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masturbation

I’ve been hearing about this Magic Wand for well over a decade now. Unfortunately, I was sexually stunted all through my 20’s, meaning I didn’t even buy my first vibrator until my mid 30’s. Mostly because the patriarchy still isn’t 100% on board with women’s pleasure. It doesn’t want sexually empowered lionesses who put our own needs, especially orgasms, first. No, women like us are a serious threat to the power structure and, therefore, have been slut-shamed into oblivion.

This kind of cultural brainwashing, plus my Southern upbringing, resulted in me being a sexual prude for a long ass time. A prude too ashamed to masturbate, even in college, despite the fact my friends were having threesomes by then. The fact I’d never been with a man who’d given me those fireworks-style orgasms probably had something to do with it, too. Either way, ignorance and shame turned me into a sexual Debbie Downer who just assumed orgasms weren’t in the cards for me.

Oh, how the tides have changed!  Continue Reading

The hardest part about having issues in the bedroom is asking for help. Never fear, because Emily is here, and her favorite thing in the world is helping people improve their sex lives and relationships. On today’s show, she’s helping callers figure out the best way to get past their coital conundrums and dating dilemmas.

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Everything changes when you become a mom. Your body, your heart, your brain and your libido. It’s a top to bottom overhaul of the things that used to matter, the way you spend your time and money and your ability to remember your own name. You talk about yourself in the third-person using a generic label, and where your ass used to be is now just one long thigh. Your formerly sexy, confident and self-care focused self has left the building, and in her place is someone who cuts her own hair and has 3-week-old string cheese in her purse.  

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Masturbation has always been a touchy subject in relationships. How exactly do you go about it when you’re having sex on a regular basis? Does masturbating mean that you aren’t that into your partner? Does it mean your partner doesn’t satisfy your needs? What if one partner does it all the time and the other has never even tried?

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Q: DEAR EMILY,

I have been with my husband now for nine years (married for nearly five). We have two children, ages six and four. We have always had really good sex, even from the first time. I always have multiple orgasms and always orgasm before him.

We are going away for a “dirty weekend” next month to celebrate our five-year wedding anniversary. I want to take advantage of this time and do something new with him. We have never felt the need for sex toys, but I think it could be fun to try some now. What toys would you recommend using that we can both enjoy and not feel too intimidated by?

Thanks so much,

Alex, 35

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