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Dear Emily,

My boyfriend and I have a great sex life, but there is one issue that keeps popping up. He recently asked me to pleasure myself in front of him, and it’s not the first time he has made this request. I masturbate from time to time, but never in front of another person! I feel like masturbation is such a private activity and trying to do it in front of him feels awkward and forced. The last time he asked, I got angry and told him to do it himself and see how it feels, but my plan backfired because he totally loved it. Why is this such a big turn on for him? And how can I masturbate for my BF without feeling so uncomfortable?

Sincerely,
Self-Love Self Conscious

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Schoolgirl in sexy outfit

What exactly is the allure of the sexy schoolgirl role? Maybe it’s the innocent impulsivity or the inherent nerdiness. Maybe it’s the idea of a “brat,” or an inner smarty pants that’s dying to make an appearance. Or maybe it’s simply the innate power dynamic between student and teacher. (BTW—don’t make this weird. We’re obviously talking about consenting adults role-playing here.)

Whatever the reason, many find it extremely hot to experiment with a schoolgirl/teacher dynamic. Below are our top ideas for those willing and ready to dive into this exciting role-play scenario. 

Look the part

If you want to bring out your inner school girl, you need to be a “good girl” and don the uniform. Where would a sexy schoolgirl be without the classic plaid, pleated short skirt? It’s irresistible and puts you in the right headspace for some flirty fun. 

Corrupt the rest of your outfit by putting on a white button-up shirt and tying the ends high around your waist. Try out a lacy bra or go without—either can be super sexy. Finish the look with some knee-high socks and Mary Jane shoes. And if you’ve got the heart for it, why not go for pigtails?

Practice your pout

Part of the sexy schoolgirl aesthetic is body language. Perfect your pout by laying on some thick clear lip gloss and pucker up! To get even more into it, open your eyes wide, lift your voice a tad higher, and cross your arms. (You might even consider sucking on a lollipop or blowing bubblegum.)

Cock your head to one side and give your Dom a sly smile. They won’t be able to resist. 

Role-play with your partner

To really amp things up, have your sexual partner play a role of their own. You can have them be the “teacher.” Maybe they make you stand in the corner or send you to get punished by the “headmaster.” Respond by throwing a temper tantrum. Then demand something you want. Or better yet, be coy and beg. 

If you’re into BDSM, consider role-playing with some dominance/submission (i.e., “power exchange”) with your partner being the dominant (they could be a “daddy” or a “sir” or “teacher” or anyone in authority). If you’re okay with it, include some impact play, like a spanking. 

Another great way to role-play the sexy schoolgirl is to become a “brat.” Make some sassy comments to your partner and refuse to go along with anything they say. (Other tips for being a “brat”: be late, chew gum obnoxiously, roll your eyes and say “whatever”…) 

In any case, bringing out your inner brat can amp up your sexy, rebellious side and may also help you get “punished” by your partner—in a great way.

Text like a teen. 

If you want to role-play with your partner, a fun way to do that is to text NSFW pics to them in your uniform, especially at inappropriate times of the day. You can tease your partner with a pouty pic or beg for some sort of frivolous gift that a teen might ask for. If your partner texts you to do something, say “no.” Maybe you’ll get punished for it later. 

Be a badass. 

Sexy schoolgirls know what’s what. Even if you are doing some consensual age play in your dynamic, your inner schoolgirl is smart AF and knows herself. Embody your smartest (even nerdiest) self when you put on your uniform. Knowledge is power. You can even “school” your partner on feminist ideals as you flirt and pout your way to getting what you want (in the bedroom and out).

Remember, this is consensual role-play—your inner schoolgirl is a fun, playful side of you that is simultaneously powerful and intelligent.

Unleash your erotic, innocent self.

Sex is how adults “play,” and play in the bedroom can be a cornerstone to opening up your erotic self to your partner. 

As Esther Perel puts it: “Eroticism isn’t sex; it’s sexuality transformed by the human imagination.” Use your imagination and let your inner innocence come out in the bedroom through simply being playful. That’s part of the schoolgirl charm. Touch and play with your body as if you are discovering it for the first time. Bring in some fun toys, like a ruler to be spanked with, or a vibrator to play with solo or with a partner to tease you with or to “show you the ropes.” It’s all in the spirit of unleashing your erotic innocence.

Emily Anne is a bestselling author, sex coach, and educator, who specializes in helping people expand their sexual horizons through BDSM and kink. When she’s not obsessively talking about sex, she’s hiking through the Hollywood Hills. Get some sexy education on her Instagram feed. 

 

Kitchen sex

Being trapped inside with your partner during a pandemic will definitely take a toll on your sex life… Especially if you’re having the same sort of sex day in and day out or seeing the same sex tips over and over. Alternatively, maybe you’re living alone, bored with your vibrator, and looking for new ways to masturbate. (FYI, you’re not the only one.) 

Luckily, there are many creative ways to “get down” in every room of your house, regardless of whether you’re having sex solo or with a partner. See below for our top sex tips to exercise your creativity in and around the house. 

The Garage 

Are you feening to get out of the house? Don’t wanna use up your gas in the car? Well, you can still go for a ride, whether that be with a partner or by yourself. (Think of seatbelts as a new type of harness or sex swing… )

One of our favorite car positions is wrapping one’s ankles with the seatbelt to keep it in a desired, comfortable position during playtime. Something along the lines of the One Up is great for oral stimulation. You can use the seatbelt to keep the leg up, and you can put some pillows on the garage floor to maximize your partner’s comfort. 

The Kitchen

Getting x-rated in the kitchen can be as delicious as it is sexy. Ever use chocolate syrup? Or whipped cream? If you’re not a sweets person, what about sushi? (Very Samantha from Sex in the City of you.) 

The kitchen is also filled with opportunity for levels—whether that’s the kitchen counter, table, or chairs. Maybe one person is laying on the counter and the other is standing, or you get intimate with some fun on the chair. (Can be done with the partner or solo!) Either way, doing anything sexual in the kitchen can feel very erotic, as it’s typically an unconventional place for anything sexy. Just be sure to wipe down the countertops afterward…  

Living Room

Get out of your house (and rekindle your childhood) by building a fort in your living room. In fact, you can create a whole new world and explore a wide variety of new positions in your fort. (If you need some guidance on how to build a fort in your living room, here’s a handy step-by-step.) 

With a plethora of comfy pillows beneath you, you and your partner will both feel like you’re surrounded by softness, and you can use the extra fluff to access new positions. Enjoy the intimacy of the small enclosed space for mutual or solo masturbation—the close quarters should make it feel all the more erotic. Talk about orgasmic!

The Office

You may not be going into work, but that doesn’t mean you can’t apply these sex tips to the office and get bent over your desk. Getting it on in your home office allows you to utilize furniture pieces that typically don’t see too much action. 

Start out with a work themed lap dance. Have your partner sit in the office chair while you slowly undress to whatever makes you feel sexiest. When your partner is all hot and bothered, don’t call HR, just rock their world in the office chair.

Bathroom

Shower sex may get a bit tricky, but it’s a great location for foreplay. Draw a luxurious bath for you and your partner or prep a nice steamy shower. Have them join you and then slowly lather them up in suds, taking extra time to feel one another’s bodies.

Bathing with a partner can be highly intimate and even more erotic. Set the mood with some nice lighting and candles. When you both are lathered, rinsed, repeated, and ready hop out of the shower or bath and lotion/oil each other up. A sensual massage is a great segway to some highly arousing sex.

Regardless of how long we are staying inside, a little bit of imagination, some creativity, and communication can transform your sex life can still be something new.

— 

Javay da BAE is a sex educator, content creator, writer, and comedian. She is also known as the Millennial Sexpert. Her sex education work focuses on comprehension and inclusion while being accessible. She specializes in LGBTQIA+ identities, STIs, pleasure, and kink/BDSM. Visit JavaydaBAE.com to see her work.

Woman and man holding vibrator on a bed
Dear Dr. Emily,
I’m wondering if it’s okay to always bring in a clitoral vibrator into the bedroom? It’s the only way I can orgasm, but I don’t want to hurt my partner’s feelings or have them think I’m weird. Thank you! 
Feeling the Vibes

Hi Feeling the Vibes, 

I love that you’re using toys and know what your body needs to feel pleasure. It can be difficult for women to orgasm in the first place, so you’re already on the right track.

There is nothing shameful about using a clitoral vibrator! I mean, you’re experiencing pleasure, right? Many vulva and vibrator owners keep their toys to themselves out of fear of rejection or offending their partner. But I say, why NOT give your partner a chance to see what the magic is all about?

Like anything, start by being mindful of how to start the conversation. Best not to overwhelm them or pull it out without much warning. Remember the three T’s of communication: timing, tone, and turf. Bring it up outside of the bedroom and start by having a casual and playful conversation. Maybe start with a specific thing you love or memory you have about your sex life with them. Be honest and open about your experience with toys. Explain that you think toys might be a fun way to increase the pleasure even more for both of you.

Once you’ve had an open conversation now you can start playing.  I always find it helps to show my partner how it works, even demonstrating on their body so they get a sense of how amazing vibrations can feel, no matter what parts you have! 

Get creative, and even let them take control—the We-Vibe Chorus is a great clitoral vibrator for couples and can be totally hands-free. Maybe bring out some massage oil, like Exsens. You can massage their body and start to tease them with the vibe. Once they know how good it feels, they’ll better understand why you love it so much.

There’s no shame in always needing a vibrator, but I would also encourage you to keep experimenting. Our brain memorizes masturbation patterns, so it may take time and effort to discover new methods.

And of course, have lots of fun. Many couples find that bringing a toy into their relationship not only enhances pleasure but also strengthens their intimacy. Happy vibing!

xx,

Dr. Emily

balls blog sex with eimlyI have talked ad nauseam about penile play. However, there’s a part of the anatomy that I have yet to cradle… And that is the balls!

The factory center where sperm is made and stored. They can often be ignored because they can be intimidating — a fleshy temperamental scrotum with two sensitive oblong spongious organs. But once you unpack the sack, it can be a ton of fun – a way to prolong and deepen the sexual experience and bond.

Have you ever been to a restaurant and left thinking that the appetizers were better than the main course? Well that is what the joy of ball play can be. Let’s play ball!

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routine blog sex with emilyGreatest bedroom hits: We’ve all got em’. They’re those moves you’ve got down to a science. The ones you learned early in your sexual career, perfected over time, and cemented into your sexual routine.

You might gradually make some super simple changes, or you want to go full-on  pornstar perfection. But sex moves don’t have to be over the top, they just have to feel good. You can totally work with what you’ve got—as long as you focus on keeping it hot.  

Here are some basic, fail-proof rules that can help make even the most routine encounter worth remembering. By keeping these fundamentals in mind, you can maintain the good that you’ve got while you get busy sweetening the sheets. Continue Reading

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