea of gender as a social construct. This includes the expectations and values that we place on ourselves and each other with regard to perceived gender.
It also extends to gender biases and gender inequality. Of course, a parent can raise their child how they want and can instill their own values into their offspring. But young people should at least be taught what the terms cisgender, agender, non-binary or transgender mean if for any other reason, to perpetuate the principle of acceptance and inclusivity.
Beyond gender, learning about sexual orientation and identity should also be a huge component of sexuality education. LGBTQ+ youth are among the most bullied and alienated kids in the world. More often than not, they suffer this torment without even knowing what’s happening in their psyche. The spectrum of sexual identity and attraction is becoming common knowledge. In all education, diversity should be celebrated through positivity and appreciation. Just as we laud diversity of race, religion, and ability, we should also laud diversity of orientation and identity.
Pleasure
Contrary to popular belief, this DOES NOT mean teaching young people how to experience sexual pleasure. Adding the concept of pleasure to sexuality education means positively encouraging young people to seek enjoyable sexual experiences.
Let’s be honest, sexual curiosity is born from a biological urge to seek pleasure. This is not a secret we should keep hidden away from the unknowing. If we’re truthful about healthy sexual behavior, we’ll be working against negative feelings of shame and guilt around sex. Sex is a natural part of adulthood, and young people shouldn’t feel intimidated or scared of it. Nor should they feel guilty for wanting to feel good, whether it’s through masturbation or partnered sexual activity.
Contraception & STI safety
Safe sex might sound like an obvious topic to cover in sex ed. But get this: In actuality, only 39 states mandate HIV education. And only 22 states are required to teach HIV education that is “medically accurate”. That means that teachers are legally allowed to lie to students about HIV.
When it comes to contraception, only “20 states require provision of information on contraception,” while “39 states require provision of information on abstinence.” Sure, this is an improvement from the days where abstinence was the only method of birth control that any educator spoke of. The truth is, however, that in many parts of the country, this is still the case.
There are still 9 states with absolutely no requirements of sex or HIV education. Within those 9 states, 5 of them are listed in the Top 12 states with the highest teen birth rates. The reality is that teenagers are going to have sex. It is their right to be educated on how to do it safely and responsibly.
Puberty & Body Acceptance
An often overlooked component of sexuality education is a detailed understanding of how the human body changes during adolescence. Puberty is weird, uncomfortable, and confusing! Any level of understanding would, I’m sure, be welcomed by your average pimple-faced, armpit-sniffing teen.
Biologically, puberty is a precursor to reproductive maturity. Hormonal and bodily changes that teens and pre-teens go through are directly related to their sexual experience. Understanding the function of all the weird things happening can help young people walk through this transition with less shame and more acceptance.
Consent and Sexual Exploitation
If there’s one thing that I would have benefitted most from in sex education class, it would have been consent. It is unbelievably pertinent to the sex lives and sexual safety of young people. As a young person exploring my own sexuality, I found myself in so many situations in which my consent was compromised or unclear. At the time, I blamed myself for being fickle or careless or slutty. When in fact, I was just uneducated.
I wasn’t alone. Most of us weren’t taught the importance of intention and integrity when it comes to sex. And far too many times, things got out of hand and out of control.
Young people fall victim to sexual exploitation every day. One place where this is extremely evident is on college campuses where one in five women experience sexual assault. It’s imperative that we teach sexual safety in order to reduce this number and promote healthy interactions between sexual partners.
Healthy Relationships & Romance
Ah, puppy love. Learning to form our first adult relationships happens early for some. If that growth were accompanied by lessons learned about how to have healthy relationships, imagine how many traumatic experiences could be avoided.
Sexuality education would address the ways in which sex, love, and dating are both related and independent from each other. Handling the emotions that occur alongside sexual desire could potentially curb heartbreak, rage, and maybe even save a few young love stories from sad endings.
Whether love is happening or not, the emotional component of sex should not be ignored. It should be explored, studied, and paid attention in an encouraging and positive environment.
Why Do We Need It?
We need comprehensive sexuality education because quite frankly, it doesn’t exist. Not on a large enough scale where its benefits can be measured and calculated.
Our society is progressing. Growth is inevitable. Our standards of sexual education should mirror the progress that we are showing. Think about the good it could do. Maybe comprehensive sexuality education would help a trans kid to rethink their suicidal ideation. Maybe it would save a young girl from being a victim of revenge porn. Maybe a son or daughter or person could teach their parents something that they never knew about acceptance and identity. After all, knowledge is power, right?
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Laurie Magers is a comedy writer and actor living in Los Angeles. Her favorite color is red and her favorite food is crab legs. Check out more from her at www.lauriemagers.com.
Today I’m talking with sex, kink, and relationship educator Sarah Sloane from the dating app #Open about the reality of cuckolding, dating effectively after divorce and reigniting the connection with your partner.
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Today I’m talking with certified sexuality coach Shani Hart about how to keep yourself satisfied while you take care of your partner. Shani also gives us her helpful oral sex philosophy, tips for using toys together and talks about the importance of representation in the sex industry.
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Being trapped inside with your partner during a pandemic will definitely take a toll on your sex life… Especially if you’re having the same sort of sex day in and day out or seeing the same sex tips over and over. Alternatively, maybe you’re living alone, bored with your vibrator, and looking for new ways to masturbate. (FYI, you’re not the only one.)
Luckily, there are many creative ways to “get down” in every room of your house, regardless of whether you’re having sex solo or with a partner. See below for our top sex tips to exercise your creativity in and around the house.
The Garage
Are you feening to get out of the house? Don’t wanna use up your gas in the car? Well, you can still go for a ride, whether that be with a partner or by yourself. (Think of seatbelts as a new type of harness or sex swing… )
One of our favorite car positions is wrapping one’s ankles with the seatbelt to keep it in a desired, comfortable position during playtime. Something along the lines of the One Up is great for oral stimulation. You can use the seatbelt to keep the leg up, and you can put some pillows on the garage floor to maximize your partner’s comfort.
The Kitchen
Getting x-rated in the kitchen can be as delicious as it is sexy. Ever use chocolate syrup? Or whipped cream? If you’re not a sweets person, what about sushi? (Very Samantha from Sex in the City of you.)
The kitchen is also filled with opportunity for levels—whether that’s the kitchen counter, table, or chairs. Maybe one person is laying on the counter and the other is standing, or you get intimate with some fun on the chair. (Can be done with the partner or solo!) Either way, doing anything sexual in the kitchen can feel very erotic, as it’s typically an unconventional place for anything sexy. Just be sure to wipe down the countertops afterward…
Living Room
Get out of your house (and rekindle your childhood) by building a fort in your living room. In fact, you can create a whole new world and explore a wide variety of new positions in your fort. (If you need some guidance on how to build a fort in your living room, here’s a handy step-by-step.)
With a plethora of comfy pillows beneath you, you and your partner will both feel like you’re surrounded by softness, and you can use the extra fluff to access new positions. Enjoy the intimacy of the small enclosed space for mutual or solo masturbation—the close quarters should make it feel all the more erotic. Talk about orgasmic!
The Office
You may not be going into work, but that doesn’t mean you can’t apply these sex tips to the office and get bent over your desk. Getting it on in your home office allows you to utilize furniture pieces that typically don’t see too much action.
Start out with a work themed lap dance. Have your partner sit in the office chair while you slowly undress to whatever makes you feel sexiest. When your partner is all hot and bothered, don’t call HR, just rock their world in the office chair.
Bathroom
Shower sex may get a bit tricky, but it’s a great location for foreplay. Draw a luxurious bath for you and your partner or prep a nice steamy shower. Have them join you and then slowly lather them up in suds, taking extra time to feel one another’s bodies.
Bathing with a partner can be highly intimate and even more erotic. Set the mood with some nice lighting and candles. When you both are lathered, rinsed, repeated, and ready hop out of the shower or bath and lotion/oil each other up. A sensual massage is a great segway to some highly arousing sex.
Regardless of how long we are staying inside, a little bit of imagination, some creativity, and communication can transform your sex life can still be something new.
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Javay da BAE is a sex educator, content creator, writer, and comedian. She is also known as the Millennial Sexpert. Her sex education work focuses on comprehension and inclusion while being accessible. She specializes in LGBTQIA+ identities, STIs, pleasure, and kink/BDSM. Visit JavaydaBAE.com to see her work.
