I’m a vocal advocate of masturbation for several reasons. It’s orgasm training, it keeps you in touch with yourself, and it’s one of the best stress relievers out there. But let’s talk about masturbating with your partner.
If you’ve never tried mutual masturbation before, know this: it’s incredibly hot, if you’re both comfortable with it. If the idea makes you nervous, not to worry – I’ve got tips for getting started down below.
Aside from the hot factor though, it’s also informative! Watching your partner masturbate is essentially a step-by-step tutorial of how they liked to be touched, and how you can ensure an orgasm the next time around. It’s one of those “everybody wins” situations that can be an incredibly erotic way to introduce variety into your sex life.
So what exactly is mutual masturbation?
Mutual masturbation is when you and your partner are masturbating alongside each other. You’re both touching yourselves, letting each other see how you like it. Toys 100% allowed… Even encouraged!
Why is it so great?
Watching your partner experience self-pleasure can be an enticing way to exercise your inner voyeur. The opposite is also true: they’re watching you, so you get to be an exhibitionist. But along with the kink overtones, you’re creating intimacy through vulnerability. What was once private is now shared, and there’s something deeply relational about that.
Mutual masturbation is also an excellent option for anyone who’s in a long-distance relationship or travels often. FaceTime sex, anyone?
How do we get started?
Have an open conversation with your partner. Let them know you want to try something new; you might say, “I heard a hot idea the other day. We masturbate, but instead of alone, we do it together. I’d love to watch you touch yourself.”
Being a little nervous at first is OK, especially if it’s your first time. As you both get more aroused, the nervousness will fade, and you’ll relax into the inherent sexiness of it all. You get to watch them do something incredibly intimate, and since they’re doing the same for you, it’s collaboration vibes.
Need an assist? VUSH has a great Couples Connection Kit* as part of their “We Come First” 14-Day Challenge intended for couples. The kit includes a Couple’s Play Orb Pleasure Ring (a solid starter toy), Curiosity Cues (a set of 50 cards to prompt discussions about intimacy), and 14 Day Digital Challenge Calendar. The “We Come First” campaign is perfect for reintroducing fun and exploration into the relationship while creating intimacy and vulnerability.
But how exactly do we do it?
The most basic position is for you and your partner to lie on the bed next to each other, touching yourselves with fingers or a favorite toy. As you get more aroused, try moving to face each other (or introduce some intimate eye contact). Let it be organic!
If you want more of a physical connection, try getting on top of your partner while touching yourself. They can also touch themselves while you straddle them (or vice versa).
You can finish separately… or simultaneously (hot), or if you want to finish your session with penetrative or oral sex, go for it. Think of mutual masturbation as one more tool in your arsenal of pleasure enhancers: it can be foreplay, or the main event.
Want to know more?
For more tips and tricks to master mutual masturbation, be sure to check out my comprehensive, downloadable Mutual Masturbation Guide. Study up on your own, or share with your lover for erotic inspo.
Ultimately, knowing the road map to your own pleasure helps the entire relationship. You are the biggest expert in your own body, after all – and often, giving your partner a visual goes even further than words, when it comes to what you like.
For more ideas to keep things spicy in the bedroom, be sure to sign up for my emails for your weekly dose of pleasure.
*Use code EMILYWCF for an additional 10% off the Couples Connection Kit. Oh and it’s currently 25% off the website so my discount code gets you a cool 35% off. Have fun, lovers!