Let’s talk about receiving next-level oral sex — for those of us who don’t quite “get it” while we’re getting it, if you know what I mean. 

One of the biggest misconceptions out there is that having good oral relies solely on the one giving it. But real talk? Receiving out of this world oral is just as much on you! And while it requires a little effort on your part, the ROI is more than worth it.  

The truth is, while most of us love the intimacy and eroticism of oral sex, we often have trouble relaxing into it. But when you let yourself accept oral without reservation, you can relish in your partner’s enthusiastic desire for every last inch of you. (AKA the ultimate turn-on.) And lucky for you, getting to that place is easier than you think. 

So let’s explore six secrets to being a better receiver — for you, your partner, and even your relationship.

1.) Take it slowly.

Oral sex isn’t a race to finish. It’s an opportunity to create an intimate connection. Rather than getting right to it, let your partner lead up to that first lick down there by working their way down your body. And what hotter way to begin the journey than starting with a sensual makeout session? 

Gently begin kissing your partner and slowly build intensity by tugging their hair or softly biting their lip. When you’re ready for the main event, guide your partner from your mouth to your neck and then to your torso. You can bet they’ll know where to go after that. 

2.) Sweeten the experience with dessert-flavored lube.

When it comes to oral sex, the wetter the better. When your partner pairs their saliva with a generous amount of lube, it’s instantly easier for your partner to please you. 

But why stop there? Experimenting with flavored lube adds a cherry on top for the giver, too. And when you opt for one like JO’s Creme Brulee or Salted Caramel. You go from a sexy snack to the hottest dessert they’ve ever had. Pour some lube in your partner’s hand and pull it toward you. From there, they can slowly smooth the lube on your body and immediately follow up with their tongue.

3.) Add in good vibrations.

In the same way lube helps your partner in the saliva department, a pleasure tool can provide added sensations that enhance their ability to bring you to that intense, earth-shattering orgasm you dream about. 

I recommend the Cerē Wand* as the perfect sidekick to satisfying oral sex. Designed by physicians, it’s a soft, nonporous, medical-grade silicone vibrator that can be set to whatever intensity pairs best with your partner’s tongue techniques. It has a flexible head that adapts to your personal anatomy (if you need a visual, check this baby out here).

Working together, your partner and this go-to vibe can deliver deeper, more intense pleasure that takes you over the edge. Start by stimulating your partner’s most sensitive areas with your tongue. Once you’ve warmed them up, introduce the sensations of the vibrator and gauge their reaction. Continue to take turns between your tongue and the vibrator, playing with varying intensities and moving to different areas on your partner. When you sense a placement they particularly love, plant the vibe in that spot and let your tongue do the rest.

4.) Level up the intensity with eye contact.

Can we normalize this? Because making eyes while your partner’s going down on you is one of the sexiest ways to boost their confidence and, in turn, your enjoyment. That’s because eye contact pulls double duty during oral. It turns up the heat and creates an intimate connection that brings you and your partner closer. 

If the thought of catching their gaze feels a little intimidating, I get it. But even if you’re not instantly comfortable with eye contact, consider this a must-try tip. 

Here’s how to do it if you’re on the fence: Take quick peeks until your eyes meet. Once they do, respond to your partner’s reaction. Are they fixing their sights on you? If so, let your glance linger a little longer. Soon enough, you’ll have your eyes locked in a super erotic stare that brings the intimacy of your experience to a whole new level. 

5.) Let your partner know your pleasure.

When your partner’s preoccupied down there, they might miss your looks of ecstasy that signal when they’re hitting the spot. That’s where you cue the signs that say, “I love that.” 

There are many ways to tell your partner to keep going, stay there, do this, and do that again. It’s as simple as letting your breathing do the talking, and don’t hold back as it naturally deepens and speeds up when you come closer to orgasm. 

You can gently guide their head with your hands to an area that craves their attention. If your partner has a free hand, reach down and move it to stimulate another area on your body that turns you on. 

And, if you’re feeling it, speak up. Flirt with your inner dom and give your partner an impromptu order, or tell them when you’re getting close so they know to amp up the intensity for a strong and satisfying finish. Want to get more comfortable voicing your opinion while you’re in the act? Check out my quick run-down on how to get down with dirty talk.

6.) Spread the love.

After your euphoric orgasm, tell your partner how much you love the way they go down on you. By doing this, you’ll bolster their confidence for next time and encourage them to do it more often. A win-win for you and for your relationship. Yes, really. When you and your partner are particularly into it, oral sex is a total bond-builder. 

Upon analyzing data from 884 heterosexual couples, Michigan State University discovered that giving and receiving oral sex was positively correlated with feelings of happiness, so much so that researchers concluded that oral sex may very well be key to developing a happy, fulfilling relationship over time. So if oral’s not a regular part of your sexual repertoire, add it to the top of your list. 

Want smarter oral sex? 

Now that you’re well-versed in how to become a better receiver, it can’t hurt to brush up on your skills at giving oral sex. In my new book Smart Sex, I give a deep dive on how to go down on a vulva and a penis step-by-step. There’s a whole chapter called “Get Down with Going Down” – It’s OUT NOW so get your copy here and learn how to let go of the pressure and embrace all the pleasure that giving and receiving oral can bring.

*Be sure to use code “SWE” to get 15% off your order at CERĒ. Enjoy xx