Getting Spiritual With Your Sexuality
Candles. Crystals. Meditation. Yoga. Prayer. Reading a new age, self-help book. All these things sound great, but how could they possibly be related to sex?
Well, you might be surprised. Let’s dive in to the intersection between sex and spirituality.
For centuries, the Taoists and mystics and other spiritual teachings have included sex as a spiritual practice. Things like tantra, meditation, spiritual sex and “sex magic” have all explored the intersection between sexuality and spirituality.
Sex involves the interplay of energy, which inherently adds a spiritual element. You may not realize it, but you probably chose your life partners, friends-with-benefits, or casual encounters by sussing out their energy, whether it was conscious or not.
Knowing this, maybe it is time you did some “soul searching” about what sex means to your mind, body and, well, soul. If you don’t really consider yourself a spiritual person or you think all of this is “woo woo,” – totally ok. Just try to keep an open mind and see if anything “resonates” with you.
What is “spirituality”
What exactly does it mean to be “spiritual”? In modern times, spirituality tends to refer to not just participation in organized religion, but a broader feeling of being connected to “spirit” or “an encounter with one’s own ‘inner dimension’”. Basically, you can call it “spiritual” if you simply go inward and start noticing what is going on inside you.
In other words, start noticing your emotions, moods, thoughts and experiences in and outside of the body. All of those things are happening when you have sex, so obviously there is a connection. In order to start getting down with your own sexy spiritual self, the first step is to really start to pay attention to your inner self.
Breath and Meditation
If you find this confusing, you can simply start by noticing your breath. And asking yourself how you are feeling inside.
Spirituality is really tapping into who you are. Sometimes that’s hard with the constant distractions in everyday life. That is why people like to meditate to quiet the mind.
There is such a thing called sex meditation you can try, which can help you slow down sex and connect with your body and your partner better. “Just as meditation can teach you to be more present and calm in your daily life, it can also teach you to be more present when you’re getting it on.”
Sex as sacred
“It’s time we saw sex as the truly sacred art that it is. A deep meditation, a holy communion and a dance with the force of creation.” ~ Marcus Allen
That’s so deep!! Some people believe sex is a sacred act, one that ties you to the cosmos and can affect your spiritual, mental and even physical health. Sacredness “is a kind of awareness, not a function of ego, of the logical mind, but more of an intuitive or direct awareness of patterns running through everything around us.”
In order to combine a spiritual practice with sex, try creating a ritual around sex. You can try using crystals in your sex life, keeping them nearby to harness their energy. You can give yourself some silent affirmations before jumping into the act. Or you can just plain concentrate on whatever you believe to be the spiritual aspects of sex.
What makes sex sacred is focusing on your intent during sex. Practicing being present can make even the naughtiest sex sacred (in my opinion). And sacredness doesn’t mean “serious” – you can find sacredness in even the most playful sex. I believe, for example, that the role play in BDSM can be a spiritual act that can provide healing if done right.
Let’s take it up a notch. Have you ever thought about having sex on a galactic scale, as a way to connect to the cosmos and bring in things you want to manifest? Well, some believe this works! Get your groove on and manifesturbate your desires! You can even cast spells with your orgasms! Here is a great article on how to manifest what you want using sexual energy.
I personally manifesturbate during breaks in my work day, using my Magic Wand. Wowza! My day just flows better and I have brought in some cool stuff.
Tantra: The Gold Standard for Spiritual Sex
“The beauty and wisdom of Tantra is that it enhances sexuality as a doorway to the ‘ecstatic mind of great bliss’. Truly, at the peak of orgasm, we pierce through the illusion of fragmentation and separation, and glimpse the unity and interconnectedness of all beings. And through the other–our partner–we fall in love with life.” ~ Margot Anand
Sounds pretty cool, huh? I am getting the feeling that, during quarantine, our need to go deeper in our sexual practices is even more pronounced. In other words, just getting it on the ol’ tired way isn’t gonna cut it when we are cooped up for more months. We need some variety and going deeper is one way to do it! In her book Urban Tantra, Barbara Carrellas recognizes our need to find a “spiritual practice that embraces sexuality.” Tantra can provide that for people and bring a new dimension to sex. Tantra in Sanskrit literally means “loom, weave, system.”
I am not an expert in Tantra, but I do know some core tenets to tantric sex. If you are a beginner, I suggest you read Urban Tantra. You can start with some main pointers, including focusing on the breath (which Barbara Carrellas covers in this podcast episode). You also want to slow down sex, prepare your mind, notice your own body and your partner’s body closely. This is a good article on how to get started with tantra or tantric sex, and it covers both partnered and solo sex!
Whether you decide to start a sex ritual, read a spiritual sexual book to learn more, or try orgasmic manifesting, just incorporating a little “spirit” into your sex can move mountains. Hey, getting naked and having great sex might just be your new religion!
Emily Anne is a bestselling author, sex coach and educator, who specializes in helping people expand their sexual horizons through BDSM and kink. When she’s not obsessively talking about sex, she’s hiking through the Hollywood Hills. Get some sexy education on her Instagram feed!