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Woman and man holding vibrator on a bed
Dear Dr. Emily,
I’m wondering if it’s okay to always bring in a clitoral vibrator into the bedroom? It’s the only way I can orgasm, but I don’t want to hurt my partner’s feelings or have them think I’m weird. Thank you! 
Feeling the Vibes

Hi Feeling the Vibes, 

I love that you’re using toys and know what your body needs to feel pleasure. It can be difficult for women to orgasm in the first place, so you’re already on the right track.

There is nothing shameful about using a clitoral vibrator! I mean, you’re experiencing pleasure, right? Many vulva and vibrator owners keep their toys to themselves out of fear of rejection or offending their partner. But I say, why NOT give your partner a chance to see what the magic is all about?

Like anything, start by being mindful of how to start the conversation. Best not to overwhelm them or pull it out without much warning. Remember the three T’s of communication: timing, tone, and turf. Bring it up outside of the bedroom and start by having a casual and playful conversation. Maybe start with a specific thing you love or memory you have about your sex life with them. Be honest and open about your experience with toys. Explain that you think toys might be a fun way to increase the pleasure even more for both of you.

Once you’ve had an open conversation now you can start playing.  I always find it helps to show my partner how it works, even demonstrating on their body so they get a sense of how amazing vibrations can feel, no matter what parts you have! 

Get creative, and even let them take control—the We-Vibe Chorus is a great clitoral vibrator for couples and can be totally hands-free. Maybe bring out some massage oil, like Exsens. You can massage their body and start to tease them with the vibe. Once they know how good it feels, they’ll better understand why you love it so much.

There’s no shame in always needing a vibrator, but I would also encourage you to keep experimenting. Our brain memorizes masturbation patterns, so it may take time and effort to discover new methods.

And of course, have lots of fun. Many couples find that bringing a toy into their relationship not only enhances pleasure but also strengthens their intimacy. Happy vibing!

xx,

Dr. Emily

cum harder and faster blog sex with emilyDuring this pandemic, people are picking up new skills left and right. We’re learning how to cook, painting our walls, finding new hobbies that we didn’t have time for before lockdown. Finding joy even in little moments is important right now. Making pleasure for ourselves is key.

Studies show that pleasure can be a stress buffer. In other words, people who are under higher stress tend to be healthier and have lower mortality rates if they incorporate pleasure into their lives.

We experience pleasure through the body, so it’s natural to look for things that you can do with your body to increase the amount of pleasure you experience. The number one thing you can do with or without a partner to bring more pleasure through your body is…yep…orgasm.

Now, I know lots of people are out there trying to help you orgasm better, but I have found some different techniques that are unique and might help you climax even faster and harder! Here are some tips I learned from my own pandemic pleasure practice.

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rabbit blog sex with emilyMasturbation May is Marching on! In all the discussion of self love, we would be remiss not to honor a gold standard in masturbatory pleasure. I’m talking about the almighty “rabbit.”

The rabbit-style vibrator is one of the most iconic sex toy styles and known for its internal and external stimulation.

In this article we will briefly cover what it is, its history and presence in the collective sexual consciousness. Plus we’ll tell you all about our current favorite.

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spring cleaning blog sex with emilyThe birds are chirping. The sun is warmer. You can’t go anywhere anyway (thanks ‘rona!). So it is time to do some spring cleaning. You know – that tradition of cleaning your home from top to bottom, even under the sofa cushions. 

But don’t forget that sex drawer! Yes, sex toys need some spring cleaning, too. Many of us don’t realize that we have to clean our toys regularly, not just after use. We also may not realize that it might be time to refresh our collection. 

Here are some tips on how to clean your sex toys, as well as a little “out with the old, in with the new.”

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toy blog sex with emilyLove ‘em or hate ‘em, everyone has an opinion about sex toys. They’ve been around since the dawn of time and have a couple hundred years of controversy to their name. For something so hotly contested, as you can imagine, there are a LOT of factors to consider. 

We LOVE them here at Sex With Emily, but we understand that everyone is different. So to make sure you have the full scoop, we’ve rounded up our favorite sex toy-related blogs and podcasts that can hopefully help open your eyes to everything they have to offer.

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kink history blog sex with emilyWhen we hear the word ‘kink,’ we tend to let our minds fall deep into the gutter. Getting intimate with someone on the kinkier side means you most likely won’t be having your run of the mill sexual experience.

But kink is nothing new! People have been getting raunchy for millennia, and are showing no signs of stopping.

To set your dirty little mind at ease, here’s a brief history of all things kinky.

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